


Waves (The Rise of Solo)

by CannedPeachez, hearttohustle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben Solo is a Mess, Breeding Kink, Canon, Crash And Burn, Darth Sidious - Freeform, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drama, Dubious Consent, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Fingering, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, Guilt, Hate, Heartbreak, Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Jedi Training, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Legacies, Lightsaber Duels, Loss of Virginity, Love, Possessive Kylo Ren, Possessive Rey (Star Wars), Prophecy, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Rey is Not a Palpatine (Star Wars), Secrets, Sex Magic, Sith Code, Sith Empire, Sith Ritual, Sith Training, Sith magic, Skywalker, Skywalker Family Drama, Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Tension, The Force, Tragedy, Trauma, Unplanned Pregnancy, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), War, battles, non-canon, self-hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 64,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CannedPeachez/pseuds/CannedPeachez, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearttohustle/pseuds/hearttohustle
Summary: While onboard the Supremacy to rescue Chewbacca, Rey finds herself in Kylo Ren's personal quarters while he searches for her on Kijimi. When they are face to face, he once again offers his hand. Given the opportunity to join his cause and stand by his side, will she take it? And if she does, what will the aftershocks be on both of their lives?Set during The Rise of Skywalker (2019) but with an alternate ending.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Luke/Mara Jade, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 71
Kudos: 170





	1. Third Times the Charm

**Author's Note:**

> For those of us who completed the sequel trilogy there was a lot to be desired, especially the ending for this love/hate relationship... so we have taken some inspiration from the series, and additional lore (both canon and non canon), and offer you this spin! This is the first in a series of stories we wish to tell that continue the legacy of the Skywalker/Solo family. Lots more to come! We hope you enjoy it. J + J

The TIE Silencer cut through the inky black void of space, hurtling towards its destination swiftly and quietly. Inside was just as quiet — and thick with tension. Kylo Ren sat in the pilots seat, his dark gaze never wavering from his mission as he manually flew his ship with expert skill through an asteroid field. Exegol wasn’t far, but they needed to get there before the others figured it out for themselves and followed suit.

Although he did not put much stock in Rey’s friends’ mental acuity, he did not count the idiots out either. Especially the traitor. Just thinking about FN-2187 caused the corners of his mouth to crease into a light scowl as he steered the Silencer. He should have killed him when he had the chance on Starkiller Base. With that thought, Ben took the ship into hyperdrive having cleared the asteroids just a moment before. He did not bother telling Rey that she should brace herself for the jump.

Leaving the larger ship behind had been a rash decision, one currently felt by himself and the occupant who sat behind him, scrunched into the small open space behind his seat. He would not let Rey go below deck because he didn’t trust her to keep her word just yet. That would come later once he had had enough time with her. At least that was the plan Ren had formulated in his mind. Now his thoughts drifted back to what had just happened. If he had to be honest with himself, he had not expected her eventual response to his offer…

The duel he’d had no more than an hour ago had been easy. Given the circumstances, and the fact that she was trying to destroy him by any means possible, Ren could tell the little scavenger from dusty Jakku had been training. Her techniques were less sloppy than the last time they had fought each other. Yet… he could count at least a dozen times during their dance where he could have struck her down and ended it all right then. The powerful yet shaky strikes landed, the clumsy footwork tripped her up against her much stronger opponent. It had mainly been a way to stall her in his mind, to tire her out enough so that she’d be more willing to truly listen to his words as she caught her breath while still on guard.

Besides, she had had questions of her own. In his mind he kept replaying their heated conversation during their fight, the thrill of the moment rushing back to him in the form of lightly flared nostrils. It was the only indication that he was thinking about anything at all…

\- - -

_“Why would the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”_

_“Because he saw what you would become. You don’t just have power. You have his power.”_

She had looked shocked with his explanation. It had secretly pleased him.

_“My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your parents were… No one. What Palpatine doesn’t know is we’re a dyad in the Force. Two that are one. We’ll kill him together and take the throne.”_

He had needed her to buy into his words then. So he’d taken off his helmet. He’d seen the way she’d looked at him before when they were alone in her hut on the cliff-sides of Ahch-To. It was easier to hate someone when you couldn’t see their face…

_“You know what you need to do. You know.”_

_“I do.”_

\- - -

In less than a minute, they were descending into the volatile and eternal dark of Exegol. Ren settled the Silencer onto the rocky terrain, the ship shaking lightly against the storm winds that howled and whipped around it. Ren said nothing for a long moment before he spoke, the deep timbre of his voice breaking the quiet inside the ship.

**_“We’re here. Let’s go.”_ **

Quiet. The entire journey had been devoid of any human sound and Rey embraced it. If there was one thing she had devoted time to it was meditation and the practice of it was going to help her now. Leia would not understand, nor would her friends, but this was all a plan as well. If she could block out every other force in the galaxy but her own, it just might work. Ren might have expected her to berate him for the length of their journey, but Rey chose to be at rest. Eyes closed, arms pulled in, focusing her energy on closing off her mind. Surely he could feel it and should have anticipated that if she was going to be with him, there were other ways of alerting her friends or his mother of their destination.

If he were to ask, she would have been honest: she did not disclose the information to the Resistance. The motivation was clear — she didn't want to put her friends in unnecessary danger. Even if Ren found her attempts to shield them from the devastation that was coming silly, at least this was one decision she could make for herself. And it was one that would play positively into Ren's grand design. Defeating Palpatine would be that much easier if they were both focused on that single task, rather than the rag tag army of the Resistance showing up to try and save her once more.

As they lurched into hyperdrive, he'd hear her soft grunt from getting thrown back into the seat. Had she been paying attention to his steering she would have seen that coming, but that would have only opened another can of worms. It was bad enough that she was seated so closely without access to any of the steering, but you didn't have to be a mind reader to understand Ren’s reasoning to keep her from them. Her piloting skills rivaled his, but now was not the time to concern herself with badges of comparison on handling ships. Instead as she settled from the jump her thoughts drifted to replaying what had happened earlier, with no inkling that they were both reflecting on her sudden change of heart.

He shouldn't have found it so easy to offer his hand, yet he'd done it again after discovering she was on his ship, searching through his quarters. Each of their meetings always seemed to end with the opportunity to change sides, to redeem themselves in the eyes of the other. What Rey had never confirmed was how easy it would have been to take his hand, every single time. Remaining chaste and true to the Jedi Order required energy that Ben had only touched on in his youth. The call to the darkness was sweet and laced with triumphs the young girl could only begin to imagine. Running from The First Order was exhausting and with Ren as Supreme Leader, the Resistance was outmatched.

Rey was out of her league, even if each battle between them was met with ferocity not to bend to him. Tonight shouldn't have been any different. Her prowess had improved while training on Ajan Kloss, but she was still clumsy and reckless when embroiled with Ren. Could anyone blame her for seeing him through nothing else but a veil of rage? It clouded her mind when they were in each other's presence, until she'd fully understood how to move past it. Ren in battle was graceful and she was envious, knowing that no amount of training was going to catch her up to his skills if they were playing this endless game of cat and mouse. In order to fault him from gaining traction on the Resistance she would have to make the ultimate sacrifice — be with him. The plan was hardly flawless in its construction, but it was a start. The sound of gears and propellers changing direction indicated their landing before Ren had spoken again. _Here_. The darkness of this place had only ever been hinted at in her dreams.

 **_"I'll follow your lead."_ **

Even those words made a pit fall from the bottom of her stomach, as if indicating some contract that she were now his pupil. That was an issue to worry about after Exegol. 

For now… her only concern was Palpatine.

They had exited the Silencer and walked the short path to the entrance to the Citadel. The pyramid loomed high into the stormy sky, smooth and black as the abyss and twice as ominous looking. The only sound to be heard in its hallowed halls were their boot steps, sharp and brisk against the cold stone floors. An intermittent, muffled rumble of thunder or crack of lightning did nothing to calm nerves for those of fainter heart.

But for Ren, the Sith Citadel was a beacon of pride. It was the ancient imperial seat of the Sith and held the throne. _His_ throne. He had already envisioned himself upon the ancient seat of his predecessors with Rey at his side to rule. The two most powerful with the force that had ever existed conquering the entire galaxy together. Fire coursed through his veins at the thought and fueled him towards his inevitable fate.

His thoughts were of blood and ascension now, the massive and ancient Sith statues that lined the long corridors looking down upon him in stony judgement.

It was hard to miss the throne as they entered the massive amphitheater, jutting up towards the pyramidal ceiling, the same smooth black stone as it was housed in. To say it was impressive was an understatement, it was almost overwhelming in its design. And currently, the only issue with it was who was seated there. 

Though small in stature and hunched, Darth Sidious still jarred the senses with his appearance. His eyes were a striking yellow, his wrinkled skin ashen white. He appeared to be hovering somewhere between death and life and it read… unnatural. 

Spindle-like fingers emerged from the cuffs of his robe to clench the arms of the throne he sat upon, pushing his body forward into a lean as his hooded face came into view.

_“_ **_Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen_ ** _.”_

His voice sounded like old bones that rattled and the low cackle that followed was enough to turn even the bravest blood to ice. But not Kylo Ren. He had endured a lifetime of his Master’s words and torment and he sought to finally silence them forever this night.

Ren made it about halfway to the throne, closing the distance as much as he could without treading too close to the Emperor’s devastating power. He certainly wasted no time as he stood tall and alert, a formidable opponent clad in all black. His pale face was harshly lit in red, the recognizable sound of his saber alighting, the hiss and crackle as volatile as the rage that swirled inside the man himself. 

**_“Then surely you have seen your death here tonight.”_ **

Another blood curdling cackle spilled from Sidious, the heinous being finally standing and shuffling towards the steps that lead down from the throne. He had reached up to pull his hood back slightly, revealing deep lines and wrinkles in the process, all to eye in turn Snoke’s prized apprentice and then the young Jedi who stood near him. The way he stared at her was with something akin to relish.

“ ** _Oh, but you are wrong this night, Kylo Ren. It is not my death I have seen…”_ **

Thin, pale lips formed a sinister smile as Sidious raised his hands quickly, bolts of electricity shooting out of them to explode at the feet of Ren and Rey to catch them off guard.

Perhaps it had been foolish of Rey to assume that they were going to enter this place with some sort of plan. It wasn't as if they were trying to take out a starship… Emperor Palpatine was a demonic villain that haunted the stories of Sith and Jedi alike. If she had felt ill prepared taking on Ren earlier that night, he should have considered what help she could have truly provided here. Was being a dyad truly enough to take down this inextinguishable force that had stowed away in darkness for so many years?

The night was bringing more questions and Rey hoped that she'd be able to get answers to them. For now she reminded herself that the only person she knew who focused on planning rather than action was Leia and clearly, Ben did not inherit that particular trait. There were moments on their trek through the grand space that she considered stopping him, to pose at least one of these questions, but what would that have gained her? Her original hope to accept his tutelage hadn't placed her immediately in battle and so her own plans were halted until this task was done.

But the closer they got to Palpatine, the more her mind became clouded with anger. There was something to this after all. This was the man who had taken her childhood, forced her parents to abandon her and consequently lured what could have been the brightest Jedi down a path of unforgivable treachery. The cold that had attempted to sink into her skin was suddenly burned away by the realization that so much justice could be doled out if they were successful.

Standing before the Emperor was unlike standing before Snoke. Although Snoke had been marred by years of commanding the dark side, the man revealed here was hardly even that. More like a skeleton, seething with power beyond recognition. It rolled off of him in waves that left Rey standing a half step back from Ren, fingers gripping the hilt of her saber in turn. As the light of Rens flashed, so did hers, while an ever mounting pressure filled the room.

When she was subjected to his scrutinizing gaze her stomach tightened, arms lifting in preparation… before the strike of lightning demolished the ground before them both, the force of the blast throwing her from an upright position. If this was any indication for the rest of this battle an outsider may not have retained much hope for either of them. But without hesitation Rey scrambled to stand once more, fueled by a rage better spent on Palpatine than Kylo Ren. 

Although Ren was of impressive size, the duck and roll he executed to avoid the bolt of lightning from Sidious was fluid and graceful. He sprang to his feet quickly, his hand shooting straight out towards the deadly current of electricity.

Dark eyes cut into hard concentration, his normally expressionless features contorted into a mixture of heavy exertion and pain. He was using the Force to control the cords of lightning, slowly bending them into an arc back towards their creator as they cracked and sizzled violently from his manipulation. 

He did not have time to instruct Rey on what to do and that had not been part of his plan anyway. He’d seen the raw power she possessed when she did not have time to think things through. Those unchecked emotions in tense scenarios was something they needed now, something he gambled would help him overthrow Sidious. 

Ren clenched his teeth and let out a low growl as the two Sith engaged in a battle of wills and unbridled Force powers. As the arc of electricity finally turned its direction back to its source there was a blinding flash of light and a sharp crack as it hit its intended target. It knocked him off of the throne and Sidious began to roll down the stairs in a heap of tangled black robes.

The effort had left Ren panting slightly but he did not pause, breaking into a sprint as soon as Sidious hit the dusty throne room floor. He leapt into the air, his saber flashing red and hot as he turned it downward towards his intended target to deal a final deathblow to the back of his neck…

Or that had been the plan. Though Sidious was old and appeared weak, what he lacked in physical prowess he more than made up for with the full ire of the dark side of the Force. 

The Sith Lord was up before Ren had a chance to execute the fatal blow, a hand shooting up to stop him, leaving him suspended and floating in the air mid jump. His hood had slipped off of his head to reveal a bald and transparent scalp beneath. Thick black veins created a webbed pattern that made him look both grotesque and unique.

Sidious’ thin lips curled into a wicked sneer as he looked upon Ren who struggled against the Force hold he was now under. He had not forgotten about the girl, his other hand rising to pull her bodily towards him using the Force to slowly choke her.

 _“_ ** _Your Dyad in the Force proves to be quite strong…… but it can’t save you now._ ** _”_

The resistance was heavy on each limb rendering Ren powerless to fight back. His saber dropped from his hand and clattered to the ground below as Sidious used the invisible force to peel each finger from their grasp around it. There was a terrible crunching sound as several of his fingers were broken, a mangled cry of pain heard before it turned into a low growl. 

Ren chanced a glance at Rey who was slowly being suffocated in a force choke, realizing that he needed to do something soon or they both would be killed by the powerful Sith Lord.

Suddenly he stopped fighting, relaxing his entire body and letting the Force flow through him. He could feel the power of Sidious flowing through him in waves but could not fully harness it as it was wildly unstable, even more so than his own. 

It was as if Sidious could sense Ren’s intent and snarled, snapping his arm back causing Ren to be tossed across the throne room, his body smashing into a pillar on the other side. He slumped to the floor like a rag doll, seemingly unconscious.

Ren was right — when she let go she was her most powerful but also her most devastating. That was the biggest obstacle the girl was going to have to overcome in order to truly master her gifts. When she thought Chewie had been killed in her desperation to keep him from Ren’s clutches, she'd nearly sworn to never use the Force again. Of course the rest of that day had ended differently than it had begun, but her mind was at a constant battle of how much of the Force could be used for good versus evil.

This was not the time to have that debate, as she stood from the blast, rattled from the intensity of it. There was no time to think here, only act. This was different from other battles; there were no blasters here to deflect to the enemy, no saber to yank from his grip. It was a battle of pure will, far greater than any of her battles with Ren to date. The next few moments happened so quickly, Rey was in the grip of the sith lord before she'd had a chance to get back on the offensive.

With the two of them currently incapacitated, it seemed that all was lost. Rey struggled to breathe, fighting against the invisible grip that choked the air from her lungs. She watched as Ren fought against the same, the room wild with Force energy that was desperate for a place to land. Her own saber fell from her grip, clattering to the floor in a sound that may have indicated some sort of victory to Palpatine. This couldn't be how it ended. This couldn't be the fight to end all fights.

As predicted, the wildfire that was Rey reacted now; like a trapped animal frantically fighting for its life, using everything in its power to escape the clutches of death. Just like in the desert of Pasaana, she reached into the very depths of her being, bringing forth all of the energy that fought for a place to collect and burst free. A blood curdling scream erupted from her chest as her hand reached out towards Palpatine, the momentary break in his own concentration as he sent Ren flying across the room the only thing that gave them a saving grace.

It wasn't the same brilliant show that she'd produced then, but the adrenaline and fanned hatred of the man before her ignited the same destructive elements he'd used on them moments before. Rey wasn't trying to strike him down though, as much as she would have wanted to end this fight indefinitely. The blue bolts of electricity ran through the air, crackling as they lurched towards the ancient being. It was enough to disarm him, to release the choke hold on her and get back to Ben. Grabbing her light saber she'd scramble towards the stunned sith, urging him up and with any sense between them, to leave this dark place before it was too late.

The last thing Ren saw before he hit the stone pillar was the pure hatred behind the glowing yellow of the Emperor’s eyes. The impact was so forceful that it had not only knocked the wind from his lungs but had also caused him to black out. 

He had not witnessed the amazing feat of Force use from Rey as he was trapped in a black void of nothingness. Sidious had been knocked back himself but only temporarily stunned and was already on the offense again, floating rapidly across the amphitheater to close the distance between them.

Ren didn’t know how long he had been incapacitated, only that the sounds of the surrounding chaos sounded muffled and far away, save for one voice. Her tone was urgent, tinged with what he thought might be concern. Dark eyes opened slowly, Rey’s worried face swimming into focus, his blurred periphery catching a black blur behind her.

While one hand slipped across her holster, his eyes remained on hers, a quiet word meant only for her ears, murmured. 

“ ** _Duck.”_ **

As the fingers from his unbroken hand closed around the hilt of her weapon, he stood quickly, a fluid half spin of the quickly ignited saber hissing as it made contact with something or rather… someone. 

There was a terrible screeching that filled the emptiness of the throne room as Sidious’ bony hand was struck from his body, his red-black blood leaving a spattered trail across the pale porcelain skin of Ren’s face. The hand landed with an unceremonious thus beside Rey, one or two fingers still twitching as it died.

Still gushing blood, Sidious screeched half for his guard and half in agony. Ren had expected the Sith Eternal to eventually show but not in such numbers that they did now. It showed in the furrowing of his brows and the blazing intensity of his gaze.

There must have been thirty acolytes, no small feat but not impossible to kill. However, given that his dominant hand had been mangled by Sidious, a drop of doubt had tainted his pool of confidence for a sure victory.

And that was not the only issue that gave Ren pause. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, for he and Rey were in very real danger of being captured, tortured and slowly killed at the current moment. 

Ren knew that if they lost this battle, Sidious would make them suffer for it. They would not be killed immediately and what he would have in store for them would make them wish for death instead. 

Their time was up. It was only a matter of seconds before their fate was sealed but it only took a few seconds for Ren to sheath the saber and hold his good hand out to Rey once again. His voice was tight and urgent as he looked at her expectantly. 

“ ** _We have to go. Now.”_ **

The second their fingers touched their surroundings would become distorted and then seemed to shimmer. The dust and sand that filled their nose and mouth was overwhelming, Ren coughing and shielding his eyes from the whipping wind that made tiny cuts on his bare face. 

They had somehow managed to teleport right into the middle of a sandstorm, unrelenting in its current course.

In those next moments Rey knew that it would make or break their literal existence. Either they would figure out a way to escape the great and destructive clutches of Emperor Palpatine or they would die by it. Rey focused on not looking back to seeing how the man reacted to being undone by his own weapon of choice, but to shoulder the weight of the still unconscious Kylo Ren. She'd always known he was a large man but trying to pull him along and potentially out of the direct path of the next attack was proving difficult.

Thankfully he did not remain in that condition for long and his first words only proved that at this point, they needed each other in order to escape with their lives. Brown eyes widened at the comment but she reacted instinctively, feeling his body shift and dropping her own to make room for him to spin away from her. All she heard to alert her that he'd found his intended target was the screeching of the emperor. Gaze jerked over her shoulder to see the violent splash of blood on the ground and on Ren, breathless as she calculated what that would cost them if they remained.

Now it seemed that they had reconnected in that thought process but she had no grand plan for their escape. The arrival of the guard was going to make things difficult and even if they'd taken on the Praetorian guards in Snoke's throne room rather efficiently, she still knew where she had needed Ren's help more than he'd needed hers. When he spoke, this time she reached out without hesitation. It was different even from the bay of the starship, where her hand quivered before joining his. This was urgent and relayed a certain amount of trust that had no choice but to bridge and build between them.

Hopefully Ren was prepared for the shock that befell the female at his side as the world around them immediately disappeared. She had only spent so much time with the old tomes, so mentions of teleportation were the largest form of hearsay in her training. The wind ripping around them reminded her of the worst days on Jakku and her response was immediate. Grabbing the end of her tabbard, she ripped at the fabric, offering it to Ren in haste before repeating the process. This would allow them to drape it around their faces to shield some of the sand from them, before she was yanking the hood of her vest over her head.

It would be nearly impossible to communicate through the sandstorm but they would not be able to attempt to move through it if they weren't protected to some degree. Being a scavenger didn't have all drawbacks, perhaps Ben would be able to appreciate that… just not now. Momentarily shielded from the glass like wind whipping around them, she'd point ahead, knowing that the only way out was through, unless he had any other ideas to facilitate their travel. There was no way Palpatine could have realized where they'd ended up, although she certainly wondered why they couldn't have just gone back to the Silencer instead of wherever Ren’s mind had projected them instead. 

Ren appeared to be looking for something through the cyclone like winds, however pointless, momentarily interrupted by the offer of Rey’s ripped tabbard. He took it without a response but nodded at her suggestion to move. 

Quickly wrapping the ripped fabric around his head, he began walking until they were finally fully enveloped by the storm. The suns took on the most bizarre reddish hue, and everything around them turned orange. It didn’t seem real. Almost like a waking nightmare. Visibility dropped down to near zero as they ambled through it. It was treacherous. 

The only thing that could have made this situation any worse would have been that there were _sinking_ sands. There may not have been a lot of good on their side today, the element of the storm was just this hour's obstacle. Hands curled around her hood, helping to block out a bit of the ruthless sandstorm, but even years on Jakku couldn't prepare her for the likes of its strength. She constantly dropped her head down to brace against the winds, the difference in their height and steps allowing her to keep an eye on the darkness of the garb around his legs. Rey's typically pristine white outfit wasn't exactly ideal for standing out against the desert sands.

Although Ren could feel her through the force and knew she was near, he intermittently looked around to ensure Rey had not gotten lost in the sands. 

It seemed like hours before they had stumbled across a small and seemingly abandoned house. It might not have been his first choice, but he’d do anything to get out of the storm. Ren rushed its door, leaning his weight against it until it gave way to its darkened interior. 

He rushed in, ushering Rey before slamming the door behind them quickly. He turned from her to look around their refuge, yanking the fabric from his face, white sand being shaken from the jet black of his hair as it fell to the dusty floor.

What she wouldn't give to get back to Ajan Kloss, how differently everything would have gone if she were still on the run from him, rather than the most powerful Sith in the galaxy. Stumbling into the hut, she yanked the cloth from her face and sputtered just to clear the many tiny beads of sand that had undoubtedly made their way into her airways. For a moment she was preoccupied with that, feeling weighed down by sand that had made its way into every crevice of her garments.

Outside one could hear the violent winds raging around the house, inside a storm of a different kind brewed. Ren’s normally expressionless features were contorted into an anger that colored him a deep crimson. The screams and growls that emitted from his throat were deafening.

The guttural roar that filled the small space immediately had her spinning to face the large man, free hand falling to her saber, only to see it in his hand. Under his rule, Ren had shown his tantrums many times to the fright of other officers on the ship. But here, with only one person to witness his rampage, the reaction was quite different. What he didn't realize was how it showed the cracks in his heart, just like he had the cracks in his mask. Was he angry about Palpatine? Without a doubt. But Rey questioned if ending the Sith ruler was really going to absolve Ben from all of the mistakes that had led up to this point.

The blue flash of the saber was a bright streak slashing through the air over and over again as the sound of splintered wood and chunks of clay shattered and flew across the room. It was as amazing to see and as it was terrifying. But the raw rage that fueled his tirade would eventually subside, leaving him heaving and bleeding all over the floor from his broken fingers. His dark eyes flashed wide as he looked down at the saber he had used to cause such destruction, letting it fall to the floor with a clatter.

It was as if a veil had been lifted after he had calmed and he realized where he was and who he was with. His head turned to look at Rey, black eyes wild and face covered in the inky black blood of the Emperor. He looked every bit the murderer she thought he was. His gaze snapped away before she could say anything as he moved deeper into the shack muttering to her in a cool and detached tone so unlike his previous volatile behavior.

**_“They’ll be hunting us now. Either way, there is no escape.”_ **

There was a mighty slam of a door, leaving the girl to her own thoughts and the wind.

As he calmed a flood of thoughts rushed to her tongue, but she swallowed them all instead. It wasn't as if he'd said anything worth arguing over, but she wasn't going to gratify him by agreeing with his assessment. The slam of the door only confirmed one thing — he wasn't leaving her despite how much easier it would probably be to evade Sidious on his own. Perhaps there was still room to bring him back from the brink, even if she didn't quite yet know how.


	2. When the Bough Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the run from both the Light and the Dark, Kylo and Rey have to come to terms with their arrangement. Ground rules are established but met with resistance (obviously).

The rest of the evening in that small house would find the fugitives of Darth Sidious contemplating their next course of action alone. Rey had considered going up to that door many times in the night but truthfully, she was exhausted. 

Ren was injured and had he been anyone else she would have offered to assist in bandaging his broken fingers, instead she spent time shaking the sand from every cranny it had made its way into from the storm. It hadn't taken long for her to realize where they were; there were only so many planets that had two suns, sandstorms, and any familiarity to Ben Solo. Yet another chink in the armor of a boy who had so much good trapped inside of him.

Rey spent the next few hours watching the door of the home and resting, if you could call it that. She drifted in and out of a fitful sleep and her mind was alive with visions. In the void of her unconsciousness Leia reached out to her, the calm demeanor of the woman soothing the young girl despite the harrowing events of the last few hours.

 _Are you with him? Has he hurt you? We can find you, let us find you_. 

The voice implored, sending waves of guilt into Rey's psyche. Now there was even more danger afoot and she had absolutely no choice but to leave the call unanswered. Almost. 

_I am safe. I promise._

Almost as if there were static on the line, the connection between the two women seemed to crackle and fade. Rey woke then, feeling _almost_ more tired than when she'd first fallen asleep. They couldn't hide in this place forever and if Ren wanted to avoid the Resistance as well as the Sith, it would require some planning. Time and vengeance waited for no one.

Sitting up to straighten herself out, she’d retie the practical buns on the back of her head and pull her boots back on. Approaching the door that separated the small living area from what she could assume to be a bedroom, a deep breath was taken in and slowly exhaled out. Knuckles rapped on the door in quick but tender succession. She wanted to call him Ben, but it was too soon to the loss of the fight for him to even consider answering that positively.

" ** _Kylo... the storm has settled. We..._ **" 

She paused, that single word feeling so foreign in her mouth in regards to the two of them. 

" ** _We need to move, to make a plan -_ **" 

Rey felt silly even suggesting it, resting her palm against the solid partition between them. Reaching for him through the Force without galaxies between them was quite different and she had no idea what to expect from it. 

Although her touch on the door was light, there was enough tension to push it open slightly. The rusty creak of the hinges was loud enough that he knew she was there but he did not respond to her.

As the door creaked open, she braced herself for whatever response might follow. It was one thing to show up unannounced in each other's quarters through time and space, but this was different. Not that any part of this small home was any more his than hers, but she had a different sort of respect for boundaries then they'd been able to expand upon. Slowly peeking into the room, she remained in the doorway, her eyes adjusting to the slices of light that came in.

Ren was sitting on the edge of an old rickety cot that had been left behind, his back facing the entrance of the small bedroom. Dimly lit and shuttered, the windows leaked in a small amount of warm sunlight through the slats of the wooden blinds against them. It dappled his bare back, the vast canvas of pale skin and muscle painted with old battle scars and large, fresh purplish-blue bruises. 

His dark head hung low, hair hanging in damp shards as he seemingly stared at something on his lap. His chest heaved silently, the unnatural sound of crunching cartilage and snapping bone permeating the silence between them. His breath came out in heavy, pained puffs as his body remained rigid.

He suddenly raised his once broken hand, flexing his long, thick fingers several times with light grunts. It was still sore and it was not perfect, but his hand had mended. The bones and sinew had fused enough to grasp and hold a weapon which was the only thing that mattered.

Ren turned his head to the side without facing her then, side-eyeing her as he spoke, his deep voice cool and even. 

**_“The farm is an hour’s ride from Mos Eisley, four by foot.”_ **

Ren had contemplated in his waking hours why he had chosen Tatooine as refuge. If he were being completely honest with himself, he thought the desert planet would be the last place anyone would think to look for him.

Now that they were here he felt it could buy them some time. Several weeks at the very least. In Ren’s time with the First Order he had traveled extensively throughout the galaxy, even to Tatooine, although that had been in secret. In his younger years he had been curious about his grandfather’s origins in Mos Espa and that had led him to discover his uncle’s childhood home as well. It had also led him to restore the farm and house and stash away needed clothing, supplies, weapons, credits. And most importantly - transport that was a fast and convenient way to get across the vast and sandy plains.

Had he always known he’d need to come back? The thought agitated him and he did not want to dwell on the matter, suppressing it quickly..

Ren detested anything connected to Luke but it had not been missed on him that the farm was perfectly and conveniently isolated. While the Empire’s iron reach extended to the Outer Rim Territories, not a lot of political or military activity had been seen on the desert planet since the Galactic Civil War when his uncle had last called it home.

While Mos Eisley held the majority of the population on Tatooine and almost all of the establishments, Ren and Rey’s presence there would cause unwanted attention which was something that Ren now wanted to avoid. So the most logical location would be Luke’s old home.

He stood to his full height then, turning around to face Rey. He was already dressed in black pants and boots and slowly slipped a tunic if the same hue over his bare torso. Thankfully, at some point during the night he had washed the blood of Sidious from his pale and haggard face. Ren watched her carefully for a moment, perhaps in contemplation, before speaking once again. 

“ ** _Heading to Mos Eisley is the simplest way to gain transport and procure what will be needed for the farm and living there. It will be some time before going back...”_ **

His dark gaze did not waver from her face although he half expected her to protest _his_ plan. He knew that she wanted to collaborate but the last thing he wanted to do was argue about whether to run or hide. In his mind, they currently were doing both.

Kylo Ren was a masterpiece and not in the traditional sense. The picture painted through his bruises told a story that might never come to light if he maintained his path to trying to rule the galaxy. It wasn't until he finally turned his head that she forced her own gaze away, having realized how intently she'd been staring at the marks littered across his skin. Now she pressed her lips together intently as he spoke, but her brows knit together almost immediately at the troubling information he shared. He had been graced with her silence until her expression devolved into complete shock at his final recommendation. 

" ** _Have you ever had to walk that far in the desert? Or ever?_ **" 

It was a flagrant assumption but Ren was many things but a man of the land was not one of them. 

" ** _And here of all places? You won't make it half an hour like… that._ **" 

She gestured to his dark garments and robe, which he'd hopefully be leaving behind if he wanted to withstand even a scant amount of time in the sun.

Once more he'd hear in her voice that tinge of concern. It was still settling in her mind what he meant by the latter half of his statement. When it finally dawned on her, Rey looked at him far more skeptical than she had before.

" ** _Live where? With… oh no._ **" 

A single hand raised to her lips, a heavy sigh exhaled through her nose. Of all the mistakes she'd made in the last few years, this was truly topping the list. 

Despite knowing how she would react and what she would say, Ren still felt the irritation bubbling just below the surface at her indignant response. His dark gaze remained heavy upon her, his words tempered yet short.

“ ** _You can’t begin to imagine where I’ve had to walk. Or for how long.”_ **

He knew she’d grown up on a dusty dirt ball planet very similar to the one they were now on, but it frustrated him all the same that she should question his capabilities. Rey’s assumptions regarding his past had always struck a nerve with him. It was something he’d have to correct in her once given the opportunity to do so.

But for now, he merely lifted a hand, fingers running through thick black hair, strands falling back into his face as he considered her words and noted her aversion to the thought of living with him. It annoyed him for more than one reason.

Though his features never betrayed him, the enigmatic mischievousness in his gaze did. It was a playful yet dangerous glint reminiscent of Han Solo. She seemed uncomfortable and possibly unnerved. Ren did little to diffuse the situation.

Instead he pulled the black tunic over his head, once again bare chested, throwing it back onto the cot. His words were soft but mocking as he challenged her. 

**_“Will I make it across like this?”_ **

He already knew the answer to that but he grew weary of her sense of self importance and wanted to frustrate her as well. He found his thoughts spilling from his lips, a deep, icy timbre.

**_“When I offered my hand to you… you took it. What do you think that meant?”_ **

Ren finally moved slowly towards her, coming to stand just a few inches apart to look down upon her.

The unfortunate truth of the situation was that Ren was right - Rey had no clue about his past beyond the time he'd spent with Luke and the destructive path he'd set on since then. It was bad enough that she felt for him even through that, having very nearly experienced the letdown of a master to that degree.

Instead of giving him the satisfaction that he was right, she merely rolled her eyes and turned away from him. Arms raised to cross over her chest, as the heat of the day already had already started to sift into the home. How were they even going to survive each other after their numerous attempts to murder each other? She'd have to bring that up.

When she looked up next her eyes widened despite herself, the vision of his broad chest not an unfamiliar one, but unexpected given the circumstances. Her mouth went dry and she was reminded of that moment on Ahch-To. But she wouldn't be phased this time and raised her chin to put her gaze back on his defiantly.

" ** _You're welcome to try, but I can't imagine you'll find yourself anymore pleased with the results._ **"

The space that closed between them only made her more acutely aware of the rising temperature in the home. Now she dropped her hands, resting them on her hips as he posed that final question. She hadn't exactly thought that far ahead if she had to explain her reasoning for it.

" ** _I... don't know. It meant... that I'd finally have a chance to help the Resistance in a way that only I could._ **"

That was a dangerous bomb to drop, especially in such small quarters. But this was just as much of a bluff she could offer, knowing full well that there was a bit more to that answer that she wasn't ready to discuss. 

Rey had given Ren the fan to fuel the embers that flickered low between them just then. Her reaction to him had not gone unnoticed. He was a reactionary being by nature, wild and prone to action before thought. But he could be disciplined when needed.

Still, he could not let the opportunity she had given him to pass. Ren inched closer still as he watched her stammer out an explanation, close enough that he could see the tiny beads of perspiration beginning to form just above her brow. His tone was teasing as he spoke plainly.

**_"You’re a bad liar...”_ **

Rey’s refusal to admit the obvious normally frustrated him. But today there was work to be done. For the both of them. He’d find a way to deal with her later. He leaned in so much so that his chest bumped against her although his outstretched arm had grabbed the door to swing it fully open.

As he pushed gently past her he left her with some parting words. 

“ ** _And_** **_you’re not doing it for the Resistance. You’re doing it for yourself.”_**

* * *

Rey had been right about the desert heat. Tatooine’s binary stars had been unforgiving on Ren. But the walk did him good in a way. Had he stayed, the conversation between him and the girl would have become explosive. He couldn’t deny that they had a way of getting under each others’ skin. And once that happened Ren never knew what he would do. He had a few ideas, most involved some sort of maiming or torture. Anything to watch her cry.

So he had left, ripping down old curtains that had once been white, or so he thought. The idea of having to wear that shade bothered him immensely and added to his foul mood. He had fashioned a rough version of a hooded cape and then made his way into the desert.

The walk also served as self-punishment. An unforgiving atonement for failing to kill Sidious. The battle should not have gone the way it had. They were a Dyad in the Force. What had gone wrong? His impulsivity has normally worked in his favor in the end.

The resurgence of the Sith Eternal had been jarring. He had executed Snoke, his master. Their allegiances should have been to him and his new apprentice based on the Rule of Two. They should have been under his command when it came to usurping Sidious. Ren had not revealed any of this to Rey because it meant that he would have to confess that they would need to go up against Sidious once again in order for there to be a balance.

And they simply were not ready for battle against him again.

So now the defeated and battle weary defector atoned for his grievous errors with shame, sunburn and blistered feet.

* * *

Ren's words echoed in Rey’s mind long after he'd left, which she was sure he had been counting on. Every time she replayed the conversation, trying to find a new or better answer to his question, she was left equally as stumped for any believable phrase that segued from the truth.

Had she answered truthfully, it would have given him too much leverage over her. As if simply being there wasn't enough already. What had she expected from this? _A teacher. A partner. A connection._

Being left with her thoughts had been all too overwhelming and so she spent most of the day outside of the small house, running through a few hand to hand combat drills because it seemed to be the best use of her time. The suns were unforgiving in their presence but she wasn't too unfamiliar with the heat. If she grew tired she went back inside to meditate, although she was careful with that as well. If Leia tried to reach her again, Ren would know. Anything that Ren could feel she had to question if Sidious could as well, which left her further agitated at the current situation.

As the hours seemed to crawl by she second guessed staying behind, but realistically Ren may not have given her a choice. Inside the home she fashioned an old broom into a staff and the rudimentary object made her feel a little more at ease. It was unlike her to be able to stay in one place, useless for so long after the time she had spent alongside the Resistance especially. The fact that she hadn't run only further proved Ren's point and when he finally arrived she was near bursting over it.

It made sense that their connection didn't work because they were exact and opposite castings of each other. One light, one dark, yet both pulled to the other side and obviously broken over it. Each time they swayed from their given position was an imbalance in the Force and that was the journey that would make or break the prophecy.

It was dark before Ren returned, entering the shack looking much different than the way he’d left. His nose was sunburned across the bridge and there was a light flush across his once white cheeks.

It looked as if he’d bathed, his once damp hair again a glorious crown of jet black. The dirt and grime had been scrubbed free from his flesh and he was dressed differently. Though he preferred his customary black or dark gray, he was now clothed in earthy shades save for a lightweight top in tan. His boots were a brown leather with matching leather wrist cuffs. A utility belt hung around his waist, the saber he’d dropped the day before safely hidden behind it but easily accessible. He also had a small sack laden with unknown items slung over his shoulder.

Ren had not felt any disturbances in the Force in his absence and so he knew that Rey had not taken off into the desert which actually surprised him. When he found her, he tossed the small sack at her feet before turning. 

**_“Change. We leave in five minutes.”_ **

Although Ren enjoyed a good duel, he was not in the mood to kill Bantha that snuck up on them after dark. 

From outside there was the sound of a speeder bike engine starting, followed by a second.

His unceremonious arrival hadn't startled the girl and he was received by her usual expression of distaste. Fingers curled around the sack and she stared at him for a moment, taking in the sight of him out of his Sith dressings. It was strange, but rather than comment on it she moved into the separate room, making sure to close the door loudly behind her.

Certainly to his delight she reemerged a few minutes later, feeling a bit refreshed to have changed out of the dusty, sandy, and sweaty gear from the journey. Similar in color with browns and grays, when she glanced between them both she wasn't sure if it was worth laughing at.

" ** _Sounds like you had quite the productive day_ **." 

Had he been expecting a thank you? Joining him outside of the shack there was almost a glint of excitement on her face at the sight of the speeders. Ren was resourceful, but that was a compliment he hadn't earned. 

Ren watched Rey emerge from the shack but his expression was unreadable. When she spoke to him - disdain in her voice - it pleased him. He did not feel bad about leaving her for as long as he had. Instead, he offered up his own sarcastic response. 

**_“Quite.”_ **

As he kicked his feet off the ground and guided his speeder away from the miserable shack, he realized that Rey had not liked being left alone, even by him. He knew she had been left behind before - _Twice,_ he reminded himself _-_ but he hadn't realized she still harbored hurt over it. _Still_. How could she still remember that night?

The night brought temperatures that dropped dramatically much to his satisfaction. The speeder bikes he’d obtained for them had been the right type of transport as well. The pair were soon zooming along the barren desert plain, the three satellite moons their source of light on an otherwise pitch black night.

Their destination wasn’t far and had been as he had said, only about an hour's ride from the shack and Mos Eisley. He led them, the cold wind blowing his thick black hair back, moonlight cast on a stern and determined face. 

When they arrived at the farm Ren was relieved. He had hopped off his speeder quickly, leaving it out front for the time being. He was not especially worried about them being stolen as he’d spent many nights alone with transports out front and rarely had trouble with thieves. Besides, the nearest farm was miles away.

A large sack that had been tied to the back of his speeder was unloaded and he’d quickly made his way inside the home. It appeared that he’d been here at some point earlier in the day as the smell of cooked food greeted them upon entering. He thought to himself in passing that Luke’s childhood had been… humble. 

Ren saw no need to add unnecessary decor although if he could have changed the white limestone of the walls inside he’d have painted them darker. It was clean, cool in the day, warm at night, and had running water, a toilet, shower and three separate bedrooms. That was more than enough. 

The sack he’d been carrying was dumped onto a couch placed near a fireplace that felt warm and inviting. Ren didn’t seem to care much about it at the moment waving towards it for Rey’s sake. 

“ ** _There’s food still on the fire. We begin your training at first light.”_ **

It seemed like all he had been doing since she had agreed to go with him was giving orders and telling Rey what was what. That would not have been an unfair assumption.

It would not have been an unfair assumption to say that he was still on edge also, though he masked it well. He had to be careful around Rey now more so than ever. Their force bond created new and complex dynamics between them. And it had proven very unstable as of late. Sometimes it was hard to turn off that part of him that he did not want to share with anyone, especially with her.

If the emotions he felt were strong enough, and they were almost always strongly felt, then she could sense them, even get into his head, his memories. And vice versa. Sometimes it proved exhausting for more than one reason.

Ren also had to contend with Darth Sidious. He was almost certain that the Sith Lord and the Sith Eternal had already begun the hunt for the pair of them. And heavens help the countless souls who would pay for his treason and betrayal because of it. It had taken him years to master the art of blocking other Force sensitives. He was not about to begin letting anyone in now.He was tired. Mentally. His body, however, was already on the mend. 

Ren walked over to the fire, kneeling to grab a poker and stoke it before replacing it and lowering himself down on the floor, his back against the couch. He was content at the moment to stare into the flames and wind down from the day’s events.

The biggest question in Rey's mind, beyond the full and detailed story behind Palpatine's initial vision of her power and decision to murder her as a child, was why Ren thought any of this was a good idea. Clearly he knew as much about a Dyad as she did, otherwise his plan would have been more successful from the jump.

Their attitudes towards each other was going to remain an ever growing mountain, despite the fact they seemed to maintain the smallest bit of civility to move the day along. Just as he would have liked to see her cry, there was a part of her that retained a bit of enjoyment from not crippling with fear at Ren's behavior. She was no droid, no Storm Trooper, and as he'd come to find out, so much more than just a scavenger.

Mounting the secondary speeder, Rey felt a light spark inside of her. It was small, but machinery and all of their wonders remained a point of great satisfaction in her life. Between the wind whipping past them and the grip of the controls in her fists, she recovered a sense of power that had been stripped away from her since agreeing to leave the starship with Ren.

From Rey's perspective he was a man who always had control; once recruited to the dark side there was no questioning his role in the order of things in the galaxy. As he'd so kindly reminded her on the _Supremacy_ , Rey was nothing. Nearly five thousand days of counting, waiting to mean something to anyone... That feeling of helplessness, of unending solitude teetering on debilitating despair, it didn't leave you, not ever.

Arriving at the farm provided a new sense of wonder for the girl, a fresh wave of questions spilling towards her tongue. The home seemed to be in more than working order, it was almost as if someone had been here before, and not just in the hours that Ren had been gone.

" ** _This seems incredibly convenient for you to have access to._ **"

She hadn't decided if she was picking a fight or trying to question if he'd killed a family to have a place to hide. The direction of that was derailed at the smell of warm food, her stomach growling unnecessarily loud. It wasn't exactly out of the ordinary to go a day or two without for Rey; there were plenty of times that her scraps barely made her enough money to collect for a meal from the junk dealers at Niima Outpost.

Ignoring her immediate curiosity to explore what the home held, she moved towards the food, listening to his instructions and feeling a throbbing agitation forming in her temples.

For a moment she was going to say nothing more, but she'd been contained all day with nothing but her own thoughts, Ren had to have seen this coming. The plate that she'd had was set back down and her hands once more curled against her sides, warm eyes narrowed to slits and boring down to his position on the floor.

" ** _Is this what you intended as well? To point and demand and for me to just... obey?_ **"

If Luke were there he would have been able to at least confirm that Rey had been somewhat willful under his tutelage as well, whether or not Ren would find that comforting was another point altogether. 

He had ignored her initial comment about the farm. He knew she’d have something to say about it and had expected it. He had decided that getting them both settled was more important at the moment. She wouldn’t know it, but he was still fraying at the edges.

When Rey questioned him further, another string loosened on the fabric of his patience. The flames from the fire flickered on his dark gaze as he drew one leg in, elbow resting on his knee. It was such an odd sight, really. This hulking figure in all black spearing almost casual and relaxed. Almost.

“ ** _This is the home Luke grew up in.”_ **

Ren couldn’t pretend to empathize Rey’s upbringing in the slightest. Although the power he possessed as a child had made his family fearful of him, he had been wanted. He did understand on some level that her defensiveness was a coping mechanism, a way to shield the disappointment and loneliness. If only she knew how much better off she was for being left behind...

Ren had meant what he had told her before. She never had to be alone again. Her friends in the Resistance could not provide her with what she truly yearned for, whether she knew that yet or not. They would never understand her the way he could. The light and the dark sides of her.

He stood abruptly, facing her with eyes that blazed ten times hotter than the fire they shared.

His hand shot out before she had time to react, fingers ensnaring her wrist much too tightly before yanking her bodily towards him. 

His words were low but seething as he looked into her narrowed, suspicious glare.

“ ** _Why do you insist on provoking me?!”_ **

He breathed hotly through his nostrils, a bull seeing red. He loosened his grip as she stumbled into his chest, fully expecting retaliation at this point.

“ ** _Go ahead, Rey. Give it your best shot. Right now. Because come first light , I’ll be making you wish you had.”_ **

It was truly only a matter of time before their time together came to a head. They could only be polite for so long but neither of them could have truly determined what would have been the breaking point. For a moment, and it was just a moment, Rey softened when he mentioned who the farm belonged to. The fact that he had chosen this planet, this place, somehow struck her. Yet all the same, she wasn't any less annoyed at his overall behavior towards her.

Had she not done as he had asked? As he had been attempting to convince her of all this time? Wasn't that enough, even just for a day? They had almost died at the hands of Darth Sidious and still he wasn't satisfied that her allegiance, however minimal, was currently residing with him.

When he snatched her wrist her eyes widened and the raging agitation that had built over the course of the day wasted no time in springing. Her first instinct shocked her, almost wanting to spit in his stupid, seething red face. Instead, she began shouting.

" ** _Because you're insufferable! Thoughtless! Callous! Are you even human?_ **"

His loosened grip gave her just enough leverage to throw her hand into his chest, shoving him back _hard_ . Without meaning too, the push was a bit more _force_ ful than she had intended. He was left sliding back from his original position, the space between them only increasing as he released her in that moment.

Clenched teeth and small fists balled up at her sides, a pressure building in her chest that made her want to scream. This had been a mistake, but how could they turn back now? She needed answers that only he could provide, and a more insidious thought had formed deep in her mind that she couldn't ever feel fulfilled by her place in this world until he'd satisfied her line of questioning.

This was not over. Far from it. While the storm built up in him he had not completely lost control - yet.

Ren stumbled back only slightly, releasing his grip from her totally. His formidable size granted him much more resistance than Rey was probably used to and while he glared at her from his new position, he did not advance on her again. He was incredulous as he taunted her. 

“ ** _Is that all you’ve got, Rey? For the person you hate the most?! You don’t know a tenth of the things I’ve done to people just like you and for far less.”_ **

A small, devious smirk curled his lips then as his gaze burned a white hot hole into her.

**_“Ask Han Solo.”_ **

His words were venomous as he goaded her into striking him down. And although she could never know, a secret, dark part of him wanted her to pull out a saber and do her worst. Had he not punished himself enough already? The answer was no.

With her hands released she felt a wave of relief that she was not bound to him, physically at least. The more he spoke the harder she felt her heart begin to thunder like a beast against her rib cage. Against her better judgement, she advanced on him instead, shoving her hands into his broad chest with more intent than before.

He was right, she did hate him, but for some reason she couldn't solely blame him for all of the grief in her life. Until he mentioned Han. That released an unbridled crash of emotion that she couldn't have foreseen. When she cried out, it was a guttural howl that came from deep within her gut. Her eyes brimmed with tears and the onslaught of her fists continued to connect with his large frame.

Sometimes a lightsaber wasn't the right tool, not when striking them down wasn't about besting them for the reward of your life. This wasn't like that. It was about making him feel even a quarter of the pain surging through her at that moment. And he did feel it, but his cold exterior made him little more than a carbonite figure in her eyes. The emotions were coming off of her in waves; a mixture of sorrow and loneliness and fury.

" ** _Is this what you want? Was this your plan all along? What more do you need?_ **"

She didn't care if every punch landed or not, the energy that had foamed over needed release in any manner she could find. What words could she even speak about Han? To this day she was still shattered over the fateful moment that he’d lost his life to an ungrateful son.

" ** _You have everything yet you destroy it all. You take and take, yet nothing is enough. When will you be satisfied? When the galaxy burns around you?"_ **

Rey wasn't even sure what she was saying, her voice growing hoarse with her shouting. If he wanted to isolate himself from everything in the universe she would let him, but she did not want to go down that road with him. That wasn't what he'd offered her, and they'd continue to fight until they came to some impasse. She'd once asked why he hated his father and he'd never answered her, always answering questions with questions. It felt good to turn it back on him, even if she felt they would only end up where they had started. 

Ren did not shrink back from her barrage of attacks in the form of pummeling fists. He welcomed it. The raw emotions rolled off of her in waves that he readily received. They were feeding off of each other—a residual side effect of their Force Bond. 

She had managed to get a few good punches and slaps in, one or two that would bruise even. The sting of her last slap, coupled with her accusations caused him to back up, his anger boiling dangerously close to over. 

**_“Rey...”_ **

Before he could respond further he was tripping on the carpet from the onslaught of her attacks and hit the floor hard on his back. Ren was more than certain that Rey had used her force power on the last blow, a deep scowl creasing the corners of his mouth as she came in fast and loose.

As she screamed her last question at him, he found his window of opportunity, catching her feet from under her with one swoop of his leg. He was on her before she had the chance to catch her breath from the fall, pinning her in place not with the help of the Force or restraints, just his own body which currently bared down enough to keep her still.

His face was red and his breathing was rapid yet there was something else in those dark eyes that didn’t read hatred. They were dangerously close now and face to face with more than just each other.

Ren’s words were hushed as his gaze roamed over her face… searching for something in the depths of her eyes.

“ ** _You are ruining my life.”_ **

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t dramatic. Rey was ruining everything that Ren had planned, had trained for. She had been since the day she was born. He had tried to forget. But the Force had a way of interweaving fates one way or another. He didn’t understand all of it. He just knew that he was tired of being haunted by someone else’s legacy. 

Ren didn’t move for a few seconds, dark strands falling into his pale face. He loosened his grip on her, lowering his head so that his lips pressed against her own in a deep kiss that was erotically invasive yet deeply satisfying. It left his intentions quite clear, there was no way to misunderstand it now.

He had no intention of asking her or waiting to see if she would accept him. He kissed her because he had wanted to and more importantly… he did not care if she liked it. Because he knew she _wanted_ it just as much as he did. And if he were to be cut down by her this night, he’d have gotten something from her he’d wanted for quite some time.

When he broke their kiss he lifted his body from her much smaller frame to sit back on his knees, fully prepared for what she’d do next, whatever that might be.

“ ** _Do your worst.”_ **

One thing remained crystal clear however. The time for words was at their end.

Just like the crest of a tidal wave crashing into shore, eventually the water had to break against something solid to stop its force from causing endless destruction. Rey's face was screwed up in anger, grit teeth and puffed cheeks showing every ounce of resentment she held not only towards Ren, but the situation.

Each punch and slap released a little more of it, the ones that landed only gave her more ammunition that maybe this is what they both needed. If his sunburn wasn't enough, he was sure to feel completely punished physically by the time this was over. Part of the proceedings with him felt like something out of dream, an experience that separated her mind and body. She'd never felt so out of control. Neither had her use of the force. 

Through all of this he remained stoic and receiving. Why didn't he strike back? They both knew that he could have ended this before it even began, yet he absorbed each blow like the rain in the ocean. Watching him finally stumble to the ground was enough to cause her wild arms to drop, yet the muscles were still tense, hands still clenched from that fit of rage. Skin was peppered with a heat rash that nearly resembled the burn Ren had received on his journey, and she felt the hair at the nape of her neck matted with sweat.

Suddenly the world went spinning and the shock of her fall forced it all to blink away in a moment of darkness. In a way she was almost thankful, growing afraid that if she kept at her tirade they'd rip the house apart. She didn't want that, even if her desires weren’t necessarily a priority here. Someone else may have anticipated Ren would pin her, but for a moment Rey thought it would have been a welcome reprieve.

Gazing up into the coals he had for eyes, there was so much reflected there. Like she'd seen in the cave on Ahch-To, the darkness there was mirrored inside of her and she wondered how close this pushed her to be lost to it forever. Ren's confession she would have echoed, but her breath was still coming in short, labored heaves.

Instead, all thoughts washed away at the sensation of his lips against hers. They didn't stifle the flames inside of her, but mutated them into something else. The nerves in her neck prickled and she found herself returning this twisted affection. Her body remained still but when he searched her mouth she received him greedily. Suddenly there was nothing but a humming, whether it was her body or her heart she wasn't sure. He released her from the embrace sooner than she had desired the moment to pass.

Immediately she was flush with an embarrassment she couldn't name, and his words nearly fell on deaf ears. Sitting up, she pulled her body in the opposite direction, staring down at the ground between them. Swallowing hard, she ran her hands across her cheeks to wipe away the streaks from her tears and the evidence of their scuffle. The girl was speechless and shaken to her very core. No words were exchanged as she stood, brushing her hands across her pants nervously and turning tail towards the hall. Passing the table, she stopped for only a second, fingertips grazing its surface.

" ** _I'll see you at first light_ ** **.** "


	3. Beginner's Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a rocky start for the fugitives, but maybe running around the desert with lightsabers will make it better.

Without another word, Rey left the common area of Luke Skywalker's childhood home to find refuge behind a closed door. It was not typically her first instinct to run but what other choice did she have? Laying there with Ren atop her had been a short journey full of emotions and sensations she hadn't expected. For a man that was nothing but stony obsidian in her presence, he had been molten lava threatening to devour her whole.

Kisses had never been important to her. They were like fairy tales from a past she couldn't pinpoint as her own, getting tucked in at night and being sent to sleep with a promise of a beautiful new day and the love of her parents. But was that a memory or a dream? In the quiet of the bedroom she couldn't decipher any of it, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours as the aftermath of their argument subsided.

That had been her first, her first to share and he had stolen it. Was it something she should have held that closely to her to feel betrayed? In the same breath she scorned him for it, she somehow felt it couldn't have gone any differently. They were one in the same, haunted by their pasts and desperately searching for a way to create a different path for their futures. Fight as they might (especially her) it may have been time to consider they wouldn't have a future without each other.

Time moves differently on Tatooine; a single day nearly doubles the amount of daylight hours on other planets. Through the few cool hours they had, Rey had only tossed and turned. Ren's face was like a ghost, his dark eyes and thick hair hovering over her as she tried to sleep. Dozing happened fitfully but every time her body relaxed, she was sucked back into that moment of anger and bliss found with his body so close to hers. Eventually, she gave up on the effort and prepared for a new day.

Picking at the food that had been left over from the night before, it would have otherwise been wasted, since she'd clearly lost any sliver of an appetite through their quarrel. Rey stood quietly in the common area, listening intently for any signs of Ren before exiting the home. The two suns had just barely begun to break the horizon, a sight unlike any she'd witnessed on her travels thus far. It was amazing (but didn't quite replace her feelings on the lush trees of Takodana).

Small steps carried her over towards the speeder she'd ridden prior, where her faux staff still remained. Leaning against the side of the speeder, she'd twirl the staff in hand as light filtered more heavily over the horizon, deciding that it was better to wait for Ren to awake rather than the other way around. 

Ren had not been expecting Rey’s reaction and was actually surprised by the fact she had not taken him up on his offer for her to finish what she’d started. He had thought she would draw blood at least. But instead she had fled.

As she had made her hasty departure, a small, knowing smile pulled at his lips. He had waited until he heard the click of the lock on her bedroom door to move from his kneeled position. He moved to the back of the house where he’d spent the rest of the night to finally sleep.

Now he had been up several hours before the suns broke over the horizon but Rey would not have known. It was customary for Ren to always spend an hour or two in quiet meditation. A sharp mind was just as important as a honed body, after all. 

He had heard Rey faintly moving about like a little desert mouse and mercifully decided to give the girl her space for most of the morning. Last night had proven…  _ eventful _ in more ways than one.

But for the first time in as long as he could remember… he did not consult with Vader. Perhaps a part of his attention lay elsewhere.

He emerged from the back of the house, wearing the humble moisture farmers garb from yesterday only with a few red marks and scratches patterned across his face from Rey’s assault the previous night. 

He knew where to find her and wasn’t surprised to find her holding something that resembled her old weapon of choice. As he ventured further out into the heat of the day he’d speak, his voice calm and cool.

“ **_Feeling nostalgic, I see. You won’t be needing that today. Here_ ** .”

He swiftly tossed her an extra lightsaber he’d had stashed at the farm years earlier, preferring to keep his uncle’s for himself. That was currently in his hand, as his own saber had been left behind in their hasty retreat to avoid the clutches of the Emperor and Sith Eternal. Ren had already made a vow to get it back if ever given the opportunity.

It also seemed that what had happened between them last night had no place for conversation during training. If Ren felt awkward or tense around her, he buried it deep, choosing to focus on the task at hand. He ignited the saber, the familiar blue beam crackling against the bright background of Tatooine. 

Suddenly he was running full speed at the girl, not giving her a moment's notice. He would not be going easy on her.

There was still so much that Rey didn't understand about the Force. What she had learned from Luke had been essential to the start of her training, and Leia had certainly added to it how she could, but there was a whole other side that was still such a mystery to her. 

_ Misrepresented _ , she felt would be Kylo's response if she ever sat and asked him directly. But a mystery nonetheless.

Her morning should have been spent meditating as well, but her mind was still a buzz from their... entanglement. She danced around the feelings that had surged from the moment, but was prioritizing other things above that at this time. Kylo was finally getting his wish; whether it be for a week or a month or a day, Rey had finally agreed to be his pupil. Perhaps her demeanor would resemble that a bit better this morning than it had last night.

Squinting through the desert sun that kept him backlit on his approach, she raised a hand to shield her gaze and see him more clearly. As the saber soared through the air, she dropped the staff and caught it easily. She had begun to speak, before he was charging and she lit the saber in hand.

This time she did not back off, but ran to meet him, arms aloft to block the incoming blow. She shouldn't have been surprised at his methods and decided just as quickly that what's fair was fair. There was plenty of tension still circulating her system from last night and she hated feeling overpowered by size alone.

As soon as the plasma blades connected, crackling together, she rotated away from where he would likely attempt to strike next. This was not going to be like the courses she ran on Ajan Kloss, but she'd be lying if she tried to say she wasn't a little intrigued by the challenge of fighting Ren in a less cinematic atmosphere. 

Ren was slightly impressed with their spar that morning. Rey parried the brutal blows from his weapon with more agility than he’d seen from her in the past. Her form had improved and although she still struggled to not become overpowered, she kept up with the more experienced Ren.

They battled in the sweltering desert heat for nearly an hour and a half before he’d called for a recess. Although he would not admit it to Rey, Ren had not gone as easily as he should have on her. It had not been vengeance per se, but it was partly fueled by the resentment that stemmed between them.

Drenched from head to toe in sweat, Kylo had walked a short distance to a well that mercifully still held water due to the efforts of his previous moisture farming. It was also lightly shaded by a small port garage where extra speeder bikes were held and was the perfect reprieve for an overheated body. 

He’d drawn a bucket full of water, dipped the ladle in and drank heartily from it before passing it over to his apprentice. His deep voice cut through the dry heat of the morning, eyes studying his apprentice for a moment.

“ **_Your defensive technique needs work. But you have the speed to keep up with the Ataru style of combat.”_ **

Ataru was one of the more aggressive lightsaber combat styles favored by Sith and it was a form that Rey needed to get familiar with quickly. Especially since it was not the most aggressive style out of the seven used by Jedi and Sith alike.

He cupped his hands into the bucket then and splashed his face with water, rivulets trickling down his flesh before speaking again.

“ **_Meditate for an hour. Practice not searching the Force for solutions… The Jedi rely too much on it for answers instead of using their intellect and instincts.”_ **

Ren turned to her then, his voice deep and pleasant yet his tone held a warning. 

“ **_And if you should find my mother in one of your weaker moments there, tell her that she isn’t the hero she thinks herself to be.”_ **

Had he known Rey had been communicating with Leia through the Force? He had no solid proof. But he had suspected. He knew that the First Order were not the only ones looking for Rey. And he knew his mother. 

He was well aware that Leia would do anything to win Rey back to her cause. It had always been about the Resistance with her. Even when he was a boy. A small frown had formed on his face as he pushed those thoughts of her from his mind before speaking to Rey once more. 

“ **_You’re free to do as you please after meditation. I’d suggest looking through some of the Holologs on the shelves.”_ **

If Ren ever revealed his intensity in this session he might have finally earned a token of thanks from the girl. No matter her reasoning for finally taking his hand, she knew that this path wouldn't be easy and that was exactly what she needed. Much like Finn constantly trying to shield her from the powers that be, she had developed in a world where all she had was herself. Whether or not Ren truly thought they could offer something to each other had yet to truly be seen, so she was grateful to take the lessons if it meant she could continue to be strong on her own.

As she had hoped, despite the strain on her muscles as they concluded, it had been fun. She wasn't sure that was the appropriate term but she had focused on the possibility of advancing. Ren was hardly predictable in battle but he held himself in a manner unlike anyone she'd seen; even the Praetorian Guards hadn't been as swift or mindful in their movements as he. Following to the well she pushed away her minor admiration and pulled her hair from the small buns. That specific style seemed to carry on as practical and she wouldn't change it now, but it felt good to regather the loose and wet strands that had fallen from their battle.

That first sip of water may as well have been Valhalla, cooling her throat and refreshing her almost instantly. Although they hadn't been outside very long, the freckles across her nose and cheeks had already started to reappear from the strength of the suns. She was going to be back to her old scavenger self in no time. Instead of replying scathingly, a solemn nod was offered at his observation.

Replacing the ladle back in the bucket she shifted the weight of the saber between her hands and thought back to their escape from Palpatine. He had moved on to meditating and for a moment the words completely surpassed her until the mention of Leia. She didn't drop the saber but her hands did draw it to her lap and her gaze moved off into the distance.

" **_Most of the galaxy sees her as a hero. To her it's a responsibility. I'm sure you can find some common ground with that, somewhere._ ** "

The tone of which she spoke wasn't antagonistic for once, but an appraisal of her own. Tucking the saber under her arm, she'd reach for the bucket and dip her hands in, before pressing them against the back of her neck. Clearly she hadn't meant the hero bit, but the responsibility in upholding a legacy. Whether he wanted it or not at this point was irrelevant, Kylo had been working tirelessly to uphold his grandfather's name after all. This was one place that Rey would not shame him, because she did not understand how it felt to carry that weight on her shoulders. 

Ren’s eyes settled on Rey as she justified his mother and her actions to him. It earned her a small scoff of disgust to complement his dark gaze.

“ **_To Leia it’s a platform. She’s a politician first and everything else second. You’d do well to remember that.”_ **

It should have been evident that Ben, not just Kylo Ren had not seen eye to eye with Leia. Their falling out had happened many moons ago and at least in Ren’s mind, it was ancient history but a road he did not want to go down this day. 

He said nothing else on the topic, growing sullen and quiet to watch Rey who was currently staring off into the distance. She had freed her hair from its usual style and now he felt the sudden urge to run his fingers through it. But he restrained himself from doing so, much to his own irritation. He was not used to holding back. 

**_“This look… it suits you.”_ **

It would be a flat out lie to say that Ren had not thought about the events of the previous night more than once during their training. With every flash of memory, he had hit back harder in an effort to bury the discord he felt stirring in his core. But it was difficult not to think of it because he had not only kissed her, but she had kissed him  _ back _ .

Ren's response about his mother earned him nothing more but a distinct nod, accepting his comment but choosing not to fight with him over it. She wished to know more about his childhood, to understand how he'd made the decision to turn and knew that it stemmed from more than just his experience with Luke. Alas, unless she was ready to spar for a second round perhaps it was best to hold for the right moment to strike those conversations.

There was a stillness found in the hot desert that was so unlike the silence of space. It did remind her of home, as she squinted her gaze to take in the sandy dunes and horizon that went on forever.

The softness of his next words received a turn of her head as she tried to find the deceit behind them. Rey had no idea how to respond, as Kylo's temperament was the exact opposite of the only attention she'd ever received, from Finn. Suddenly self conscious she turned back to the bucket, but had miscalculated her movement, knocking it back down into the well. It splashed at the bottom and she stepped back, pulsing sheepishly.

" **_What are you going to be doing until dinner?_ ** " 

It was all she could do to draw attention away from her spastic behavior, her thoughts circling on what had prompted his compliment and whether or not that was something they were going to address. 

_ We aren't _ , she told herself decidedly.  _ We can't _ . 

But Kylo wasn't a Jedi... and at this point, she wasn't sure what to call herself either. Regardless of that, it was a moot point. He would answer this question and his apprentice would move on to her next tasks. Especially if it meant putting any distance between them that allowed her to breathe once more.

Ren said nothing as he watched her turn to look at him in disbelief. To his amusement she began to flounder, knocking the bucket back into the well. He looked down into the dark void of it before glancing back to her, a small and genuine smile gracing his lips. In this moment he looked every bit the scoundrel, Han Solo displayed fully in his features.

He’d never admit it, but he got off a little on her skittishness. 

His gaze was intense but his words were matter of fact in nature. 

“ **_Last night was your first kiss, wasn’t it?”_ **

He failed to answer her question because he knew she didn’t really care what he was doing until then which only added to his mirth.

The goal had merely been to confirm that he had a plan for himself that didn't involve being around her. There were plenty of things she could handle but suddenly this specific contact and connection with Ren was throwing her for a loop. And she was trying so very desperately to hide it from him.

Clearly it wasn't working.

She imagined that other women would have responded much differently in this situation with Kylo, almost like they would with Poe. That man was as charming as he was frustrating but his heart was in the right place. Currently the jury was out on whether or not Kylo had a heart at all, at least that was something else she tried to convince herself of.

Nostrils flared in annoyance at his question, hands ringing around the saber in her grip before she answered.

" **_Is it that obvious?_ ** "

Now she really maintained a gaze on the distance, not wanting to have the image of his knowing smirk emblazoned in her mind as she admitted the truth. 

Kylo Ren did not smile much. In fact, it was extremely rare. Although he had gently teased her, the small smile remained as he told her the truth. 

“ **_No. Not during...”_ **

Ren would not go into detail with her to save her the embarrassment but he could still remember the way she tasted. The way she had yielded to him before kissing him back. 

He moved then as if to start back toward the house, his smile finally settling back into a more intense look. He stopped short suddenly to stand in front of his young apprentice, a hand rising so that a finger could tuck a stray curl behind her ear. He was careful not to touch her otherwise.

“ **_Peace is a lie, there is only passion._ **

**_Through passion, I gain strength._ **

**_Through strength, I gain power._ **

**_Through power, I gain victory._ **

**_Through victory, my chains are broken._ **

**_The Force shall free me.”_ **

He suddenly spoke in a strange and exotic language, his voice deep and low.

**_“ Qotsisajak. The Code of the Sith.”_ **

He backed away from her then and began his walk back to the house to get on with his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lil' shorty! But things are only going to get more intense from here. Buckle up kiddos, its gonna be a bumpy ride. Also, there's lots of musical motivation behind different chapters (even though its too hard to pick for these first few). Might tag a few along the way just because! As always, enjoy and let us know whatcha think! 
> 
> Also... there's no distinct word for heaven in SW lore and Valhalla just seemed to fit the time, so squint your eyes past that if you need to! <3


	4. Fools Rush In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After several productive weeks training on Tatooine, Ren and Rey finally acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Two weeks passed in a dusty and hot blur as Ren and Rey continued their training. It was not Ren’s intention to train the girl in the Darkside of the Force solely. He merely wanted to show her that there were other ways to become one with it and have a healthy balance of both. So he had continued with where Luke had left off in his Jedi teachings as well, however grudgingly.

Ren was not particularly fond of it. They had battled countless times since the first day and covered every style of combat, from hand to hand to Juyo, the most aggressive and difficult lightsaber combat style. Only the most skilled Jedi and Sith were able to combine these styles, but Ren had faith that Rey could achieve this in time.

The training harkened back to a time that Ren had enjoyed during his own instruction. He felt his body strengthening and healing, evident in a more defined and chiseled physique. Having to teach someone else also kept him on his toes and disciplined, the task of being responsible for someone else a queer feeling.

With much of their days devoted to physical training and meditation, it left little time for discussion on anything else. The events of the first night they had arrived at the farm were fast becoming a distant memory, though through the master-apprentice bond that was forming, their relationship strengthened as each day passed. 

Early evenings were spent studying the countless volumes of Jedi and Sith lore and history that Ren had amassed in the form of holocrons. Rey could look upon the faces of ancient warriors of each order and read about their unique histories, achievements, powers and fighting styles. Sometimes there were discussions regarding a certain matter and Ren secretly enjoyed having found in Rey an apt pupil.

Nights were the most difficult, at least for Ren. Although they ate together every night and had settled into some semblance of civility, their force-bond haunted him, a constant reminder that they were still not balanced in the Force. 

And he often had nightmares. They were always the same. The final act to the darkside by murdering his father or the night he had hid a tiny force sensitive girl from the First Order...

This night had been no different. He woke in the dead of night, covered in a light sheen of sweat as he blinked back the dark and bad dreams. He sighed heavily before throwing back the thin blanket he used, deciding he’d sit by the fire to contemplate their next move as sleep would not be of solace anymore.

The house was still and peaceful, the fire a bright beacon of comforting warmth against the chill of the desert night outside. He had been lost in his thoughts of disturbing reports he had heard on his last trip, two days prior to Mos Eisley to restock on supplies.

The Emperor had ascended to full power in the galaxy. And he ruled with all the brutality and cruelty that the darkside of the Force was capable of. 

Ren knew that it was only a matter of time before they would be on the run again. And he knew that they would be running their entire lives unless they faced Sidious again. But still, he did not think they were ready.

The time spent with Ren had confirmed one thing that he had mentioned so long ago, and he was making good on the promise. He was an excellent teacher. Even in the subjects that he may have wanted to gloss over, equal attention to detail was offered to make her well rounded in her knowledge of the Force. A deeper appreciation for his longtime standing offer grew within her each day, although there were still moments that she regarded him skeptically. Their energy vibrated in a way that she had not experienced with Finn or the Skywalkers, and it brought her to a state of repose she could not describe, but that did not happen overnight.

The routines that they shared often made her think of Luke or Leia at their ages now, reconnected with each other and the Force. Being in the home of his former master often made her wonder how Luke would view what had taken place. In the last few weeks, she'd done her best not to contact Leia, although the woman's voice did reach out to her during meditation more than once. It was hard not to say anything back.

Rey wished that had been the only voice that came to her in quiet moments, but Ren's did too. It wasn't the same as their little chats while she trained on Ahch-To, it was never as clear anymore.

Rising from bed at night wasn't too often an occurrence for her, the days tired her out and there were even a few that she pushed further to ensure that sleep came easy. Exiting the room, her soft gaze didn't regard Ren with surprise, having felt his waking presence before she'd left her bed. Quietly she'd join him near the fire, taking up a seat on the couch and pulling her legs crossed beneath her.

" **_What else can we do to prepare? I want to be ready._ **"

There was no way she knew exactly what he'd been thinking, but when he shared the news about the Emperor's resurgence, it was a constant flicker in the back of her mind that she needed to not only meet Ren's prowess in battle, but exceed it to take Palpatine on again.

He was not surprised when she appeared and settled down close by. Their force bond told them when the other was near. Annoying at times, but useful nonetheless. 

Ren’s gaze traveled to meet her own, the flames reflected in the black of his eyes as he spoke thoughtfully.

“ **_I don’t have an answer for that.”_ **

Ren was not annoyed by the question or his response. It was what it was. As a sobering afterthought he added to it.

“ **_But we must prepare to leave soon. I have felt him through the Force._ ** **”**

He knew that Sidious was close to discovering their whereabouts even with Ren’s strong mental blocks of the Force. Sidious was at full power now. His mental attacks on the younger Sith had been unrelenting as of late. He did not know how much longer he could keep him out.

Ren’s gaze lingered on her concerned face for a moment before he looked back to the fire, consumed in thoughts unknown.

In truth she was surprised that Sidious had not targeted her to let them know he was coming. There was no way that she could have kept him out to the degree that Ren did, or at least she felt that was the case. She'd been able to turn such infiltration back on Ren without much training, perhaps it was best she stopped undercutting herself so often.

His answer was rewarded with a somber expression, realizing that perhaps there was no way to be prepared enough to take him on. Rolling her head slowly, stretching the muscles in her neck with her eyes closed, a soft sigh would escape her. She didn't want to believe that their future was hopeless.

" **_Do you believe that this can work?_ **"

She left the question somewhat vague, but her hand waved between them in a definitive gesture. Catching her up to his skill level was one thing, but finding harmony between them was quite another. There were moments of it that they'd experienced, but maybe they were just too afraid of really acting on it for it to be useful in the coming fights.

As she waited, she lifted her hand to push through her unkempt hair. The shoulder length tresses were loose once more, a style that she seemed to reserve for the evenings, and even then not too often. But she wasn't thinking about that when she got up from bed, just the swirling haze of concern that orbited around her master, drawing her to him this night.

Rey’s question broke Ren from his thoughts. He turned his head from the fire to look at her for a long moment without speaking. The way the question had been posed left him contemplative. 

It was only when he noticed her hair that something peculiar had dawned on him. The morning after they had arrived at the farm flashed to the forefront of his thoughts for a moment. He reached out to her slowly as she was seated not far from him, his hand cupping the side of her face gently. A thumb grazed her jawline in a slow trail along its edge. It was a surprisingly gentle act from one not known for them.

Ren hated to not have the answers as he was used to being the one with them all. But now he swam in dangerous and uncharted waters.

His voice was barely above a whisper as his eyes traveled across her face, searching.

**_“I don’t know...”_ **

Whether he was talking about their issues with Sidious hunting them or their unique relationship was difficult to distinguish, even for himself.

Would she be able to understand? The jury was still out on that.

The girl's softer, brown hued gaze remained on him in the moments it took him to respond. When he was reserved and hard to read, his eyes always gave him away. It was the one thing that she had come to understand over their time together, the depth of feeling he could withhold from every part of him except his deep, soulful eyes. Try as she might to remain open to him, to encourage his honesty, she felt he rubbed off on her instead. The pensive moments before speaking, carefully choosing what she said and when she said it. Perhaps Ren should have been thankful for that, because it meant fewer fights even if it didn’t always give her more answers.

When he reached out, her throat tightened for a moment, unsure of what to expect. But as his fingers grazed her skin, she released a slow breath, allowing her cheek to rest against his palm. For a moment she allowed her eyes to close, as her stomach filled with butterflies.

" **_You were right before._ **"

She began softly, keeping her eyes closed as if that was the only way to have the strength to admit this.

" **_I did come here... for myself. You don't make me feel inferior or superior. Maybe that's not right but…”_ **

She hesitated then, unsure of what his response would be to any of this.

" **_To feel equal... it's freeing._ **"

Was she referencing the Sith code? Or just musing on the fact that each chance she'd taken since leaving Jakku had thrust her into several different hierarchical chains. The more time she spent away from it all, the more she preferred it. She preferred Ben without them too, hoping that perhaps he could empathize with her confession. 

Although Rey could not see him with her eyes closed, he listened intently. The hand on her face seemed to tingle, his breath deepening, the air and space between them heavily charged with energy from… somewhere or something.

His brain could register what it was but it… _felt_ different. It was something not understood with logic but by the very essence of what made him. 

When she spoke of being freed it was as if it had been a trigger word for him. Something in him reacted and his thoughts were no longer in control, only impulse.

He leaned into her gently, his mouth catching her own in a kiss that left his full lips buzzing. There was an urgency and a wildness in his technique that would leave her breathless if nothing else.

Her brows knit together in a moment of panic when he remained still. Perhaps she had been wrong to share those thoughts with him but it was something she'd been withholding since this journey began.

There had not been time to open her eyes before he came to her and she was grateful, though not surprised. They spent far too much time holding back their emotions for the sake of the other, even if they had the best intentions attached to it.

Just like their first night in this home, Rey did not shrink against him. One hand would raise, curling against his wrist and hand that still held her, while the other mimicked his hold. It started at his jaw, before tenderly moving down to his neck, cupped against the nape and sinking her fingers against the raven curls that sat there.

None of this made sense, but maybe it did. The dyad could have existed in several different forms, but they were graced with this one. A connection that was seeking more from them than just an amicable understanding of the Force.

When she kissed him back, she sought to taste him fully, not chastely as it had been before. She wondered if he also felt the surges of electricity, moving down her spine and into the tips of her fingers as they connected. It was a glorious and powerful sensation, lighting her ablaze from the inside out. 

Rey’s receptiveness to his advances was just the invitation he needed to show her what he had suspected for a while but could not put into words until now. But… the time for words was over, at least at this very moment.

Her touch felt like tiny sparks on his skin, each more electric than the last. Ren deepened their kiss, his tongue finding her own in an intricate dance that was delicate but heavily charged with words never spoken. 

Her fingers in his hair only urged him along as he dared to let his massive form push her flat against the couch they had been sharing, his waist between her legs. His free hand acted as support, as the one that had been cupping her face gripped her chin and tilted her head to expose the gentle curve of her neck.

His lips left a trail of hot and angry little nips down the curve of smooth skin there, teeth pulling on soft flesh painfully. And just as if it were going to be too unbearable, he switched technique. Gentle kisses and suckles were used to soothe the bruised and bitten flesh back up the red trail he’d left. 

There was a recklessness about Ren, she had to have known that and at the moment it was on full display for her to experience first-hand. It was dangerous the game they both were playing… if you could call it that.

This entanglement was long overdue, even for a girl who didn't quite understand the terrain they were currently exploring. All she could do was feel and respond as her body had so longed to do. Chancing a look into their past, even when they first met, when Ben revealed his face to her something had changed in the room.

At the time she had mistaken the feeling for contempt. All this time later, she finally realized what he'd meant. _Don't be afraid, I feel it too_. It was this, the unmistakable call of desire that threatened to consume them.

Ren spared no time to reposition them and she adjusted accordingly, her legs shifted wantonly to allow their bodies to touch more intimately. They closed around him, thighs tightening against his sides of their own accord. If she had shared with him her first kiss, had he considered what else may be a first for her?

The reminder was given when their lips parted and his mouth changed direction, the pressure of his teeth causing a short but breathy gasp to escape her. The movement of his lips that followed was so tender and unexpected. While he had his fun, she did not remain still. Her hands fell away from his face, to familiarize themselves with the breadth of his shoulders, the strength in his chest and the muscles of his stomach.

This behavior was not becoming of a Jedi, thankfully it seemed she was okay with abandoning that title, even without one to replace it.

Ren smirked against her skin as he felt her much smaller hands began their exploration of his form. He lifted his head then, the grip on her chin abandoned so that he could grab one of her hands, his tongue coating her palm in his spit.

Ren lifted his body slowly to kneel, her legs straddling his hips. He slowly brought her other hand towards him, putting them against the top edge of his pants. He placed a hand over one of her own and dipped them inside to touch and wrap around his ever hardening manhood.

Things were happening too quickly now, Ren feeling his actions were not his own. 

He was a large man in form and as such, was quite endowed elsewhere. He passed her hand over the length of him once, then twice, his dark eyes smoldering as he watched her stroke him gently without his guidance after a few moments.

A strange look had clouded his gaze, one that he’d had many times in his life before but never with such ferocity. There was a hunger there. One that only her submission could sate.

His arms crossed in an X shape across his chest so that fingertips could pull the shirt he wore up his torso and over his head to be thrown to the floor below. Raven locks would fall messily into his pale face as he watched her flushed features, fingertips rolling her own top over her ribcage and off of her body to join his own on the floor beneath them.

Large hands roved over the hill of her breasts, skimmed the flat valley of her stomach, to linger at the waistline of the pants she wore...

Ren’s gaze traveled up to meet her own then, searching. He was not a fool. At nearly eleven years her senior he knew better. But their energies had been at odds because they had refused some primordial Dyad that existed between them for far too long. 

He knew of her inexperience, the first chaste kiss, the awkward admission. He just simply did not care. But he _should_ have. _Reckless…_

Rey didn't know what steps to take next, what moves to follow with, but her hands seemed to have minds of their own now. Brave little soldiers marching into battle on his body and zealously looking to beat down the walls that separated them.

Ren's desire still seemed somewhat caged, the display of sensual affection was converse to the heat that battered her senses entirely. Could he feel the same from her? A longing that needed to be fulfilled and knowing that it couldn’t be anyone but him.

Nervous fingers followed the path he created but when met with his rigid cock, there was no mistaking the shock in her gaze. It was obscene, the way he moistened her grip and guided her hand into place, but it didn’t dim the blaze surging through her veins. Rey didn't dare lift her eyes from him then, familiarizing herself with the weight and ridges that filled her palm and then-some, just as she seared the look he was giving her into the sacred pages of her memory.

With the removal of his shirt she finally dropped her eyes to his broad chest, his lean torso, only made more appealing after weeks of training. She'd already gotten to appraise him in the past, even if she had been too stubborn to admit what desires the sight had ignited then. Having the same motion applied to her did invoke a moment of modesty, as her hands had to leave his body completely to allow their state of undress to match.

Beneath her own tunic was smooth cream and unblemished skin, save for the spotty bruises on her shoulders and sides from sparring. The freckles that decorated her face reappeared on her chest, tapering off around her breasts. The small mounds were dotted with tender pink peaks that gave away more of her excitement.

She had never been this bare in front of anyone yet the way that Ren stared at her, almost as if he were going to eat her alive, did not frighten her. Suddenly those warm brown eyes had transformed into pools of lust, wide and ravenous for every part of him she could handle.

Pushing up beneath him, her hands met his hips once more. Instead of seeking out his lips, she pressed a kiss to where his heart was beating beneath his skin.

Should they have been worried that this mingling of their energies would act like a beacon to Sidious? It was a question that died, buried beneath the craving that ruled her senses and actions. 

Sidious be damned. He was the furthest thought from Ren’s mind at the moment. 

Their bodies practically hummed at their own unique vibration, each touch causing a ripple of energy to course through blood, muscle, senses. And then Rey had done something unexpected. The placement of her kiss on his body caught Ren off guard. It was innocent and sensual all at once.

He could feel it stammering against his chest, expanding and receding more deeply than he wanted to admit, his hands coming up to grasp the rounds of her shoulders, pushing her roughly back and away so she was pressed against the cushions once more.

Ren’s eyes searched for something in her gaze but the only reasoning he could find was in the way he felt in that very moment. With the last of their clothing slipped off, they had laid each other bare, skin to skin with no more barriers between them.

With one well muscled arm balancing his weight atop her, he kissed her again, teeth nipping her bottom lip to draw blood lightly. The closeness of their bodies and the way her nipples brushed against his chest… the sound of her breath hitching as he reached his hand between her legs, fingers finding their intended target to manipulate the bud between… it caused a fire to build inside his core, threatening to incinerate everything in its wake.

When he knew she was ready, evident by the slickness between her thighs, he guided himself inside of her slowly, pressing his forehead against her own as he met resistance. He had never experienced true innocence on the scale that he now found it and as depraved and animalistic as it was, it turned him on greatly to be the first to claim her in such a way.

Later on Rey would probably reflect on how different this would have been if she had a mother to talk to about what she was going through with Ren. It was unique to feel so alone and then to find a partner out of the ashes of a cold, dark war. No matter what she may have ever thought about him before, those memories were not forgotten but pushed aside as they finally expressed what words could not.

Breathing felt nearly impossible through all of this, still happening but suddenly she had to remember to do so. The more of their skin was revealed the harder she found it to keep inhaling.

And the way that he touched her... it made her forget about the conflict that was brewing outside of the farm, made her forget about the friends that were looking for her or the danger that awaited them. All that existed was the slick heat his mere presence seemed to stoke to a brilliant, blinding height. 

Lost against his lips, her hands trailed from his stomach to his hips, fingertips running along the sides of his back like feather light kisses. It could have been ten seconds or ten minutes, but his own hands incited a feeling of pleasure she had never anticipated, a feeling that she could easily grow to crave.

And when their bodies truly connected, a low hiss unraveled from her throat, brows furrowed and stomach tightened. Legs enclosed around him, hands dug into his back. It was only a moment of discomfort but one that left her breathless. Now her belly flip-flopped, drawing her tongue over the bruise on her lip from his teeth. Gazing up at him, she’d press her lips to his once more in a silent confirmation that she was ready for what came next. 

For just a moment Ren could see Luke’s reproachful stare, hear his mother’s stern and disapproving warnings at what he was currently doing. It gave him a sense of great pleasure to be in the midst of such a lewd act with the girl. To know what he was doing to their precious Rey. To know that she _liked_ what he was doing to her. _Reckless..._

Her kiss brought him back to the here and now and he returned it, teeth dragging her lower lip into a light suck, the taste of her blood briny on his tongue. He worked himself into her tight, wet heat inch by inch, his muscles flexed and taut as the light from the flames danced over their bodies in exquisite form. One hand suddenly slid to her throat, fingers gripping around it in a tight squeeze as he broke into her center fully with the snap of his hips.

Ren looked down at her face flushed red and lovely as he now labored between her thighs. Her attempt to take and adjust to all of him fully was admirable. It only served to excite him further since he was currently buried up to the hilt in her and still wanted more. 

He was rougher than he should have been with her considering it was her first time, controlling the pacing of their coupling which had become quite demanding and unforgiving to her inexperience. His other hand had gripped her thigh to hike her leg higher onto his hip, grinding into her with a ferocious abandon.

Ren could not tell how long they had been entangled in their passion, as time now felt fluid. At some point his grip on her limb had left, joining the other hand to hold her neck in a firm choke, as he rode her hard to completion with powerful, brutal thrusts. They quickened with the expert roll of his hips as she constricted around him nearing her own heights.

It felt like the twin suns of Tatooine had exploded inside his entire body. The sense of being far bigger than just a body in that moment, the feeling of fuel through coursing through his veins, his blood on fire. Ren buried his face into the gentle curve of her neck, as flashes of white light could be seen through closed eyelids.

A low groan escaped his lips as he spilled the universe back into her, waves of energy reverberating through the Force that rippled around their entangled forms as he slowly loosened his tight squeeze on her windpipe.

Ren pushed her body to limits she didn't know were possible, going from first kiss to first everything in an indiscernible amount of time that night. She quivered and cooed beneath him, each quaking breath granted to him as small gifts to relish. His large hand pressing against her throat caused a near hiccup in her breathing, a dizzying effect rolling through her body as he spared no more patience with gentle touches. She should have fought against him at that moment, instead she relinquished control to the endless friction that forced her eyes shut and her voice to come escaping in ragged heaves. 

Rey was no princess and it only made sense that any reservations towards her inexperience were forgotten as they neared the precipice. It was waning pain and growing pleasure wrapped into one endless motion of his body pinning hers to the small couch. There was no warning for what would happen when they did and it felt as if her body was betraying her, thrusting her from her corporeal being into a place of light and pleasure. His warm breath heaved against her and she blinked the stardust from her eyes, unsure of anything to do but let the swirling intensity of the moment wane away…

* * *

Sleeping with another body so close to yours was yet another activity to be checked off a list of things that Rey had never done. It was different, comforting even, although still very surreal. The way her body nestled against Ren's like a puzzle piece, the length of his limbs providing more coverage to her body than the spare blanket that draped across their waists. She lay still, but her thoughts were in a haze as she reconciled each moment. It felt like a fever dream and had she not woken up in his arms Rey might not have believed it had actually happened.

A part of her wanted to move but was also afraid to. How many moments like this were in their future? How many _should_ be? Was this merely physical, or just the first door to open and explore the possible feelings between them? Daringly, fingers trailed down his arm, slowly but boldly threading her smaller hand against his. It was then she decided that a few more minutes to avoid the blazing new day couldn't possibly earn her a punishment, considering he'd participated in the crime. 

It felt good to have Rey’s warm body against his own but Ren now wished that they had expressed themselves in a bed rather than the much tighter confines of the couch. His muscles were sore and ached from being cramped.

Last night’s fire had burned itself out to only smoldering orange embers, the room hazy and mercifully dim against the day's heat. An arm held tight to her waist keeping her close against him, his other twitching slightly under the light fingertips of his apprentice.

His eyes were still closed as he interlaced his fingers with her own, a small spark sending currents of energy up his arm and throughout his body. He stirred against her, his breath in her hair as he murmured deeply, still half asleep.

“ **_This will not get you out of training. But… it might buy you another hour.”_ **

Being with her in this way felt slightly wrong but oh so good. Last night the connection between them had been laid as bare as their bodies had been. There was no denying it existed now. It was pointless to resist. And he’d have her a second time before they needed to start their day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo many feelings with this chapter, and no real accurate way to describe any of them besides :3 Reylo songs aplenty for inspo, but the one that fits (for now!) is Black Coast ft. Ponette - Medicine. Give it a listen, and more Reylo song recs will come with future chapters! 
> 
> Your hands are shaking when touching her skin  
> Your hands are shaking cause you're all in  
> And nothing feels as good as this does  
> But I'm already gone, I'm already gone, I'm already gone
> 
> Your hands are shaking, you're playing with fire  
> Your hands are shaking cause you feel alive  
> And nothing feels as good as this does  
> But I'm already gone, I'm already gone, I'm already gone


	5. All Good Things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Rey are unprepared for visitors on Tatooine.

A full month had passed on Tatooine and Ren and Rey’s training by day continued much in the same way as it had before. Except now nights were spent in each other’s arms, expressing physically with their bodies what they could not express with words or thoughts. Light and dark combined on the nonphysical realm as well, opening pathways to the Force previously undiscovered. 

Perhaps they should have been careful in more ways than one, but when you were worlds away and shielded from the harshness of the mess you had helped create… There was nothing logical about their situation and as such, Ren began to do something he had never done before. He was starting to let go of the old Force doctrines that had been instilled into him since his youth—Sith and Jedi alike. He and Rey were discovering that the Force was more complex and nuanced than the rules set in place by others for them to follow. 

There were moments now that Rey would be able to catch small glimpses of the man he had once been and the light flickered dimly, a small beacon of hope. But then there were the other times… the times when heavy shadows crossed his face and manipulated dark moods. 

For a little while his dreams had ceased, aided by Rey's touch and the light within her. But the last several days had seen them return and plague him terribly. With it came wild disturbances in the Force. Ren suspected that Sidious had now discovered their whereabouts, perhaps even weeks ago. 

Why had he not attacked? It was deeply troubling and something was amiss with the entire situation. Rey had to have felt it too. So on a night that they lay in each other’s arms, he expressed his intent for them to leave by the morning.

With each passing day that they had consummated their relationship (could you call it that?) Rey both saw and felt the change in him. How strange that they'd managed to find happiness in the midst of nothing but chaos.

Now that the tides finally calmed between them their lessons only continued to show improvement, proving to Ren that not only was Rey a formidable opponent in her own right, but that the dyad was working with them instead of against them as it had for so long.

There were evenings that she mused about the whereabouts of her friends and wondered what they would do if they faced each other again. She had abandoned them and in that process allowed a terrible danger to descend upon the galaxy. She did not take sole responsibility for it but in the back of her mind she wondered how things would have played out differently, although it always made her heart ache at the idea of being at odds with Ren for any longer than they had been.

The looming thought of the First Order and Darth Sidious did provide a certain strain on their bubble. They knew this couldn't last forever but what was the correct next step? Would they be able to keep any semblance of the peace they found with each other here on Tatooine if they were running from planet to planet? She'd teased once that maybe they could go back to Ahch-To and start over, but that had been a short lived (albeit funny) conversation.

" **_I'd ask why not just leave now but I suppose we could use a little light to arrange transport anyway…”_ **

Unless he'd already had that planned out, which wouldn't surprise her in the least. Their current positioning was one of her favorites at the moment, with Rey sitting up and Ren sprawled out, having access to those thick locks that simply begged to have her fingers through them. It was easy to calm him this way and keep conversation when clearly, sleep was out of the question for the next few predictable moments.

Laying with Rey this way, in various stages of undress, her hands in his hair, his body nestled between her thighs, was one of the reasons that Ren wanted to wait until first light to leave. The other reason sat closer to his heart which surprisingly he had found to still reside within him, beating however slowly. But still beating… Perhaps both reasons he had for waiting were selfish. 

Instead, he pushed those thoughts down deep, a small scowl framing his mouth as dark eyes looked up into her face. His gaze was still intense yet it held a hint of playfulness too.

“ **_Must you ruin everything?”_ **

He sat up slowly and turned towards her, disheveled dark hair spilling into his face. Despite the scar (courtesy of Rey) that slashed across his features, he looked regal in a way (and technically he _was_ royalty). He possessed his mother’s good looks and dark eyes, Han’s full lips and lustrous hair. His nose was a little longer than it should have been but it worked in his favor, adding to the intensity of his features.

He was currently shirtless, his pale skin gleaming in stark contrast with his dark bedroom where almost everything was in shades of black and gray. 

Ren’s intentions seemed to have shifted as he stared, a shaded lust flickering through the glance he gave her. 

An impish grin found its way to her lips at his comment, a roll of her eyes following. Things had changed but they hadn't changed completely. But she found that she liked those moments the most... where she was reminded of where they had begun and how far they'd grown since then.

" **_I kind of want to say yes but only because you told me so._ **"

Funny how words they'd shared in the past constantly came back to bite them, sometimes for the better and sometimes for worse. That had only been the tip of the iceberg for what lay beneath the surface between them, and when he shifted towards her she felt her skin prickle with renewed desire.

Ren let a finger trail along her collarbone, hooking under the sheet she used to cover herself as he pulled the fabric down slowly revealing what he sought underneath.

**_“Do you really want to leave right now?”_ **

It wasn't fair how easily he could flip that switch on her, but there had been a few moments that she'd managed to get under his skin in the more delightful of ways as well. Rey was far more forthcoming with her smile, even as she bit down at her lower lip to suppress it when he reached for her.

" **_Well if you put it that way..._ **" 

He began to lean in to give her now exposed breasts some much needed attention but suddenly stopped short. His brows furrowed in confusion, a small hitch in his breath given before he pushed himself up and away from her. He shot her one final look that was undecipherable before rushing from the room, grabbing his shirt along the way.

If she were confused, Rey would be able to hear it before she’d see it, the unmistakable sound of the Millennium Falcon landing outside.

For a moment Rey was filled with dread, weighing her down to the mattress as Ren sprung free from it. Looking down at herself was the moment that brought her into the realization to move, and as she pulled pants onto her legs she heard the sound that threw her heart and adrenaline into hyper-drive.

" **_Oh no... oh no... oooh nooo..._ **" 

Ren threw the front door open, eyes squinting against the bright flood lights of the ship that he detested with every fiber of his being. Several figures stood outside close to the Falcon, weapons drawn, save one who stepped forward from the group. His hand instinctively went to his waist, fingers curling around the base of the lightsaber, ready to draw and strike down if necessary. The tone in his voice was seething.

**_“You should have stayed dead, Uncle.”_ **

Of course her mind had immediately gone to Poe and Finn, bracing herself for the scrutinizing and devastated expression she'd receive from Ren's traitorous trooper. Hastily grabbing a shirt she tugged it over her torso and bound through to the living room just as she heard Ren speak.

_That's worse than I thought_ , her mind spoke freely where the words got caught in her throat. To a normal teenage girl this was the equivalent of getting caught in bed at your parents home... and well, this was not the equivalent, it _was_ that!

Luke stepped forward once more, hands lifting to remove the worn brown hood of his cloak. His shaggy blonde hair had whitened considerably since the last time Ren had seen him on the salt flats of Crait and their final duel and his face was deeply lined with age. His voice was loud and clear as he spoke, the floodlights finally dimming enough for everyone to see each other more distinctly.

**_“Where is she Ben?”_ **

Ren’s eyes narrowed at his uncle, a small sneer replacing his permanent scowl.

“ **_She doesn’t want to go back with you old man, not anymore.”_ **

Suddenly one of the forms that had been silhouetted against the floodlights in the background stepped away from the others a few steps, his voice ringing out loud and sure against the quiet of the desert. 

“ **_You kidnapped, Rey. And we’re here to take her back, by any means necessary.”_ **

It had been Finn, who lifted his blaster pistol up in a show of aggression although he did not point it at its intended target. Ren had cut his eyes at the boy, making a mental note to kill him after he murdered his uncle. _Nuisance_.

There was the unmistakable sound of a shrill, Chewbacca emerging from the Falcon’s ramp, his own blaster in tow though it had not been raised. 

Ren grew agitated seeing his dead father’s old partner, something inside of him stirring. So the whole party was here then...

****

Luke turned his head to the side slightly, an arm rising in his cloak so that a hand was visible, a sign that his group should stand down and lower their weapons. They all obeyed, though there was a slight hesitation from Finn before he too dropped his weapon back to his side, his eyes wavering from Jedi to Sith cautiously. 

The older man turned his attention back to his nephew who had lowered his head to glare at the ground, only those black eyes traveling back up to look his uncle pointedly in the face.

Luke returned his gaze, his blue eyes flashing with agitation before softening slightly. When he spoke, it was more plainly and so that only he and the other could hear. He was careful not to take another step lest Ren fall into combat mode.

“ **_Ben… we know she is here. We know what happened with Darth Sidious. We know you tried to kill him.”_ **

Ren looked up then, his voice filled with venom.

“ **_By we, do you mean you and Leia?”_ **

He literally spat the words out like a piece of rotten food, hostility beginning to rise in his very core.

“ **_Ben...”_ **

Ren exploded then, an angry roar that caused the rest of Luke’s party to lift their weapons. 

“ **_THAT IS NOT MY NAME!!”_ **

Chewie shrilled again loudly, stepping forward a few paces before Luke calmly raised his hand into the air, once again asking his team to stand down.

A dry laugh emitted from Ren then, his face red from anger as he looked down on his uncle. 

“ **_You and my mother haven’t changed one bit. She’s still sending you to clean up her mistakes and like a dog you obey.”_ **

Luke’s eyes fluttered closed slowly as he inhaled deeply. Ben had always been such a willful child, as an adult it was no different it seemed. It was as if he were steeling his nerves. When his eyes opened, he continued, though his words were more pressing.

“ **_We don’t have much time. The First Order knows where you are. And they are coming with the full might of the Empire behind them. We must leave. Now.”_ **

A brow arched high at Luke’s explanation, a small scoff accompanying it.

“ **_We?”_ **

Luke gave a curt nod, looking first to the open doorway where he could sense Rey’s presence lingering in the shadows.

“ **_Rey...”_ **

Luke slowly dragged his eyes back to his nephew, matching intensity with his own.

**_“... and you.”_ **

Of all the possible outcomes for their discovery, Rey had not anticipated that Luke would be the one to step out from the Falcon. To the last of her knowledge he had died in order to let that last of the Resistance escape, and not another word had been heard from him since. Even when she tried to connect with the force while training with Leia, she fought to find Luke’s voice in the void. 

The tension rising between uncle and nephew was thicker than the midday humidity on Tatooine. Although she wanted to diffuse it, she wasn’t sure that was the best route to take, not yet. Standing in the shadows wasn’t ideal either, she felt like she was cowering. Or better yet, hiding her sins. Why did it have to be Luke? 

The next voice to join the fray hadn’t exactly offered any confidence in the next stage of the situation. _Finn_ , she sighed, knowing that he more than any of the others would be on the immediate offensive. She didn’t have to imagine how hard it would be to ever tell him the truth of what had happened in her absence. 

Instead she focused on the present, on the confirmation of what she and Ren already knew and what the escape plan would be. 

“ **_So much for not leaving right now._ **” 

She spoke but her voice was only loud enough for Ren to hear.

Still mostly clouded by his body in the doorway, she could touch her hand to his back, a delicate brush of her hand against him through the shirt, before dropping it and moving around him. It wasn't as if she’d be able to pretend she hadn’t been inside this whole time. 

“ **_Luke... Finn._ **” 

Even as she finally moved to face them, without saying much more than their names, she felt her face burning red with shame. The setup was awkward, a sort of triangulation that involved Rey between Ren and Luke, with their friends scattered at the edges. He was right when he’d spoken before, she did not want to go back with Luke, but the circumstances had changed. 

From behind the group that had gathered another figure emerged, tall, rugged, and uncharacteristically pleasant given the situation. 

“ **_She’s all right! See and you’ve been worried all this time that he would be wearing her face or something.”_ **

Poe Dameron clapped a hand onto Finn's shoulder, never one to shy from throwing him under the bus for his obvious and blinding affection for Rey. She would never acknowledge it, especially not now if she could help it. Turning her gaze back to Luke, her words were hesitant but clear. 

“ **_And do they know you’ve come? Do they know you’re alive?”_ **

Her final question gave way to the surge of betrayal that suddenly overcame her at the secret he chose to keep until this moment. She hadn’t asked for him to save her, not when he hadn’t had the decency to let her know he was still alive. She wondered how long Leia had known, which only indicated that Ren was right about something else when it came to the Resistance.

Ren glared at his uncle, a scoff given to his offer. Why would Luke want him to come along? What exactly were he and his twin up to?

As Rey appeared from the house and he felt her touch against his back, he turned his head ever so slightly. The subtle exchange had not gone unnoticed by Luke, who looked slightly unsettled but recovered quickly when their attention had turned back his way. 

As Rey approached, Luke let his hands fall onto the rounds of her shoulders in a light squeeze. His voice was gruff but he still held a gentleness in his blue gaze, laden with concern. A small smile was offered as he spoke quietly to her.

“ **_I know you must have a lot of questions. But those will have to wait. We need to make sure we get you to safety first. And there’s someone who desperately wants to see you.”_ **

As Rey regarded Luke closely, she remained skeptical of his behavior as he tried to soothe her in a fatherly manner she did not ask for. Her demeanor remained stoic, making sure to keep him out of her thoughts even if he didn't really deserve to be treated this harshly. Perhaps it was just easier to project her disappointment on him, rather than take accountability for where she had inevitably let him down.

At the mention of Leia (because who else could Luke have been talking about), she felt her heart drop into her stomach. She and Ren were going to have two very different experiences with the woman, but Rey hoped that some bridge could be mended between mother and son. It was a small silver lining to the timing of everything now, but just a small part to a very big mess.

Already the girl was flooded with emotions; she should have been happier to see Luke, to see her friends, knowing that they had been worried about her. Truthfully she felt _annoyed_ that they had interrupted what was likely to have been the last night of quiet companionship she'd be able to share with Ren for sometime. Her thoughts were clouded already, her loyalties being tested and pulled and they'd been back for not even five minutes. She should have been grateful, because now it seemed had they waited until morning, that might have been too late.

Ren had stayed rooted to his spot, seething with a rage that threatened to boil over. _Who did Luke think he was?_

Luke gave a final reassuring squeeze to Rey’s shoulders before moving past her, stepping towards Ren. 

“ **_Get on the ship. Or don’t.”_ **

Luke shrugged then, giving his nephew one last look of cold annoyance before turning to join the rest of his crew. 

Finn felt the clap to his shoulder but he shrugged it off, still keeping a watchful eye on Ren some distance away. He didn’t trust Sith. Especially not this one. But as Rey neared he pulled her into a warm embrace, a soft laugh of relief spilling from him. 

**“** **_I knew you’d be ok.”_ **

He pulled back from their embrace to look into her face, beaming. He was just happy to have his best friend back at his side.

Caught in Finn's embrace, joined by Poe a moment later, she squeezed them tightly in return but felt the back of her neck begin to burn with shame. She wished she had said that she wasn't going to get on board without Ren, that they'd have to come to some understanding about this before they could flee Tatooine. But she was walking a tightrope between revealing what had happened over the last month and keeping it a mystery. She didn't owe any of them an explanation for her decision, especially as she had come to learn so much about herself in the time that she'd spent away from the Resistance.

Ren swallowed hard as his gaze followed his uncle before settling on Rey. Was she really thinking about leaving with them? After everything that had happened between them? Just like that?

The reality of his situation was weighing down on him quickly now. While he had effectively hidden from Sidious for over a month, he knew he could not do it forever. He’d always be on the run… and with Rey. It was a losing battle until he faced him again. 

And even with quite possibly the most powerful Force-sensitive in existence, they had still lost. Ren felt numb at the realization that his uncle’s offer was their—no—the galaxy’s only chance of possibly winning this war. How had it come to this?

He seemed to have found his voice then, calling after Luke. 

“ **_They’ll kill me if I go back with you.”_ **

Luke looked over his shoulder, a brow arching enigmatically. 

“ **_They won’t. Not before your mother kills you first.”_ **

Ren’s brows knitted together in frustration and then anger. He said nothing, but with each step he took towards his dead father’s ship, his face turned a deeper shade of red.

  
  


Looking back to Ren, taking in his expression, it at least seemed they were equally as lost in the reality of what was coming next. Silently she was thankful that this hadn't exploded into an all out brawl and that he'd moved onto the ship of his own accord.

The journey back to Ajan Kloss had been a quiet one, at least for the dyad. Finn had swept her up to their usual corner at the hologram table, a laundry list of questions filling the silence. Thankfully Poe had always known how to read a room and redirected the conversation about what had been going on in the rest of the galaxy in their absence.

Rey wasn't listening, reaching out to Ren through the Force to offer some sort of comfort, but also to confirm that although the situation was not ideal, the arrival of the group had been convenient. There was no telling how he'd respond, but she remained reluctant to talk much to anyone while they maneuvered through space. Mentally she was preparing for the dialogue awaiting their arrival to the Resistance base, which she was surprised remained unscathed as Sidious ascended in power.

**_“I thought you were dead.”_ **

Ren sounded disappointed, his words icy as he stared into the black vastness of space through one of the windows of the Millennium Falcon. They had moved away from the main group much to Ren’s agitation. He had wanted Rey by his side, especially now. 

But as the dynamics of the group changed aboard he had decided it was best to block her attempts to reach out to him and as such, he wholly ignored her, not even sparing her a glance once. And there was another reason. A selfish and unfair one. Ren felt as if Rey had jumped at the opportunity to rejoin her friends as soon as Luke had commanded it. He wanted to show her his displeasure in the only way he knew how at the moment.

To say that Rey wasn't externally dejected by Ren turning off to her would have been an understatement. Poe and Finn hadn't exactly given her a choice but to remain at their side and she wasn't entirely sure how to ease them into the situation. None of them would understand a single part of this. They wouldn't understand why she'd left, the hell that she and Ren had put each other through, and the awareness they had gained not only about the Force but why certain things had played out as they had between the pairing.

She wasn't ready to see Finn's face fall if she took Ren's hand. She wasn't ready to see Poe's expression swathed with confusion and betrayal. They'd been fighting against Kylo Ren for so long and suddenly she was just... with him? She knew it sounded crazy and yes, she did love them... but if given the opportunity, she wanted to make the pill a little easier to swallow. Besides, what would either of them have said or done on the Falcon together? A part of her felt as if she were sparing both parties a further uncomfortable situation. But there was really no avoiding that, no matter what steps they took.

Now, Uncle and nephew sat off in a corner, the two of them both looking grim and uncomfortable. There was so much bad blood between them, so much history they’d rather forget and it read in their body language. Yet here they were, still communicating, however little.

Luke let light blue eyes settle over his nephew’s brooding form for a minute, thoughtful before he spoke, sharp and to the point. 

“ **_Yeah, well there’s a lot you still have to learn about the Force, Ben. Like not to abuse it the way you have been doing.”_ **

Ren scoffed again, his eyes angrier than his words.

“ **_I wonder then, since you know so much. Did the Force tell you to murder me as a boy as I slept, Grand Master Jedi?”_ **

Luke would remain quiet but considered his nephew for a moment before letting his eyes travel towards the group Rey now found herself immersed in. 

He’d then look back to his nephew who currently stared out of the window—brooding and pale —having not waited for an answer. A look of concern crossed his features again but he said nothing of it, instead standing to head towards the cockpit of the Falcon, leaving Ren with his thoughts for the time being.

Luke had not said much else to his nephew on their journey to the Resistance headquarters on Ajan Kloss. He had shared a few pleasantries with Rey but she did her best to avoid him as much as possible, something that had not gone unnoticed. He had decided that he would not broach the subject with her now anyway. It was simply not the time nor place. Besides, she and Ren still needed to come face to face with his sister first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get really exciting and the response to the story so far is enough to make a person giddy! Thanks so much for continuing to read, new chapters will be up at least weekly, but we can't say much for consistency on when exactly weekly :D How do you think Leia will react to their return? Dun dun dun :x


	6. ...Come to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brought to Leia to face their actions, will Ren and Rey be able to remain connected through the scrutiny?

When they finally descended to the planet, a heavy bundle of nerves worked their way up into Rey’s throat. Would Leia be waiting for them? Would she drag them each off by an ear and reprimand them for their disappearance? Who would she talk to first?

The series of questions gave her an immediate need to retch, but she held it at bay until they had moved into the main clearing of the base. It seemed as if numbers had started to replenish since she'd been here last, which was a positive sign that although she had abandoned her post in the past month, others had gladly come to join the efforts against The First Order. 

It would be several hours before they were to speak with General Leia. She had requested a private audience to speak with them both together with Luke present.

The hours leading up to the meeting were internally hellish for Ren. The looks tossed his way when spotted throughout the base ranged from surprise and confusion to horror and downright hatred. He could see it literally rolling off of their bodies as he followed his uncle’s lead. 

And he had also been housed to wait in a section of the base that saw far fewer people. Apparently his mother thought it would be safer for both sides of the fight until she could iron out the details of a believable cover story. She had settled on a story about Ren wanting to switch sides and how he now wanted to help the Resistance destroy the Empire. He did not want that at all. But the Resistance and Ren did have one thing in common: the need to end the Emperor.

The alternative was being placed in a locked cell and that would not have gone over too well for anyone. Whether it was believable was up for debate.

And there was something else. Ren had continued to ignore Rey once they touched down at the base, which only continued to annoy and worry her. A part of her was sure that once they spoke to Leia, they could explain things, settle them in some way so that there was an understanding between the split group. Instead he was pouting like a child and she was left helpless in the fray. It gave them time to regather themselves, which was quite necessary at the haste in which they had left the farm.

When they finally faced Leia, Rey had showered and changed. The styles were similar to the way she'd wrap and wear her tabbard, but the colors more muted in olives and creams. A combination almost of all the places she'd been. But most importantly, at least to her, her now dry hair hung loosely to her shoulders. There were so many small things said by this expression alone when she'd walked in to meet with the small group.

Now the four of them stood face to face in the counsel room. Luke hung back from the group, remaining in the background and quiet as the conversation played out. Ren was unreadable as he blankly stared at Leia. She looked older and more worried to him.

Leia was a formidable woman in a way. Though she was much older and there were worry lines around her eyes, she looked upon Rey with warmth and regard, gathering her in a mother’s embrace when they neared each other. Her voice wavered as she spoke.

“ ** _My stars, it’s good to see you. I was so worried about you.”_ **

She pulled away from the girl then, giving her a once over before her brows knitted softly in concern. Reys demeanor seemed different somehow. She seemed to shrink away from the interactions with those that had previously been readily accepted.

A small grunt fell from Ren’s lips as he shook his head. 

“ ** _My mother, the actress.”_ **

Leia’s demeanor grew stony as she stepped away from Rey to stand in front of her son, a hand lifting up swiftly so that the full flatness of her palm made contact with her son’s cheek in a sharp crack that sent his head whipping to the side.

Ren’s eyes widened for a moment, stunned as he brought his hand up to the blooming red splotch that burned across the side of his face. He had not expected it.

Leia stood her ground, a finger pointing directly at Ben as she spoke to him sharply, words only a mother could make sound like a death threat.

“ ** _And you. What were you thinking, Ben? Not only did you drag her into the mess you created but you drag her to the other side of the galaxy!”_ **

Ren still held his face as he scowled deeply at his mother, remaining silent.

Leia shook her head at him, inching closer as she spoke heatedly.

“ ** _And don’t think I’m not aware of what else has been going on. I can see it all over the both of you. You should know better.”_ **

When the palm connected with his skin Rey audibly gasped, turning to him expectantly as the accusations continued to blast. They were both under scrutiny and her face filled with three shades of embarrassment. Her eyes cast down before the general but she shook her head before the words followed.

" ** _He did not drag me anywhere._ **" 

Finding her courage, she would lift her head to look into Leia's eyes once she began.

" ** _I left of my own accord. It was too dangerous to explain and…_ **" 

Rey wasn't sure how to finish that sentence, her gaze pleading with Leia for mercy.

" ** _You cannot blame him for what has happened without blaming me too_ **." 

Her eyes remained on his mother’s, but she chanced a glance peripherally at Ren. If he didn't bend as she stepped to the edge on this matter, then their time together had been for nothing. 

Leia was poised to continue her admonishment of her son but turned to face Rey, blinking back her disbelief of the words she was hearing. She closed her eyes for a moment, a heavy sigh fuming through her nose as she stood facing them both.

“ **R _ey, none of this is your fault do you understand? None of it. Did… did my son, did Ben ever hurt you?”_ **

Ren’s head snapped towards the two women, his eyes a flash of anger at her insinuation.

“ ** _Mother!”_ **

Leia shot him a dark look, warning him to be quiet and turned her attention back to the girl before her.

Ren’s jaw worked heavily in aggravation but he stilled his tongue, finally daring a glance at Rey, his black eyes hardening as he waited for her response. If ever she wanted a chance to be received back into their loving fold or get rid of him for good, now was the time. But would she take it?

The girl was honestly astonished that their meeting had so quickly devolved into a round of blame. Truly she'd hoped that they would have spoken with Leia separately, not because there was anything to hide, but to allow the honesty that _both_ of them needed with the woman. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Ren was full of so much pain. Even if his time with Rey tempered it, it was always there, humming beneath the surface.

Her chest felt heavy with disappointment at everyone in the room, including herself. In this moment however, she could only take responsibility for the things that she had done.

" ** _If he had hurt me, I would have come back sooner. And if he weren't here now, I wouldn't be either_ **."

Rey felt her face flame once more, wondering if every exposed inch of her was burning with shame and anxiety and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. She was glad her hair was down, covering parts of her neck and hopefully hiding away some of the full bodied blush she'd become. There was more she could say, but now her gaze had turned fully to the man beside her. There was a softness in her brown eyes that begged him to release the anchor of anger in his grip. Hope bloomed in her belly that they could move through this conversation and the others to follow... but only if they were together. She did not want to go back to the start. 

Ben let out a low breath he didn't know he’d been holding, his gaze softening as he comprehended Rey’s words. She had not abandoned him.

Leia seemed to consider Rey’s admission, a small shake of her head given. But it was one of relief. Her son had not hurt the girl or done worse and although she loved her son, the thought had crossed her mind more than once that he had gone so far to the darkside that he would be capable of such heinous acts in the pursuit of power. But he _hadn’t_.

In Rey, Leia saw herself. In Rey, Leia also saw the same mistakes young girls make when it came to men with histories. Yes, she _could_ practically feel the energy that flowed between them, a connection through the Force not easily broken. The dilemma lay with whether to save her son or save the one he shared a bond with which was complicated to say the least. She was his mother and she knew him well. She just wasn’t sure if he could be entirely saved.

But perhaps he was not hers to save. Leia had a connection to Ben and could sometimes feel his energy through the Force. It had almost always been volatile, wild, tortured. But for the last few weeks something had changed. Ben had been at peac and she could feel that too.. Leia knew the cause was likely to be the girl who stood before them.

But she also saw the capacity he had to destroy everything and anything around him, including himself. And that frightened her. 

Finally she lifted both of her hands in surrender, sighing once more while shaking her head.

“ ** _Things will not be easy for you here. Not for awhile. People’s lives have been ruined by my son’s affiliations. They won’t understand at first and some will always be unforgiving. But I will do what I can to soften the blow...”_ **

She looked at them both, worry etched in the corners of her eyes before she continued. 

“ **I _suppose there’s no point in trying to keep you apart. Not that I’d be able to, anyway. I just ask that you be discrete.”_ **

She walked back towards Ben, the same hand reaching up to his reddened face. This time she cupped his cheek gently. They stared at each other, mother and son, neither saying a word for a long moment. Ben finally looked away first, eyes downcast.

When their moment had passed, Leia looked to Rey, that familiar warm smile returning. 

“ ** _You’re both free to go. Someone will get you settled and you should get some rest. Because tomorrow begins the next phase in our step to overthrow Sidious and destroy the Empire.”_ **

Through all of this, as fear continued to build like pressure inside of a volcano, one person had been silent. Through the admissions, the questions, the emotions. Luke Skywalker had been eerily quiet through all of this and Rey was concerned that her former master was going to tip the scales out of their favor in the next few moments. But she waited to direct any attention his way, instead making sure it didn't flicker from the man beside her until he signaled that in some way, he had heard what she'd said.

Without a word, she felt the shift, like a cool breeze coming in through a cracked window. It was just enough to let her know that they would not be enemies again, and for that she counted the stars in her favor. As Leia finally found her own resolve with the admissions, Rey relaxed, her shoulders rounding and breath flowing easier as well. Never had she been put through such an inquisition since... well... her first meeting with Kylo Ren. And he thought he was nothing like his mother.

Rey would have liked to tell Leia that she would help the others understand, that things were different even if articulating how they had changed wasn't what people wanted to hear. He was a beacon of darkness and evil, a monster in many ways. Some monsters were vile by night, but humans by day. It wasn't perfect but it was a start.

As they were dismissed there was a look shared between the two women, a silent exchange of gratitude, understanding, and hope. The world at large teetered out of balance and if possible Rey was even more confused as to how to approach it. Her issue was with Sidious, she knew that Ren could command the First Order to do anything he wished if the emperor was eliminated. But what would his next call to action be if that ever came to fruition?

Desperately she wanted to reach out and touch him, a simple brush to his hand or nudge of their shoulders. But she remained passive as she turned from him to Luke. Would he allow them to escape this meeting with no investigation of his own, or was he going to consult with his twin before launching his inquiries on the pair? Rather than let him get the jump on either of them, she'd bring her eyes to his aging face.

" ** _Do you have anything to add or can you find us later_ **?"

Rey was suddenly feeling emboldened. Maybe it was by the half blessing from Leia (was it a blessing when, as she'd said, there was no stopping it?). Maybe it was a renewed sense of self importance. They were all going to have to work together to move through the next part of the plan, whatever it may be. And at the moment, their strongest bet was right in front of them. However, cooperation was a two way street and she didn't think Luke would want to push them the wrong way, repeating the same mistakes he'd made over a decade prior.

Ben’s gaze still remained downcast for the time being as he listened to his mother doling out her sense of mercy and justice. Should he have been more grateful? Perhaps. But he knew better. He knew that they were all biding time until the inevitable. When loyalties clashed and old hurts would be dredged to the surface. For the time being, he would remain passive in that regard, but at the cost of inner turmoil.

Luke had been quietly observing the scene, never once showing any semblance of emotion. He had remained neutral until he was finally addressed as he knew he would be. His glassy blue gaze settled on Rey, a small shift in his features revealed concern. Her time away had definitely had a drastic impact on her. Her energies felt different and there was something else that troubled him...

He merely shook his head once, moving to join the group as he spoke. 

**_“I would like to talk to you about continuing your training as soon as possible. But I must speak with my sister on other matters first. I will find you both tomorrow. Besides… I think you both should get some rest.”_ **

At the mention of training with Luke again, brows would rise slightly at the suggestion, but she relaxed into a neutral expression a moment later, merely regarding the idea of speaking with him tomorrow with a slight nod. She couldn't get out of this meeting fast enough, and she was sure Ren felt the same.

Leia nodded then, dismissing the pair to get settled in for the remainder of the day. As they exited the counsel room, they could see Luke approach his sister, quiet words exchanged as the door shut on their conversation.

**_“There’s something you should know about—“_ **

* * *

The walk to their quarters had been silent, only a member of the Resistance neither of them knew walking them to a small room with an adjoining bathroom in a newer part of the base. The barracks here were only half full now, but Ben saw that not being the case for long as the Resistance was sure to gain new recruits daily. He frowned at the thought. _Misguided fools._

Rey was buzzing with a disruptive energy, confused and slightly volatile in her own right. Clearly feeding off of the man beside her, with no way to truly know until they spoke again. She had no idea where anyone else she knew may have been hiding during this time but her only goal was to get out of public view as soon as possible.

When they had finally been left alone, the tension between them radiated. Ben didn’t dare to explain to her why he’d chosen his course of actions or rather, inaction. She wouldn’t understand. And the last thing he wanted right now was to argue with her. He felt wild, out of control. Luke and Leia, the Resistance, the Empire, Sidious… none of it mattered right now.

In a matter of hours he had lost his grip on a goal he’d been charging toward for years. 

Large hands reached for her arms, turning her to face him. He was on her within seconds, pushing her against the wall with more force than he had intended. Yet one intention should have been crystal clear at that very moment. He needed her. In the most primal of ways that a man could ever need someone.

His mouth devoured her own, his hands roved over her body, fingers ripping at her clothes, his breath heavy, chest heaving. She’d be able to feel his desire through his trousers, hard and erect and with far more determination than her protests — if she had any. 

Warm breath had found the shell of her ear as he continued to undress her.

**_“I need you...”_ **

All she wanted now was to touch him, to take him in her arms and explain, if she could, her own intentions moving forward. Gruff force had her in his grasp and her mouth may have opened to say _something_ but it was immediately cut off. The fervor in his charge was matched immediately.

" ** _I'm here._ **" 

She managed to whisper at some point, if it was in response to allowing this to happen or confirmation that her affiliations had not shifted, that was a conversation for _after_. Her mind was flooded with all of the exchanges that had taken place in the last few hours and all she wanted now was to forget, to make him forget, if only for a little while. It was a good thing they had found a less destructive way to get out their frustrations in the last few weeks.

Shirts were discarded and fingers fumbled to disrobe them of their bottoms, hardly caring if there was a bed or chair or anything near them. Left hand scaled his stomach, smoothing over the length of his torso (quite likely her favorite part of him). Alternatively her right hand took him in her grip, caressing his length, urging him to buck against her. Lips pressed to his shoulder and collarbone, alternating between soft kisses and quick bites. The sound of his labored breathing always sent shivers down her spine, forcing a swirl of heat to pool in her belly and further.

To hear her words of affirmation spurred Ben on; the touches, kisses and bites to his flesh igniting the dark fire within. He gripped her waist, lifting her onto his hips as she remained pinned to the wall. 

Entering her most sacred place was like dipping into something holy and forbidden to him. He could barely contain himself, his upward thrusts rhythmic and powerful as he opened himself up to both sides of the Force effortlessly. The smooth, slick heat between her hitched legs felt amazing. Their passion spilled out in loud moans and gasps and had there been anyone in the vicinity, there would be no questioning what was taking place behind their closed door.

Ben could feel energies, new and old, that rippled through space - time flowing through him as he reached the pinnacle of his ecstasy. The carnal desires that expressed so easily in these moments were nothing short of brutal at times. 

Hoisted upon him, legs locked around his waist and fingers sunk into his hair and shoulders. Had you asked her when she was still on Jakku if she ever saw passion like this in her future, she would have stared at you blankly. Now there were times that she responded so wantonly to Ren that she could hardly recognize herself.

Perhaps it was just the burden of the day, but she didn't last long through the onslaught of his bucking hips. Scaling his back with fingernails biting into his flesh, she buried her face in the crook of his neck as her climax ripped through her. Her center gripped him, unyielding in that moment as she exhaled hotly against his skin. The universe seemingly expanding around them, as they poured into each other unbridled emotion and yearning.

They were spiraling towards something devastating if they weren't careful. The people around them weren't going to understand what they had come to in their time away. But none of that mattered now, as her arms clung to his frame, accepting the offering of his energy as readily as she had many times before.

The aftermath of their reckless entanglement had been blissfully quiet. They lay entwined in blankets and each other, half awake. Ben had not wanted to broach the topic of what had transpired only hours before between them and his family. But he knew at some point it would come up again. So he bit the bullet, his voice deep and laced with fatigue.

“ ** _Things are… more complicated with my uncle and mother than you know.”_ **

He wasn’t trying to apologize for them, they could do that on their own. But he needed Rey to understand the dynamics at play. And more importantly, he needed to keep her on his side always. There were certain events from Ben’s past that he’d rather Rey not know. 

Though he had a deep seeded dislike for the relationships with his uncle, father and mother, they were his blood. And blood-ties ran strong with the Skywalkers and Solos.

Luke and Leia and even Han before his death, had a way of drawing people to their cause. They were all natural leaders and exceptionally gifted in what they excelled at. It was no different with Ben save he excelled inwardly. They had never fully understood him. 

And now Luke was back from the dead and reconnected with his twin. They were doubly frustrating when connected by the Force. He shifted against her body at the thought, his thoughts troubled. His embrace on her tightened. 

**" _Luke will want to oversee your training again. I do not like it… but I do not think you should resist either.”_ **

Where was this coming from? Ren, not Ben, had been instrumental in teaching Rey and under his tutelage she was fast excelling. But something that Luke had said aboard the Millennium Falcon had struck a chord within him. _‘Yeah, well there’s a lot you still have to learn about the Force, Ben.’_

Why was he always right? Damn him and his observations. There was an understanding between him and Luke that Ben had tapped into _something_ within the Force that was not yet understood by anyone. Rey had also experienced it, however, she was not as unbalanced as he was. He could be downright unstable at times. 

Harnessing the Force in an erratic state could be catastrophic. He did not know what any of this meant, only that he could not control it but could not resist its pull when their Dyad let them experience it through acts of ecstasy and true happiness either.

Rey had been sure that once they arrived on the base that they would have been separated immediately, and things would have resumed the normality of her time on Ajan Kloss before facing Ren again on Kijimi. That it would have been right back into training courses and meditation and planning with Poe and the others. Having been allowed to go back with Ren made her feel incredibly grateful that Leia seemed to have understood some semblance of what was going on. But the more she thought about it, the more selfish she felt for wanting to resume how things were with him the last few weeks. And then she felt quite guilty, knowing that there were more important things in the galaxy to worry about than her feelings for the only Solo son.

Gently, her head rested against his bare chest, listening in on the calm thrumming of his heartbeat. If she could stay in these moments forever she could almost forget about the rest of the world, but that wasn't possible. Instead she'd cherish them, locking the memories away for later. His voice rumbled through his chest, forcing her over onto her back beside him to listen. Clearly he was undercutting his history with the family, but she'd remain quiet and allow him to continue. She did not like what he had to say next.

It forced her to sit up solidly beside him, her expression laced with shock and indignity.

" ** _Are you serious?_ **

Her words were caught in her throat on what she wanted to say next, a deep breath filling her chest and brows knit together in poignant thought. She wanted to further question his motives, of course somewhat self conscious that she had done something _else_ to upset him.

Although the time spent on the Falcon had been awkward and cold, she felt she'd more than stated her case about the direction of her future. Her neck grew hot with the implications all of this was shoving into both of their laps. Centering herself with another slow, calming breath, she'd try and redirect the frantic notion that had suddenly fallen over her.

" ** _What more do you think he can teach me that you can't?_ **"

Yes, Luke Skywalker may have been a Jedi Master, but her concern wasn't about mastering the Light versus mastering the Dark. They had transcended that and she didn't want to backtrack. 

Ben propped himself up on one elbow, his dark gaze catching every emotion that ran across her features. She was displeased. But she also didn’t understand. He was quiet for a moment, a hand reaching out to brush stray strands from her face. 

“ ** _You never completed your training with Luke. And there are things… things that I cannot show you that he can. No Jedi or Sith can harness every power known through the Force. There is still a lot we don’t know.”_ **

He sighed then, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss on her forehead before laying back against the pillows, eyes closing in sleep. The kiss was slightly dismissive in nature, as if to say that the discussion was over. She would resume her training with Luke whether she liked it or not. Besides, he knew that eventually she’d bring it up again. Tonight was not the night to argue in his mind. 

Ben _did_ feel like he wasn’t being totally truthful with her, however. If he wasn’t, he surmised that it was for her own good anyway...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We couldn't wait to post the next chapter! :x What do you think Luke had to tell Leia? Also we got a little #sassyRey here. Was she being fair to Luke, or just protective of Ren/Ben? Tune in again soon to find out! hehe


	7. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling into life on the Resistance Base is going as well as expected, but resuming her Jedi training proves to be more daunting than ever before.

Training with Luke would not be how she remembered and it certainly would not be how she had trained with Kylo Ren. Luke took a more passive stance when it came to training. 

It was more about the mind and its connection to the spirit and how that transformed someone on a personal level. Transcending oneself was extremely difficult to accomplish and there currently was only one Force sensitive alive in the galaxy who had succeeded. And that happened to be him.

He had come for Rey just after daybreak, unsurprised but still unsettled when his nephew had opened the door to their small barrack. He did not break the dark look Ben tossed him until Rey appeared. 

“ **_It’s time.”_ **

He looked back to Ben politely.

“ **_Your mother is expecting you in the counsel room. There are some logistics she requires your assistance with.”_ **

Ben grimaced lightly at Luke’s words, turning to Rey. He leaned down, lips pressed to her own in a kiss meant to be reassuring and comforting but there was rebellious heat to it, possibly a show to Luke of who her loyalties now lay with. He gave her a final look before straightening and walking off to leave the former master and apprentice alone.

As the two bid farewell to one another in the form of a kiss, Luke regarded them calmly, though his lips had tightened into a thin line. He watched Ben retreat through his periphery before settling his bright blue gaze back on Rey. 

“ **_There is still light in him. I do think you are the reason. But like some light, his has dimmed…”_ **

He turned then, beginning to walk as he spoke, heading out past the barracks to the lush flora of the forests beyond the base. Luke had learned from Leia that being amongst natural settings had been of solace to Rey in a time when she found herself tired.

What Rey disliked most about this situation, from everyone who regarded her, is that she suddenly felt like a pawn in greater plans. It was a realization she'd only had when she finally did leave with Kylo, but now everything had changed. She'd felt the shift and what she thought she knew seemed to be falling between her fingers like grains of sand. She was happy that he was Ben again, even if she sensed that another shift was coming. It wouldn't be so easy to just turn on and off, he'd been rooted in the Dark Side for years and that stemmed from his relationship with all of the people they were around once more.

When the morning came, she prepared for the day without question, even if there was a pull in her gut that festered with agitation. She fastened her hair back a bit differently today, keeping it practical but letting go of a bit of the things she knew and did. Almost her own bit of rebellion, to let people know that she had come back changed.

The kiss exchanged with Ben warmed her, even if she had been caught off guard by his open display of affection. One hand settled on her belly in his wake, curling against her tunic to clench and release, trying to dispel the nervous energy that filled her in his absence. Looking to Luke as they made their way to the familiar path away from the base, she added curtly.

" **_There has always been light in him. I've known it since the day we met._ ** "

That part was true, even when she didn't understand the Force, when they reached into each other his greatest fears were revealed and that disappointment was rooted in his pull towards the light. But in that moment, she had to question: did Luke still see darkness within her? And if he did, how much?

" **_And he taught me things about the Jedi. It wasn't a crash course in the dark side, which I know you're wondering._ ** "

What she wouldn't give to go back to their discussions about the differences between the two, the faults within each but the way to grow their strengths from it. She wondered if Luke could ever consider having a round table discussion like that.

Approaching the clearing, her eyes closed as she took in the warm air, hearing nothing but a gentle breeze and the wildlife in the distance. The air was thick with the sweet scent of blooming flowers and greenery, a stark contrast from the sandy planet of Tatooine. She missed it here, but she'd keep that to herself.

Luke led Rey deeper into the foliage, a path revealing itself after several minutes. He listened intently as she spoke, his brows knitting together as she spoke about her education under his nephew. He knew Ben was intelligent, powerful, and highly gifted. But he also knew him to be cunning, evasive and ruthless. 

It worried him a great deal that Rey seemed to be coming to his defense time after time. He had certainly weaved a dark spell over her. He did also have to take into consideration they were a Dyad in the Force and would always share a connection. But Ben had abused his power over the much younger girl. And they had become lovers...

It was uncommon but not unheard of. It had certainly happened throughout the history of the Jedi and Sith. But it was frowned upon for a reason. Many relationships ended terribly. Or even in death. He blinked back the image of a young woman with flaming red hair and green eyes.

As they reached a small clearing he stopped then, turning to face her. He looked curious.

“ **_And what do you really remember about the first time you met Ben?”_ **

The girl was uneducated in many things, but she didn't consider herself stupid. The entire situation she found herself in was going to be frowned upon for many reasons. But to deny herself happiness? Understanding? Comfort? 

It was different with Ben, he provided something that she may not have ever had the opportunity to find otherwise. And she was sick of making choices for others above herself. There had to be a certain amount of selfishness a person could indulge in without getting reprimanded… wasn't there?

Turning her gaze skyward, which you could barely see through the thicket of trees, she closed her eyes to concentrate on the first time she had met Ben, under the guise of his mask and their short lived fight through the trenches on Takodana.

" **_I left Maz Kanata’s after your saber called to me. I don't even know how he found me, I'd been wandering… I was scared... and after awaking on the ship I felt the same at first... he was so… cold. But when he revealed himself to me, I was... intrigued. Something didn't match. He looked like a boy, trying to be something that he wasn't._ ** "

She didn't know if she wanted to share with Luke how, when Ben reached into her mind and pulled out the memories of her childhood on Jakku, that she peered back into his nightmares about Darth Vader. Somethings were better left unsaid.

" **_I thought I hated him. It consumed me. But I know now that... there was something very different at play._ **

Opening her eyes finally, she'd look to her former master, unsure if the answer she provided was what he'd been looking for.

Luke had been watching her as she recalled the events that had led to her meeting Kylo Ren. He felt her irritation, the small bit of darkness that had settled on her heart, and something else… He looked deeply troubled.  His voice was tight as he questioned her.

**_“Do you love him?”_ **

Love? The question held her at point black with a canon blaster and she hated to think that Luke would be able to see through her confusion. She'd answered him simply — vaguely, but honestly.

" **_I don't know what love feels like._ ** "

She knew caring and compassion, loyalty and understanding. But love, romantic love? It weighed heavily on her because she didn't want to call it that — not yet. What she felt for Ben seemed all encompassing, threatening to swallow her whole. At times she enjoyed its menacing presence on the fringes of her mind; she knew it was part of what made every coupling even more intoxicating and thrilling. There were times like now, where she felt such a longing and emptiness that she cursed it.

Perhaps it was unfair to ask. But it was critical that he did. With Rey’s answer, Luke was indecipherable for once although there was sure to be emotions just beneath the surface. He calmly changed the subject to focus on their task at hand instead.

“ **_We should begin. Meditating is important but meditation can also be used as a guide through and to the Force. The Force can be used to help you sift through internal conflict and it can aid in answering questions that confound. It helps clarify and distinguish memories as well._ ** ”

He waved at the clearing as he spoke. 

“ **_With enough time you’ll be able to answer the questions you have. Let’s begin.”_ **

While meditating, Rey was supposed to be clearing her mind, she couldn't help but think of Ben. Was their unfulfilled connection the reason every time they saw each other again she was so hellbent on killing him? There were a few occasions that he hadn't even threatened her and she grew wild with fury. They were a coin constantly flipping between calm and crazed, clear and muddled. The light and the dark. But together? The options seemed to bloom like the exotic petals of flora surrounding them in the clearing. 

She couldn't wait to finish her time training.

* * *

Ben had been stuck in a counsel room meeting for hours with his mother and other key figures in the Resistance. It had not been a pleasant experience for obvious reasons. The hostility that resonated from some present, and the suspicion from others was enough to make Ben regret leaving Tatooine. 

Did he really have a choice? The discussion had gone from Ben’s intimate knowledge of the First Order to the Emperor and back again. He was truly amazed at how the Resistance had gotten this far with all their deliberation and no sound plan.

Forefinger and thumb pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation as he briefly closed his eyes. He wondered for a moment if Rey was faring any better. This had been the longest period of time they had been apart and the perils of the Force-bond that her absence caused were starting to ripple across his form, haunting him.

Either Leia was oblivious to this or she did not care. She was hellbent on coming up with a solid plan that Ben began to wonder if she had needed him to begin with. Every time he provided information and tried to leave there was something else she had needed from him. It was wearing him thin and if he did not know any better he’d think his mother and his uncle had planned to keep him and Rey apart as much as they could.

But he could not prove it. Not yet, anyway. 

And then there were the two idiots Rey called friends who stared daggers at him from across the room. He glowered at them briefly, wondering how much they had been privy to about him and Rey. Only time would tell.

* * *

As suspected, it seemed like the singular goal of  _ every - single - person _ at the Resistance base was to keep the two star crossed lovers apart. Oftentimes she was up before Ben and out with Luke, meditating and teaching her more of the Jedi code. Then he would come for her again in the evening, almost as if trying to see if different parts of the day would help her access peace differently. In the afternoons it seemed that Ben was always pulled away with Leia and Poe and other generals,  _ talking talking talking _ Ben would say, which meant that their plan of action had too many holes. If they had a meal together it was often not without chaperones like Chewie or Rose and she felt her patience running thin.

On the first day or two of resuming her training she was a bit more deliberate in her distaste for certain subjects; talking about the Jedi code and their staunch exclusion of romantic attachments was a constant reminder that she was blatantly out of the running for such superiority. But this did not last forever, as Luke's manner eventually tempered into the true Jedi Master that she hadn't exactly been privy to in their previous time together.

When they would go back to the lush jungles as nighttime air and colors filled the sky, Luke would press her again to search within the Force for time that she had lost. At first she grew aggravated, not entirely sure what she was supposed to be looking for. Especially when the one thing that had helped her explore so much of it was pulled away from her so often.

Over the span of their first week on the base, there were breakthroughs, although she couldn't connect them yet. There were structures in this place, maybe a temple? There were feelings of loneliness, but something here had given hope and comfort. But every time she focused on bringing that place into solid shape, it slipped away again. Fortunately for Luke the image was getting closer with each deep dive into her psyche and the Force.

This evening when he came for her, her mind had already been set on a plan of action. She didn't care what Luke wanted, because Rey already knew exactly why this wasn't working.

" **_Ben and I are going together. I will meditate, I will focus, I promise. But what we're doing isn't working. It can't hurt to try this one time._ ** "

Rey was not asking Luke for permission this night, but telling him how things were going to go. If he didn't understand, then he'd have to barricade her somewhere underground and surely he didn't want to test what lengths she'd go through to escape.

Luke knew the day she resisted was inevitable. It wasn’t that he had foreseen it. He just knew the two would catch on to what had been going on. He was surprised it had lasted as long as it had if he were being honest with himself. But he had needed as much time with Rey as possible to hone her skills to such a level that she would finally be able to break through the veil of her distant and repressed memories. She needed to see the full picture. 

He gave a nod of submission as his gaze moved past her to his nephew who appeared outside the bunker after her. Ben placed a large hand on her shoulder gently as he eyed his uncle but he said nothing.

Slowly he glanced back to Rey, her face defiant. 

**_“I will be back for you at first light. Make sure you’ve had enough rest before then.”_ **

And then the Jedi Master was leaving, the hem of his worn brown cloak dusting the ground as he left.

The walk into the forest had been tranquil, the chirping of some nocturnal animal strangely hypnotizing. The air smelled thick with life and Ben could not help but inhale deeply. It had been days since he’d been able to see the outside of four walls and what was worse was that they had confiscated his lightsaber the day he had arrived. 

He really had had no choice as it had been of the behest of his mother. Luke would’ve had to pry the weapon from Ben’s cold dead hands had he asked himself.

Now they were free, if only for a few hours. They had been sitting face to face for a while in the clearing Rey had often used to meditate, only they were doing anything but. Ben had her straddled on his lap, both hands on the small of her back as they kissed. 

While they were still fully clothed, Ben was unsure how much longer they would be if this kept up. A part of him didn’t care. Let Luke walk up and see. Let anyone see for that matter. Keeping them apart had only strengthened their desire for one another. 

Besides, it had been several days since they had been intimate and he was unsure how much longer he could hold back. A few days may not seem like a long time, but Rey and Ben had not practiced a lot of restraint with their desires once they’d opened that door. He knew she had come to this place to do something important and oddly enough Ben was actually curious to see what Luke had taught her in their hours apart. But if they could just wait a little longer…

The amount of time that it had taken to find this breaking point was a testament to the fact that she was  _ listening _ . Now, Luke wouldn't realize that this had been at  _ Ben's _ suggestion rather than agreeing herself that training with Luke again was best. If Rey could have resumed exactly where they had left off before the Falcon had showed up, she would have. But there were things that Luke knew better than any of them combined, so she trusted both of the Force sensitive men in her life and rolled with the punches until she was at her breaking point.

Could a Jedi ask for a night off? Not likely, so this was as close as they'd get for the time being. She promised Luke that she would do the necessary work and get the required rest, but there was no masking the bit of glee that bubbled up in her chest when she looped her fingers through Ben's to guide him to the clearing. She knew he hadn't been able to see any parts of the base besides the war rooms and it would have given her great pleasure to show him around. They didn't have time for all of that, but perhaps soon she'd be able to take him through her training course with the droids through the depths of the trees and valleys.

Instead, she got lost in his kiss; in his solid body holding her tightly against him. Fingers raked through dark waves and her thrumming pulse drowned out the sounds of nature around them. Already she felt lighter, safer, centered. Their tongues danced together but she'd find the strength to pull away with a teasing nip to his full lower lip, a small smack of satisfaction heard when she relinquished their connection.

" **_I knew this would happen... not that I'm complaining."_ **

Her hands that had been circling his neck scaled upwards to cage his jaw in her palms, her thumbs rubbing gently along the bottom of his jaw in a tender display of affection. Her lips shifted to dot small pecks on his lips, his cheeks, his jaw. Even with her mind tugging towards her real reason for being in the clearing that night, she couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him still. How was it possible to sleep in bed with someone every night and still feel as if you were in a drought from their attention? Especially when that person had opened the floodgates to unbridled yearning.

" **_I really do need to focus. It seems contradictory having you here but..."_ **

Her voice was low and her words trailed off, a playful smile still spread across her lips. Ben knew exactly what she was talking about, being both distracted and inspired in combined force. When they were apart a sort of colorless veil slipped over their world, but when they were reunited? There was nothing but bursting technicolor. She knew she could not rely on him for all things, but perhaps the strength of their connection could allow her to break through whatever was holding her back from her full potential.

" **_And if this doesn't work then at least I got to show you my favorite part of the base_ ** ."

Finally rising from his lap and pressing one more kiss to his lips, Rey would circle around him before sitting again. The position she took was lining their backs together and settling into the usual cross legged pose, hands resting lightly on her knees. All of this was very customary of the practice.

Except without Luke here and a little extra motivation, the far reaches of her mind already felt more accessible.

" **_Be with me_ ** ." 

She whispered, focusing her breath and settling her eyes closed.

It took everything in Ben not to pull Rey back down into his lap and have his way with her. The added kisses to his face before she stood left him wanting, but he knew this was something important. So he relinquished his hold on her, dark gaze following her form to place her narrow build against his vast back.

He did not protest when she explained her reasoning for if he had they were never going to accomplish anything. He inhaled deeply before exhaling through his mouth, a small vibration reverberating through his core at her request. As their essences began to combine on a metaphysical level she’d be able to hear his words before fading, tone deep and calming. 

“ **_Always...”_ **

If Rey hadn't earnestly been trying to gain some traction on the task that Luke had set for her, she may have turned back around at Ben's confession and given in to the craving she'd so carefully kept in check. It was just for a little while longer, anyway. As she'd hoped, just Ben’s presence strengthened her core connection to the Force, and then tension she held while under Luke's supervision dissipated completely.

_ Every time she got this far into the dark trenches of her memories, it was always the same. She was moving across bumpy terrain, but this world was still fuzzy at all of its edges. She could hear things, people? It was a busy place, but her exploration went unnoticed, people seemingly walking past in either direction with no inclination of her presence. _

She wasn't really there of course, these were fragments of her memories, or at least that was what she'd thought all the times before now.  Continuing through she raised the question, why am I here? Luke had said she could find answers to her deepest queries in this place. 

_ Approaching the temple-like structure, there were two figures. One a little taller than the other, dressed similarly but their facial features were indistinct. The presence of one provided an unique sort of comfort, while the other projected disappointment and annoyance. _

_ A moment of darkness would pass and then the scene was different. She was not in the temple, but on Jakku. She didn't know for sure, but the person who was leaving her here was one from the temple. They squeezed her hand before leaving her with Unkar Plutt, and her heart shattered as they turned back to the space craft, leaving her abandoned on this planet, planting a seed of emptiness that would only blossom as the years progressed. _

Rey didn't know if Ben was present during this experience. When she broke through on the other side she was breathless and teary eyed, just as she had after her first time exploring the Force on Ahch-To. The flashback to her memories were as she'd often dreamed, but it felt so much more personal than ever before. The most important takeaway, although she was gasping for breath to calm herself, was that it was not her parents who had left her with the junk trader, but someone else.

Hands rose to her face, quickly wiping her tears and swallowing thickly. Whatever was trapped in the recesses of her mind  _ hurt _ , conceivably even more than her parents having been the ones to discard her so long ago. 

Ben had followed Rey into her subconscious, merely a shadowy apparition by her side as they watched the scenes play out and fade away. He stayed quiet but a wave of icy dread swept over him at the realization of what was occurring. 

He knew now that these were just not Rey’s memories, but some of his own as well. So this is what Luke had been adamant about Rey learning. A recollection of her earliest memories and Ben’s role in them. His uncle was still the same deceitful and suspicious man he knew him to be. 

A cold rage washed over him for a split-second but was stifled when he felt the anguish rolling off of Rey. His voice, distant and whispery in her ear. 

**_“We should go...”_ **

He pulled them both out of the void of her shadowy subconscious with his own mind, his corporeal form turning to face her, strong arms gathering her up in his comforting embrace. The experience had been upsetting for her; he knew that, but he had another reason to hastily retreat.

“ **_You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re here now...”_ **

Ben answered her in the void and it had a dual affect on her psyche in that moment. She was comforted and yet a part of her almost retreated, perhaps because she wanted to go back, to dig deeper, to find out who was with her and Plutt if not her parents.

This also gave confirmation that he was witness to these events as well, which only left her feeling exposed until his arms had wound around her. She'd dreamt of that day so often that at some point its effect on her started to shift into a dull pain rather than a stabbing ache. Now it was a fresh wound, simmering with the sting of being cleaned.

Withdrawing from him after a few sullen moments, her cheeks were still slightly flush from the experience. Rey had two choices at that moment — go back in, which she knew Luke would have preferred, or tend to just as important matters, at least in her opinion. Despite the temptation to forget all of this and fall into his arms, she felt resolute to make a bit more progress.

" **_Again?_ ** " 

She prompted, as it wasn't  _ truly _ a question, but a formality because she was straightening herself out to resume the pose from before. There were things there, hidden from herself, and now that the shape of it was closer, she wanted to know what it was desperately.

_ She was back in front of the temple and the two figures from before had appeared once more. This time they were descending the stairs towards her, tension was thick in their, a static energy surrounding them. They were fighting, although she wasn't sure why. Their images were becoming clearer, a hint of recognition swirling around their postures but still distant. The taller of the two approached her, a tender hand guiding her shoulder to turn away and leave the temple and the solemn other in the distance. _

_ Once more she was propelled forward, back to the platform of the spacecraft with Plutt standing silently behind. Both hands were on her shoulders, a figure shrouded in black. She was already crying, her hands gripping a cloak, begging them not to leave her. She was pleading, bargaining, and they were an icy fortress. She didn't understand what she had done to deserve this and all she wanted to know is if she could fix it. Then the craft was lifting away, while she stood bawling in the desert, reaching out to the stars for them to return. _

This time she didn't need to be pulled from the void, the heaviness in her chest was crushing her. Nothing made sense if her parents weren't the ones to leave her on Jakku. Who was that? Why were they so important to her? Was the person who turned her from the temple the same who took her away? Turning to Ben she fought the strangling urge to cry, completely unable to articulate what was flowing through her now. It was the worst kind of heartbreak, but if all of this was true, she cursed Luke for pushing her to uncover it. Had she not experienced enough pain in her lifetime? She couldn't possibly understand what was to gain by reliving these memories over and over.

" **_I think that's enough for now_ ** ."

Ben was not the type known to stall, but when Rey requested to delve back into their memories, he was filled with hesitation. He did not want this. But he knew she would be even more confused if he refused to assist. So he let a deep sigh swirl between them before giving her a solemn nod of agreement.

Back in Rey’s subconscious, Ben had remained silent this time, His lips pulled tight into a grim line. More than his urge to murder his uncle at this exact moment was an annoyingly guilty conscience. But he had to see it through for Rey’s sake. 

Relief washed over him when she gave them permission to leave. Besides, there was something else he had to do as soon as time permitted...

* * *

The next two days had not been easy for either of them. Rey’s exposure to painful past memories had prevented her from being able to focus and as such he sent word to his mother that time was needed to recover.

Leia had protested at first but had eventually given in. Though Luke was supposed to show up the next day to resume his lessons with Rey, he had not. Ben surmised that Leia had spoken to him and he had respected their wishes.

Rey had never felt so low. Over the time that she had spent away from the only home and life she'd ever known, she had finally begun to let go. All of the pain she harbored over the loss of parents who were never coming, the realization that she meant as little to them as as scraps in the junkyard, she was moving past it. It hadn't been an easy pill to swallow, but that bitterness could be washed away with time.

She mainly slept but he was never far from her side. Ben tended to her as best he could. He’d brought her all her meals, held her when she had needed to cry, and listened when she’d needed to vent and rant. And through it all, he had barely said more than two sentences. Sometimes words weren’t required and Ben felt that this applied now.

Time with Ben soothed all her wounds, giving her a new sense of appreciation for the man. He cared for her, yes, but his displays of affection and attentiveness had reached new heights. Rey would do the same for him if the situation were reversed, and it wasn't that she didn't think him capable... but it was a pleasant showing that hadn't been expected. The fact that he'd been able to break through to Leia and Luke meant more than he possibly knew, as she fought against the urge to repress the memories trudged up during their session.

When she did vent it was mostly about Luke. What did he know and why wouldn't he just tell her, why push her to this extreme? It felt like a violation, that clearly her mind had shielded her from the truth for a reason. If it were so important that she remember, why drag her through these motions? And when she cried, oh she heaved with grief. There was someone out there who  _ had _ cared for her. She didn't know it for sure, but that feeling lingered in her chest long after the session, that this figure hadn't wanted to leave her but needed to. That the reasoning behind their separation was far more critical than a lowly couple looking to earn a few coins.

It was on the second night that a soft knock could be heard on their room’s door. They were lying in bed, Rey curled up in his arms as they both slept peacefully for once. Ben’s dark gaze squinted at the door in irritation as he waited, hoping that whoever it was would think no one was present and leave.

But then came a second round of soft raps that had Ben throwing the blankets back and ungluing himself from Rey’s form. He made his way to the door throwing it open with more than a little irritation. His gaze settled on the form of his uncle, a sneer forming as quickly as his words.

“ **_What do you want?”_ **

Luke looked passive as he eyed his nephew.

“ **_I’d like to speak with Rey.”_ **

Ben looked incredulous as he stepped outside the room then, the door left ajar. He looked formidable even in a black beater and pants, his dark hair in disarray.

**_“Well you can’t. Haven’t you done enough already, Uncle?”_ **

Luke tilted his head slightly to one side as he curiously answered Ben’s question with one of his own.

**_“How much does she know?”_ **

Ben shook his head, his voice dropping an octave but still just as menacing.

**_“She knows enough. Leave.”_ **

Luke glanced past Ben to the door that stood slightly ajar.

**_“She deserves to know the truth, Ben. Especially now that she—“_ **

Ben had finally lost his resolve, his temper getting the best of him. His eyes were wild and tortured, his brows furrowed in anger.

“ **_What do you want from me?!”_ **

**_“For you to tell her the truth, Ben...”_ **

Ben’s face twitched as he used every fiber of his being to not force choke Luke.

**_“What? You’ve spent too much time alone on Ahch-To, uncle. “_ **

He scoffed then, another shake of his head. 

**_“She’d never understand. None of you would.”_ **

Ben's absence from the bed had been mostly unnoticed at first, the constant contact with him over the last day having pacified her greatly. His conversation with Luke would go undiscovered until just the right moment, when his irritation stirred her from a light slumber.

" **_Ben?_ ** " 

She called out to the empty room, surveying the area before noticing the door. With quiet focus it would creak open fully, exposing her from the bed to Luke and the man who warmed her side. The Jedi Masters' cool gaze did not give any inclination to the fact that whatever they were talking about, Ben was unhappy with the subject.

" **_Is there something urgent happening or can it wait until tomorrow? I promise I'll let you torture me further then._ ** _ " _

With an exasperated sigh she'd flatten back against the pillows, directing her gaze to the ceiling and willing Luke to release Ben from their conversation. Even as she lay there, bile threatened to rise at the back of her throat, a wave of nausea she hadn't seen coming attempting to burst forth. Even the idea of going back to that place was making her sick, but she didn't want to show such weakness in front of Luke now.

The calling of his name snapped Ben from the tense argument he and Luke were currently having. They both turned their attention to the open doorway, Ben stony faced and Luke looking tired.

Luke rose a brow at her less than welcoming reception of him. His eyes closing for a moment to steel the familiar irritation he normally reserved for his nephew. When he opened his eyes again, he smiled weakly.

“ **_I came to check on you but I see you’re still… unwell. Perhaps another few days of rest might help.”_ **

He then turned his attention to Ben, his features etched with concern. His voice was softer as he addressed him.

**_“We aren’t done here.”_ **

Ben turned to face his uncle, a glare given though he knew Luke was right.

**_“Right now we are.”_ **

Luke gave a shake of his head before retreating, leaving them both with one last comment. 

“ **_You should go see your mother.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Ben waited until his uncle was out of sight before he exhaled. He turned around then to attend to Rey once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :x sorry so long for an update! but a longer chapter! hopefully an enjoyable one for all of you keeping up with the story. 
> 
> What is Luke trying to help Rey uncover? #sassyRey and #sassyBen make an appearance in this one and they definitely aren't feeling any better about Luke's reappearance, huh? 
> 
> let us know what you think and as always, thanks for reading! <3


	8. The Apology Tour Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's conscious begins to plague her regarding her friends around the base, but even the best laid plans often go awry. Ben has an unlikely encounter.

Rey hadn't bothered to inquire about what had transpired between uncle and nephew. Almost as soon as Ben had closed the door she had rushed to the toilet, releasing the sick that had bubbled up in her stomach at the sight of Luke. At least, that's what she had credited it to, because she felt much better afterwards.  
  
The seemingly bizarre touch of sickness had worried Ben more than it had the young girl, wanting to dismiss it almost entirely so they could resume their afternoon. But as promised, even if Luke had suggested she take a few more days to replenish her mind, Rey was growing listless. You didn't take days off in the Rebellion, just as she was sure you didn't in the First Order, so she didn't want to get into bad habits.  
  
Leaving their small room for the first time in two days made her feel a little ashamed. There were probably people within the base who thought she'd merely been cooped up in some sort of sex den. Of course they'd been intimate, but that had not been what their time together had focused on. She wished she could help people see Ben the way she did.  
  
The destination in question was to see General Leia Organa, a woman who had not gotten a decent amount of her attention since she'd returned. This was mostly due to the fact that the older woman had been hogging her son's time in an effort to separate the two which hadn't worked in anyone's favor anyway.  
  
Despite this, Rey wasn't upset with her. She regarded the woman very highly and had tried to imagine what it was like to lose your son to the dark side, only for him to return with the pupil of your own organization, changed and guarded. Approaching the shaded camp area she typically stationed herself out of, Rey cleared her throat upon catching her gaze.  
****

**" _General? Are you free to speak with me_ ** ?"  
  
Leia _had_ legitimately been busy. The Resistance took up a majority of her days and nights as she tirelessly worked to keep The First Order and the Empire at bay. There were several operations that were in progress currently throughout the galaxy that required her say or expertise on a daily basis. Although she trusted her comrades, she still needed to have her toe dipped in every pool to ensure things went off without a hitch. This wasn’t like the old days when accidents turned into luck.  
  
When Rey found her in the camp, she was standing over a low table, shoulders hunched and palms flat against a large map. There were several Resistance members on either side of her as she spoke, a few pointing at strategic locations and nodding.  
  
Leia had looked up then, sensing someone lingering nearby. To her surprise she found Rey, a warm smile offered as she dismissed her counsel for the time being.  
  
" ** _Rey! Come in. Come in. How’re you feeling?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ **Leia had known that Rey’s last meditation session had brought up painful memories from her childhood and wanted to give her the time and space she needed. When Luke had come back a few days later to say that she had looked physically unwell, it worried her. She knew Ben had been caring for her and so she resisted the urge to send a med droid and left them alone for the most part. She had had a few choice words with Luke as well as she thought he might have been working her too hard.

She offered the younger woman a seat before sitting in the chair next to her, turning her body to face her as the girl sat down. Her dark eyes were soft and worried as a palm came to rest on the back of Rey’s hand.

As Leia dismissed the members, Rey quickly took a seat before her, hands burrowed in her lap, twisting into her tunic anxiously. She’d barely had a time to register the question before her words tumbled out and a hiccup of apprehension filled her body. 

**_“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I owe you... several apologies.”_ **  
  
Her mouth watered and her eyes welled, a tidal wave of guilt sweeping her under its current. What was wrong with her? Leia was the last person she typically felt this nervous with, but perhaps it was karma coming to collect on her abhorrent behavior as of late.  
  
**" _Oh no, honey. No. There’s no need for apologies. A lot has happened over the past few weeks. I’ll always have time to speak with you, you know that.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** With the change in Rey’s demeanor came a questioning look from Leia. **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“Rey… are you alright? What’s wrong?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** She bit back the urge to ask if Ben had been the cause of her visit or the fact that she was on the verge of tears.  
  
Even with the support she'd been receiving from Ben, there was something different about talking to a woman. Her entire life she'd spent around men in some way or form. From traders to droids, she'd truly been an odd woman out on Jakku. There were a few who remained over time, but it weren't as if she'd found a mentor or friend in any of them as a young girl. Imagine how awkward her pubescent years were.  
  
The delicate touch from the woman's hand offered a semblance of comfort, but also nearly catapulted her into a breakdown.  
  
_**"I**_ ** _don't know! Ever since I've returned so much has been... off. Ben has been supportive, he's trying so hard to make this work. I've been... not combative but there's such a rift between Luke and I. I feel like everything I thought I knew has changed. And it has. But I don't understand how that's going to help anything in the future. There's a shadow... no... it's more like... smog headed towards us and if Exegol taught me anything it's that failure is easier to achieve against Palpatine than success._ ** "  
  
The words spilled out of her in quick succession, barely leaving a moment to breathe, although the ferocity of which she vented had staved off the need to cry... for now.  
  
Leia let Rey speak without interrupting. When she had finished, she took her other hand in her own, squeezing both of them gently.  
  
**" _Breathe, Rey.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** The woman let out a deep exhale of her own before she offered Rey a comforting smile.  
  
**" _It’s encouraging to hear that my son is being so attentive towards you. I’ve seen a change in him. But the conflict between you and Luke, I’ve seen the change between you two as well and it worries me.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Leia squeezed Rey’s hands once more before her grasp on one lifted to push hair gently off the girl’s shoulder. It broke her heart that the girl was being used essentially as the rope between the power struggle of her brother and her son.  
  
And it wasn’t fair that she had to make a choice. But if Leia were to be honest with herself, she had hoped Rey would fall back into her training and rebuild her relationship with Luke and then start seeing her friends more.  
  
She knew that would be difficult to do with the sometimes domineering presence of Ben. But on the other side of the coin, she was happy that her son and Rey gave each other some semblance of comfort and peace when together. It was still worrying how much of an influence Ben still had on her, however.

To say that Rey was a mess was an understatement; she kept a brave face on most of her feelings, even with Ben, but in front of Leia? She had finally crumbled. At her suggestion she did take a slow, steadying breath and follow it with a deep exhale. Her eyes fell closed for a moment as her hands remained in the knowing grip of the general. It took everything in her to concentrate on that dainty hold rather than the raucous whirlwind brewing inside of her. Listening intently, she recognized that Leia's words were wise and true, but they prompted so many responses that she wasn't even sure where to begin.

 ** _"Ben…”_** ** _  
_****_  
_** She said his name almost wistfully, as if thinking of him or speaking his name was enough to bring her back from the brink. **_  
_****_  
_****_"All of the emptiness I've ever felt disappears when I'm with him. I think he feels the same or there would have been a brawl and a missing ship hours after we'd arrived."_**

 ****There was some humor to her comment that almost made her laugh, and she’d release Leia's hands. Reaching up to dab at her eyes, wiping free the few tears that had just broken through her lashes, but not enough to draw rivers down her cheeks. She needed Leia to understand that she and Ben were entwined, deeply. That each decision made thus far had been a joint one, even if one of them may not have agreed completely at first.

Leia laughed lightly thinking briefly about her own tumultuous arguments she’d had with Han, how heated and passionate they could get when they had both been young, stubborn and too headstrong.  
  
**" _Speak with Luke. Tell him how you feel. He can help you reach some peace within the Force and within yourself. Despite everything else that is going on right now, you should know that he — that all of us — are on your side, Rey. You do know that don’t you?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Leia had for some time thought that Rey might have finally been feeling the effects of all of the trauma that she had endured in her young life. She had been much too young to be abandoned, much too young to be thrust into someone else’s war, and much too young to be with a man as complicated and demanding as Ben Solo.  
  
But she genuinely cared for Rey and she genuinely had wanted to help. In hindsight, trying to keep Ben and Rey apart during most days was probably not as effective as she had thought. But too much of anything was never a good thing either.  
  
_**"I**_ ** _do know that... I think about it every day. Finn and Poe... nothing missed a beat with them and I got off easy. They should have been furious with me._ ** "  
  
When it came to her friends, her features softened, feeling a similar happiness when she made room for them in her mind. Perhaps they'd spared her from their anger because they'd spent weeks agonizing over her disappearance and putting together a plan to recover her. She didn't deserve their kindness, or their loyalty. It sobered her as her introspection drifted to the heavier parts of this visit, her true motivation to chat: Leia's brother.  
  
_**"**_ ** _ **H** ow am I supposed to tell Luke that I don't trust him? Not fully. I know that he wants what's best for me... what _ ** **_he_ ** **_thinks is best for me... How long did he go before communicating with you? Before he told you he wasn't dead? How long did he wait after I'd gone to return to you? And would he have returned had I not gone with Ben?_ ** "  
  
It was an intense series of questions that she'd been bottling up since she'd returned, unsure of how to bring any of this up to Luke without it turning into an all out brawl. Perhaps she should have, because waiting had only allowed her wariness of him to fester. When you added on the rigorous sessions of searching her memories and what she found there, the evidence stacked up against Luke for her to put blind faith in him again. 

Leia sat back in her chair as she considered Rey’s questioning regarding Luke. She nodded slowly, a small sigh passing her lips.  
  
**_“Luke knows how you feel. He’s known for quite some time. Not everything is as simple as it seems, Rey. The Force especially. But I do not think it was Luke’s intention to return...”_ **

****To Rey, Leia's concession to the most important question asked left her flabbergasted. A part of her had already come to that conclusion on her own, but to hear that his own sister felt he had abandoned them and the cause at the earliest convenience nearly sent her over the edge.

Leia knitted her brows in thought then.  
  
_**“H**_ ** _e showed up several weeks after the battle on Crait. There are those within the Force who have been able to use it to come back from the dead or to… cheat it. Palpatine is one of those people, if you can even call that monster a person.”_ **

Rey sighed heavily. What she said next was almost whispered, as if she wanted it to remain secret between her and the woman.  
  
**" _If we defeat Palpatine, I don't know what will come next. If we face him again and lose, there's no telling how much worse things will get, how deep Ben’s need for vengeance will run."_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Ben certainly didn't want to lose to him again, but Rey wondered if his mother had considered where that would leave her son in the balance of things. He did not want to align himself with the Resistance beyond destroying Sidious, and Rey knew that wherever he went she would follow. **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Leia held a look of disgust as she blinked away any thought of the Emperor before her gaze softened at the mention of her son.  
  
**" _I can’t answer that, honey. But Luke will be able to. As far as defeating Palpatine is concerned… Ben will not be doing that alone. I do understand your concerns, however, he has you. And I do think you are more important to him than Palpatine.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Was Leia putting too much faith in her son? She wished with every fiber in her being that she was not. But only time could tell.  
  
Rey slumped back in the chair then, feeling somewhat defeated. She was being pulled in so many different directions and although today had revealed that there were fissures in her foundation, she wasn't broken yet. Rubbing her hands across her face in frustration, there was really nothing more that she could say. Somehow, despite the barrel of questions she was still faced with, the load on her shoulders somehow felt lighter.  
  
**" _Thank you Leia... for speaking with me. I... will do what I can to be more of a presence, with everyone. And Luke..."_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** She paused, her hands folding together over her belly unconsciously as her nerves turned into that swimming, sick feeling again. Rey didn't want to make any promises that she wasn't sure could be kept.  
  
**" _I'll let you get back to your planning, maybe Ben will come to talk to you soon."_** ****

* * *

********As she left Leia's post, she was sure it was a bad idea to address Luke given the circumstances. It didn't deter her, because she was already infected by the venom of his manipulation. She could either allow it to sink further or suck the wound. Where would she find the Jedi Master on this day? Surely it would be too easy to follow the path through the trees to her meditation spot, but the old man always seemed to know when someone was looking for him and made it easy to do so... when he wanted to, of course.  
  
Rey’s guess had been one hundred percent correct on the Jedi Master’s whereabouts. He was currently deep in the woods of Ajan Kloss, crossed legged and floating above the stone he had previously been using as a seat.  
  
He knew she was fast approaching, her fury could be felt a mile away. As she appeared, blue eyes opened slowly. His body slowly descended back to the stone and he stood, a little slower then he would have liked.  
  
Her face was flushed red, her eyes blazing. This would not be the most pleasant of conversations for either, yet it was inevitable. He called out a light greeting to her as she walked into his space, a small nod given as he grabbed his cloak and shrugged it on.  
  
**_“Hello, Rey.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** If she'd had more time, Rey would have planned out the conversation. She would have rallied all of her evidence, laid out all of her feelings calmly, and allowed the man to respond with a fair amount of time and respect. As she entered the clearing, any strategy she'd come up with was forgotten as he calmly acknowledged her arrival.  
  
**" _I hate you_ ** ."  
  
The words flew out of her mouth before she really knew what to make of them, her hands trembling at her side as her frustrations rolled up her spine and throat like electric currents.  
  
**" _You are frustrating and cryptic and disappointing. I don't trust you... anymore. I'm supposed to, but why? You left..."_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Clearly Rey had a formula when she was angry with someone. Her words caught in her throat then, choking back the sob that tried to interrupt her tirade.  
  
**" _You left me. And you knew I wasn't ready. Like everyone else, you got out and weren't going to look back..."_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** That was a statement she had not planned on making, one that she hadn't even thought of until she was standing before him. And it was his fault she was making it, had he not been so determined to open her mind to the memories she'd long since buried. Of course she knew that he had left everyone in the Resistance, but the only one who counted on his guidance was standing before him now.  
  
Luke’s face remained passive as Rey vented. He had been expecting it, honestly. When she was seemingly done he inhaled deeply before exhaling with a heavy sigh. Perhaps he and his nephew were more alike than he had previously thought. If she only knew the same unsavory qualities she placed on him were the exact same ones Ben possessed...  
  
**" _Your feelings are misplaced, I’m afraid.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** He shook his head then, his gaze softening on her.  
  
**" _I left because I was needed elsewhere. I left you with an advantage over our enemies. And where do I find you upon my return?”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Luke gave Rey the once over from head to toe, gaze cool, voice cooler.  
  
**" _Under them.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Whether or not Luke deserved all of her rage in this form, she couldn't say. Did it feel good to get it out? Absolutely. And he was right, Ben did express a lot of these same traits, but she served her displeasure about them in the same exact manner.  
  
She wet her lips then, pressing them together tightly to cork whatever might have wanted to spill out while he had his turn. She could be an adult about this, she could wai--  
  
**" _Excuse me?_ ** ”  
  
Just when she had convinced herself that she deserved at least one solid shot at him (which wasn't nearly as terrible as it probably could have been) he said _that_ ? Her jaw quivered, fingers flexing once more at her sides trying to bottle the riptide emotions rushing towards shore. That feeling of being pulled apart was swallowing her again, her head was spinning trying to land on one point out of the many to choose from.  
  
**" _Would you have returned otherwise? I don't think so. And then what? I just continue to give my life to a cause without knowing any better? Anything different? What more can I give when no choice in my life has been mine. But Ben... he gave me a real choice, showed me more than you ever would have. I did not enter into it lightly and I do not regret it."_ **

She'd found it near impossible to keep from pacing as she spoke, anything to dispel the cluster of disgust and confusion that wanted to yet again, manifest itself in the desire to retch. ****

**_“Rey.”_ **

Luke let her continue on her rant, his own irritation building. She had been extremely insolent since he’d come for her and her behavior had been nothing short of appalling towards him. But he would not bring that up. There was no point. Instead he sighed and tried to interject, unsuccessfully.

 **" _I do not_ ** **_want_ ** **_to hate you. I look at you and I feel betrayed, even if I know what you think you're doing is for my benefit_ ** ."

But just like Ben, there were a few who had a need for Rey that was completely selfish. She may not be able to pinpoint how, but she was beginning to recognize the signs. ****

**_“Rey…”_ **

********It was no use. She had continued and he was quite sure she had not even heard him in her pacing. ****

 ** _“Rey!”_ **

********Luke’s face was fast coloring red, his own temper finally making its appearance. ****

 ** _“That is enough! You are no longer a child! Until we defeat Palpatine, you need me. Whether you like it or not, we must work together. The fact that even my nephew understands this and you still remain blind to this issue is evidence enough that you are not ready. So sit down, shut up, and learn something from this!”_ **

********Luke’s breath came rapidly as he angrily eyed the girl before him. His voice trembled then as he fought to calm it.

 **" _Your pain… it’s… it’s palpable. If I could take it away for you I would. But I can’t, Rey. I can’t. But what I can do? What I can do is be here for you now. I am on your side.”_ **

********The unfortunate part in all of this is that the only person who seemed to understand that Rey had never actually been a child was Leia and she didn't seem to have a lot of say in how all of this was panning out.

When Luke finally shouted at her she was left dumbstruck and silent. She'd only seen that level of irritation in him when it came to Ben, so it was made crystal clear that she'd pushed his buttons. A part of her relished it, because even as he lamented over her pain, he would never truly understand.

She _did_ comprehend that they needed to work together towards this common goal, but as she'd mentioned to Ben once upon a time... she felt so small next to him, which was amazing considering the amount of power bottled up inside of her. In that moment she had two choices. Continue the argument, which would lead them nowhere... or sit, swallow her pride and anger, and close her eyes. No attention was paid to the angry tears that rolled down her cheeks, just a focusing breath to reach back out to the place that maybe would give her the answers to finally get Luke off her back and progress them to a new understanding of each other.

Luke’s sidelong glance at Rey left him regretting losing his temper. She was young and still had so much to learn but he himself could have taken a much different approach. Luke was nowhere near as perfect as Rey had once thought. And it broke his heart slightly to see her disappointment at the realization of it.

And she was right. He _had_ left her. Perhaps assuming that she would be okay without him had been the wrong choice. He had not realized how broken in some places she still was. And perhaps that had left an opening for Kylo Ren to manipulate her.

He sighed then, his voice finally calm enough to address her.

 **" _Rey, I do think you should rest. You look a little pale. Let’s reconvene tomorrow night. There’s something I think you’re ready to see.”_ **

********The last thing Luke wanted was an angry _and_ sick apprentice.

When Luke dismissed her, Rey imagined that it was some sort of test because of all her insolence. She stared at him for several long, quiet moments, trying to decipher if he was baiting her. Finally asked if he meant it, resolving herself to stay, but his eyes crinkled in a way that showed genuine concern for her current state of being.

The walk back to her shared room was a slow and simmering one. Between both of her visits today, drained was an understatement. But she already knew it wasn't over, a pin and needles feeling forming in her hands and arms as she rounded towards the more secluded section of the base.

Rather than go inside, she folded her hands over her stomach and sat outside of the door, waiting for Ben to appear, hoping it would be soon. He wasn't inside, his own temper radiated for miles, she would have known. Instead she focused on sifting through all of her conversations to create compartmentalized versions to discuss with Ben. She was sure he wouldn't want to miss a detail.

* * *

Ben had felt the anger and anguish through the force. Although it gnawed at his gut and he wanted to come to her aid, he resisted. What bothered him more was that he didn’t know which of the Skywalker twins had angered her more. He put his credits on Luke and he was not a betting man

With Rey away, this left Ben with something he had not had in awhile: free time. It was an odd feeling to be alone now, though he should have been used to it since he had felt that way most of his life.

He had managed to find a few holocrons with updated intel on the First Order and had found a small table just outside the barracks that was secluded enough where he would not be bothered. After two hours of scoffing at the misinformation presented in the text, a shadow formed over his seated form.

Ben’s dark gaze traveled upward, settling on the traitor FN-2187. The holocron disappeared, but a small scowl on his face did not. He was not shy about letting the deserter know his presence was unwanted.

 **" _What do you want?”_ **

********Finn matched Ben’s scowl with one of his own, a hand placed lightly against the holster of his blaster.

**_"I want you to leave. We both know you don’t belong here.”_ **

Ben eyed the stance Finn had taken, his scowl deepening at the audacity of it all.

 _Who did this creature think he was? And why did he think he even stood a chance at pulling that blaster from its holster in time?_

Ben leaned towards Finn, still seated and spoke, his voice calm but cold in its reminder.

 ** _"N_** ** _either do you, FN-2187.”_ **

********Finn shifted on his feet then, clearly rankled by the use of his old stormtrooper name. He shook his head, his eyes narrowing at Ben as he spoke.  
  
_**"Y**_ ** _ou might have Rey fooled, but sooner or later she’s going to see you for what you truly are. Sometimes monsters look like people.”_ **

********Ben eyed Finn with contempt. He had not forgotten that Finn had been on Starkiller Base that night. But had he seen the exchange between father and son as clearly as he thought? Now he debated on whether he should kill him just to stop him from speaking. Fingers rapped lightly on the tabletop he’d been using as a desk, dark gaze unblinking.

 **" _Are you done?”_ **

********Finn’s lips curled into a small smirk as he backed off, turning to leave Ben simmering with his memory and anger. ****

 ** _“For now.”_ **

********Ben had sat at the table for at least half an hour after Finn had moved on. He did not trust himself to leave so soon after the boy. For both of their sakes he stayed put. Still fuming but less murderous, he finally left his position and headed back to the bunker in which he now called his temporary home.

Was there an award going around for who could upset them the most? It was beginning to feel a little bit like a joke that everyone was in on except for the two lovers.

The sound of brush crunching underfoot alerted Rey to his arrival, her head lazily rolling to put him in view.

He was surprised to see her leaning against the door, his expression questioning as he approached her. He didn’t need to ask her if she was okay. Ben knew the answer to that already. A hand was extended, however, and once she’d accepted it he’d pull her to her feet.  
  
**" _C’mon...”_**

Despite her rocky afternoon, seeing him drew a gentle smile across her face, hands joining his to get off the ground and move inside.

He let her enter first, closing the door behind them with a click. A long sigh escaped him, arms curling around her waist from behind. He drew her form closer to him, lips pressing against the curve of her neck.

Ben thought about telling Rey about the encounter with Finn but decided against it. She seemed upset enough and that certainly wouldn’t help matters much. His kisses against her neck were starting to linger anyway, his hands sliding up her body as he held her in place.

He knew that she probably wanted to discuss what had transpired between her and his family but he just wanted to forget everything for a while and get lost in the moment.

Not that it happened so infrequently, but Rey and Ben were on the same page for all subjects in this moment. Yes, she wanted to talk to him about what happened but she also didn't want to give it any more power over her day than it had. The scent of him lulled her into a warm pocket of protection and in this place, nothing else mattered.

Her head would tip to the side, leaving her skin exposed as an offering to his wandering lips. Fingers fell flat over his, guiding them over her tunic and then below it, eager for skin to skin contact.

 **" _Ben…”_ **

His namesake spoke in barely a whisper, a clear sign that she didn't intend to talk. And where normally she would have let him take the lead, she urged his hands higher to get her out of her tunic and into something more comfortable: nothing.

It felt right to let her take control, his fingertips pulling her tunic up and over the rounds of her shoulders, kisses placed there once bare as well. It did not take the two long to rid themselves of their clothing, Ben sitting on the edge of the bed as she stood above him in all of her glory.

He took her hand, pulling her gently into his lap, his hands tangling in her hair as he lowered his head. He caught a nipple between his teeth, his tongue teasing it to a peak before switching sides and lavishing attention on the other.

Her gasps fueled him, his head lifting after a moment to look upon her face twisted in desire, a dark smile gracing his features as he leaned back on the bed, his hands gripping her hips as he lowered her onto himself. Ben let a low exhale escape him as she sank deeper onto and around him. Even now, she felt much like she had the first time they had explored one another intimately.

One thing had changed since then: all sense of hesitancy was gone. Where she was once a lost lamb, led to slaughter by a hungry wolf, over time she grew to meet his energy. Today she planned to exceed it.

His hands could scale bare skin and leave hidden love bites that she enjoyed discovering later, but this would be a short lived event. As their bodies merged, goosebumps crawled up her spine and her breath trembled. Where there was once discomfort was now only smooth heat and delicious friction.

The worries of her day began to dissipate, replaced with the solid, earnest pace that quickened between their hips. Steady breaths strengthened as her fingers scaled down the front of her slim body to find his, lacing their hands together for a few sweet moments. Then she leaned over him, pressing his wrists against the bed and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. When she pulled away, her hands dragged down against his chest to steady her. A look of thoughtless joy would settle over her features as the pace progressed. The way Rey worked him over was at once surprising and refreshing. He lay back, fingertips gripped into her thighs to hold her in place as she grind against him.

In the moments they were lost in each other, she tossed her hair back and bit her lip when he found her sweet spots. It had finally sent him over the edge and he flipped them both over, his strokes long and deep. 

Their bodies worked through the troubles of the day, a light sheen of perspiration covering them. Ben’s dark hair dampened against his face as he reached towards climax, calling out her name as he did so.

There were no doubts in her mind that if she had gone without knowing pleasure like this, the Skywalkers wouldn't have been having such issues with her. But it was easy to get lost in clouds of bliss when Ben put his hands on her with such intention.

Pleasure worked up into a crescendo, like a tightrope snapping under too much pressure, and she tumbled into a pit of ecstasy. Clinging to him, squeezing him, breathlessly whispering to stay in this moment forever.

The waves of her peak ebbed away, her hands pushing through his hair and lips lifting to capture his. It was gentle, slow, and deep. A counterpoint to the rutting they'd just commenced. Releasing him, her eyes would remain closed, vaguely remembering how all this had started.

 **" _Did you have as good of a day as I did_ **?"

Even as she asked it, assuming part of his answer at least, a grin curled at the corner of her mouth.

 **" _That made everything much better_ **."

It was quickly added, so he couldn't tease her for ruining the moment. 

Ben rolled off of her after a moment to lay beside her, breathless. There was no way he was bringing Finn into their bed. He did not want to put thoughts of another man aside from himself in Rey’s head at the moment. But he knew she needed to talk about what had happened to her.

So, he gathered Rey in his arms, throwing a blanket over them both in the process. An inhale was deeply had, his breath in her hair as he spoke.

**" _What did Luke say this time?”_ **

It was probably for the best that he didn't, even if Finn had been in the wrong for how he'd addressed Ben. It would have only added to her overall guilt, an emotion that she was able to shield herself from at this time. At least when it came to her friends. She would fix that though, she vowed to.

When Ben asked of his uncle, she relayed the important parts of the story. Their disconnect since his return, how she felt regarding his supposed death, and what this meant for the Resistance overall. She knew he wouldn't like that part, so she kept it brief and changed tracks to his mother. On this subject she didn't have to be as guarded, but there wasn't as much to say. She encouraged him to visit with her the next day, because it was important that despite the trials and bad blood, they pulled up their bootstraps until they saw their main goal through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :x #SassyLuke! What a ride. But! here's more coming. A part two to the tour if you will. Rey's not doing so hot, but at least Ben is there to make it better? hehehe


	9. The Apology Tour Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to take Leia's advice and talk to her friends, while lessons with Luke bring about new discoveries.

Since Luke had requested her presence that evening, Rey was thoughtful with her time during daylight hours. To say it felt like forever since she'd mingled on the base was an understatement, even if it had only been a few days. But she knew that even when she'd first arrived, she had actively participated even in the moments she was sitting among the people she knew.

Did she have to do a little juggling to set things right? Absolutely. But the work was necessary. She'd suggested that perhaps Ben speak with Leia in the evening, so he was distracted while she went with Luke. In the early part of the afternoon, she sought out Finn and Poe, finding them repairing something else on the Falcon.

Chewie saw her first, the Wookiee stomping down the platform and pulling her up into a hug she didn't know she needed. At least there was one member on base she could count on for remaining mostly impartial to her behaviors. After a brief exchange, she'd head into the main cabin of the ship, nervously seeking out the one man that made her uneasy during the transition: Finn.

Finn had felt a sense of duty towards Rey since the very first day they had met. She had been the first person since he could remember that had accepted him fully for who and what he was. 

Their friendship had been easy and strong and although lately he was having trouble making sense of her decisions, he was still on her side. They’d shared a few moments here and there since her return from Tatooine, but he had never really gotten the chance to be alone with her to really talk. Luke and Leia had kept her busy enough which he was grateful for, but he knew her nights belonged to Kylo Ren. He tried not to think too much about it, but it ate at him daily until he’d had enough and confronted the man himself.

He’d been working on a panel of the ship with Poe, arguing and joking the entire time when Rey had appeared. He’d given her a smile and ushered her over, the easiness in his features faltering when he saw the seriousness in her gaze. 

_**“Hey… you ok? I take it the meeting with Luke didn’t go as planned?”** _

The girl's behavior could and should have been better towards the friends she'd made from Jakku and beyond, but she was swept up in something bigger than herself that she had no foundation in learning to understand. Girls made mistakes, especially when they were in... 

_Oh, lets not think about that right now_ , Rey chastised herself before she'd changed hands from Chewie to Finn. A smile tried to find its way to her mouth but at his observation it faltered at a nervous chuckle.

_**“I'm still breathing, so I think that's an indication of okay? Other than that, I can't remember the last thing something went as planned …”** _

It was brutally honest for the many choices she'd made in several weeks that had twisted and morphed into this uncontrollable beast. Part monster, part human, all consuming and a looming damnation to all that she held dear. 

_Wow, that's thinking positively_... she mused, before returning her attention to Finn.

Finn nodded as Rey spoke, turning back to the panel he was working on. It was easier to keep his hands busy and his gaze on anything but her at the moment. He also didn’t mince his words with her. He was still upset with her but happy she was back.

_**“Well, that tends to happen when you take off without telling anyone and leave them to search for you for a month.”** _

Poe had listened to plenty of Finn's lamentations on the subject of the girl who now joined them. On any other occasion he would have made it his business to stick around, but knew that time was of the essence for most things. He'd give them each a gentle shoulder squeeze before stepping up onto the platform with Chewie, but don't be fooled -- they'd both be listening the entire time. 

Finn sighed then, turning to her with pleading eyes.

_**"We thought you were dead. If it weren’t for Luke, we would’ve never found you. What were you thinking, Rey? You do know that he’s tried to kill all of us more than once, right?”** _

He shook his head as he placed the tools back into a box before a hand found her shoulder. He refused to say his name aloud.

Here it comes, the moment that she should have gotten two weeks ago it felt like but never came. She could ration some of the blame onto the twins but she knew she'd been hiding from it as well. Hands wrenched together behind her back, hiding her fidgeting and focusing on keeping a flush from her face.

_**"I tried to tell Leia I was safe... I know... I know what I did seems irrational."** _

The last person she could find the words to explain her feelings on the matter to was Finn. It was too intimate, too insane.

_**"I'm sorry, you really don't know how sorry I am."** _

She swallowed hard, relaxing under his comforting hand, her own reaching up to rest against his wrist. She wanted to say something more, something to let him know that she was here to fight the big bad and that Ben was going to help. But she knew it was important, for Finn's sake, that she not spend her time defending the monster she'd become so affectionate with. The mention of Luke made her ears burn, a reminder that he would not have come if she had not left with Ben.

_**"There's only one person that anyone is focusing on taking down now. We need all the fight we can muster."** _

Now she felt like Leia, choosing her words so carefully to save face. It burned her throat and made her shift uncomfortably. She felt like she was lying to him, and she wasn't, but biting back her desire to defend Ben at this moment was proving more difficult than she had first wagered. 

Finn stared at her for a moment, blinking back the disbelief. He let his hand fall away from her shoulder, moving his wrist away from her grasp gently. He stepped back to look at her, a small laugh and shake of his head given.

_**"Seriously? Is that all you have to say?"** _

His brows rose high on his face as he waited for her response. He saw that she was flustered but it stung that she was still trying to avoid the glaringly obvious.

**_"If my memory serves me correct, only weeks ago we were fighting the same enemies. And now one of them is here, on this planet, with us."_ **

Finn’s voice was tight as he looked her over, finding it difficult to keep a mildly disgusted look from crossing his features.

_**"What happened to you, Rey? You let this… this monster get in your head and you come back and you can’t be bothered with any of us. It’s like nothing else matters but him. He’s going to betray you sooner or later. So I suggest you find out where your true loyalties lie."** _

He hadn’t meant to give her an ultimatum. But all of the emotions, resentments and thoughts he’d been holding back had suddenly bubbled to the surface.

It wasn't _all_ that she had to say, it was just the worst best part of what had filtered into her mind and made it past her lips. His visceral reaction to her calculated comments was not without merit. She deserved it and more, so much more.

Now she couldn't look him in the eye, her gaze darkened with guilt and her heart heavy with shame. If she were honest, truly honest, it would only push him further away. That was the last thing that Rey wanted.

_**"It's not like that Finn... not entirely. I don't know how to explain to you how things have changed. I know that I've been... preoccupied, but I still care for you, and Rose, and everyone."** _

Her voice felt strained as she spoke, that pins and needles feeling starting to fill her once more with dread. The fact that he was questioning her loyalties was deserved and echoed the sentiment that Leia had shared with her yesterday, she'd pushed aside the people who had been there alongside her through all of the trials of Kylo Ren, and it looked very much like she was the traitor now.

_**"I don't know what to do to prove that to you."** _

_At least, not without compromising the relationship that had grown so important to her as well._

Finn listened to Rey stammer for an explanation to her decisions. He wasn’t sure he believed them but he wanted very badly to give his friend the benefit of a doubt. He knew her life had never been easy and as such her choices were made for the benefit of her immediate survival. But this business with Kylo Ren… their strange and dangerous force-bond, her sudden change, none of it made sense to him.

He knew she cared. But his gut told him that the immediate threat was the man she had chosen over everything and everyone else. 

He looked at her for a long moment before he spoke clearly and plainly.

_**"You could leave him. Let him go, Rey. Before it’s too late."  
** _

What did he even mean by that last statement, anyway?

Was it unfair for Finn to ask Rey to give up on Ben? Maybe. But it was the proof he needed to believe that the old Rey was back and here to stay.

Of course the one thing that he asked for was the absolute one thing that she had no idea how to do. The one thing she couldn't do.

If she left him, their threat doubled, and she would never truly be disentangled from him anyway. The further apart they were, the worse their rage would grow, the more unbalanced the powers that be became.

Hands shifted, clasping together at the back of her neck, tipping her head up to the patch of blue sky that the trees did not cross over. He was asking the impossible, as far as she was concerned. She wished she could be out there, among the stars and far away from all of this mess.

_**"It's not that simple."** _

She knew that was not what he wanted to hear, but it was all that she could think of to say. Bracing herself for his anger, she finally dropped her head to recapture his gaze, hoping that somewhere within his heart he could see in the depths of her brown eyes that she was not choosing to abandon him any more than she was choosing to not abandon Ben. 

It was as if Finn already knew her answer before she even explained it. He shook his head sadly.

_**"It never is for people like us, is it?"** _

He sighed heavily again as he continued on.

_**"I can’t tell you what to do, Rey. But I can’t sit here and watch you throw your life away either. I just can’t. I’m sorry."  
** _

It appeared that Finn was drawing the line for now and though Rey might have found it selfish, he found it necessary for his own survival. Being her friend came with its own perils and risks they often found themselves in. He’d never be on board with getting along with someone who had wanted him dead and probably still did.

Oh how right Finn's words were. His life hadn't been simple either, and although she doubted that friends were welcome in the First Order, it was where their similar paths diverged.

Withdrawing from the conversation was the only logical step, dropping her head and watching the space between them expand. He was only a few feet away and it felt like light years. Her throat was tight and an uncomfortable weight shifted around in her stomach.

Off the ramp approached Chewie and Poe, acting as if they'd been in conversation as they descended rather than listening just out of sight.

_**"So as I was saying, with just a few more adjustments this will be the deadliest and fastest ship in the galaxy…"** _

Looking up to the two friends, the tension was unmistakable.

_**"Heya Rey, it's been a minute since you've had a seat up front, you should come take a look at what's been upgraded."** _

It wasn't as easy for Poe to unleash on her the way the others undoubtedly had. Their bond wasn't as strong, although he did consider them friends. He was impressed with her as a pilot and a soldier, but he knew all too well that decisions between love and survival weren't always easy. Besides, he was a general now. If Finn took up the end to be honest, he would provide a solid counterpoint. Not undermining his co-general, but not throwing salt on the wound.

_**"That sounds great Poe, but um... I've got to meet with Luke soon."** _

Finn was relieved when Poe and Chewie interrupted them. The tension had grown unbearable. He couldn’t bear to look at how torn Rey had become but knew they both needed some distance between them. 

As Poe and Chewie conversed with Rey, Finn saw his chance to make a quiet exit. He backed away slowly, lowering himself down a ladder into the bowels of the ship to disappear from sight and mind.

* * *

As odd as it was to say, especially having tried to go around and make amends (or attempt to) for her unflattering behavior since her return, it was almost refreshing to have this break. Even though there was a tug in her gut that still called to him, her mind was suddenly a little less clouded, a little less consumed with all things Ben. She couldn't explain it.

When they were together, she was catapulted to new heights of acceptance and understanding. When they were apart she felt equal parts cold and comforted. There was a civil war happening inside of her and all she wanted was for someone to surrender. Surrender was never that easy.

As the sun set and the sky changed colors from cool blues to warm orange and purples, Rey began the trek to find Luke. For some reason she wondered if they'd be going to the same spot today, or if he had something else in store. That place was almost tainted now, with every conversation or memory or touch that had been exchanged since her return. It saddened her, because it really used to bring her such comfort.

Approaching the path to the clearing, her intentions settled on pushing all of those thoughts from the forefront of her mind so she would be open to whatever Luke intended to share with her this night.

Luke was deeper into the forest than their usual spot, the trail that cut through it eventually leading to a small and secluded grotto. He stood facing the opening, shimmering blue-green water flowing lazily through it. He felt her before he saw her, only his head turning to one side to greet her.

_**"I thought a new setting might be appropriate considering..."** _

He trailed off, deciding it was best not to rehash the past given how recently it had occurred. He led Rey deeper into the small cave, beautiful pink and purple stalagmites reflecting off the bio luminescent waters. Towards the back, there was a flat space big enough for two people to sit comfortably face to face.

As they settled, Luke’s cool gaze regarded her quietly. He sat crossed legged, spine straightened, one hand on his knee, the other rising towards her. His touch was light against the side of her temple as he spoke to her.

_**"Focus on your breathing. Are you ready?"** _

Ready? It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question, in fact it was clearly a rhetorical one but even still, she knew that she was not. Alas, a silent confirmation was given to the man in the form of a nod, attempting to relax her mind and body in preparation of tonight’s lesson. 

There was a sudden pull on Rey’s mind, something very much like the beginnings of a headache. Suddenly there was the sound of a saber searing flesh, the bright red of the blade puncturing through Luke’s chest as his face read shock before grimacing in silent pain. His blue eyes pleaded with her as he felt the life force draining from him slowly. When the Jedi’s body was thrown carelessly to the side in a heap, a hooded Palpatine stood behind him, now smiling at the shocked girl. His sinister yellow eyes were only matched by his sneer as a black metal hand reached to grip her throat.

Before Rey had the chance to react, Palpatine was gone in the blink of an eye, replaced by Luke once again, who still held her temples between his fingertips. His gaze looked apologetic as he dropped his hands from the sides of her face, leaning back from her quickly. 

_**"Force illusion. Just one of the many Jedi mind tricks you can use to aid you. I can teach you persuasion, how to project, how to confuse, and how to invade… If you think yourself capable."** _

He rose a brow at her in a small challenge to gauge her interest. 

Rey had tried to pull away from the menacing presence of Palpatine before her, all but falling back from Luke’s actual form in front of her had it not been for his light grip at her temples. Gasping for breath, her pulse was thundering from the overwhelming surge of fear that had surfaced from just those few moments of being faced with him again. When Luke spoke she focused on the sound of his voice even as the fringes of her mind held onto the feeling he’d inspired. 

_That wasn’t real?_ She was flabbergasted, because her heart was trying to regulate its rhythm and her thoughts were racing, looking to separate the truth from the vision. Once her breathing slowed, she narrowed her gaze at Luke, uncertain about how that had made her feel. It was both terrifying and intriguing; a different use of the Force that felt somehow _wrong_ and out of character, even for him. But at the end of it all, one thing was certain… Rey wasn’t going to back down from a challenge, and the skeptically raised brow and stern gaze said as much.

Luke nodded gravely, stepping towards her once more.

**_"Let’s begin."_ **

* * *

**_"You now have everything you need to find the truth. However, it is your own path to choose."_ **

Those were Luke’s final words as they departed their newly assigned training space for the evening and Rey was left to ponder the uses for such abilities. They’d discussed lightly how Force users didn’t need a specific designation to master these particular traits, which made her all the more curious that Luke was so familiar with them. 

She knew Ben was familiar with them too, having been reminded of their first meeting and how they’d spied into each other's innermost thoughts. It seemed far too tempting to do this only for personal gain, rather than the greater good. Luke was only trying to give her all of the tools necessary to succeed in the upcoming war; but it was clear he was anticipating Rey to use them to come to new conclusions about her past. 

That evening she sat awake in bed for much longer than Ben. Usually he was the one lulling her to sleep, but there was a dizzying amount of information trying to find a home in her thoughts. Stroking her fingers through his hair and replaying the events of the past few days, she'd listen to his even breathing and use its rhythm to focus while combing through what she'd learned.

***

_A much younger Ben stood on the platform of the Millennium Falcon and his expression was surly. Large ears peeked out from dark hair and he stood awkwardly, shoulders drooped and eyes flickering to people in the distance. He couldn’t have been more than ten years old._

_Han and Leia were a few feet away, speaking casually with an energized Luke. There was no gray hair, no wrinkles around the eyes. He was handsome at this age, with several years of an organized and peaceful Republic under his belt and his sister and brother-in-law close at hand._

_“Ben, come say hello to your uncle,” Leia’s voice rang clear to the boy halting his journey off the ship._

_He was stalling but not because he didn’t want to see his uncle, but he knew that his parents weren’t going to stay. The conflict at hand was warring between them all; how to handle Ben’s blooming Force connection without allowing him to go the way of their father._

_As Ben approached Luke, his demeanor began to change, hopeful eyes looking upon the Jedi Master. He was dressed similarly to his father in a dark blue utility vest over a loose fitting tunic and it was clear who his features favored. This would only grow with time._

_Ben stopped just shy of Luke, while the male Skywalker twin would drop to one knee, clapping a hand on his nephew's shoulder and offering him a soothing smile._

_“How would you like to become my apprentice? I would teach you everything there is to know about the Jedi, the Force, and the Light.”_

_A nervous glance was given over his shoulders to his parents, who looked strained but ultimately encouraging. This had to be what was best for Ben, to keep him safe. Leia smiled, nodding slowly. Han wasn’t quite as convincing but squeezed his wife’s shoulder in agreement. Soulful brown eyes traveled back to Luke’s face, his expression shifting from trepidation to a spark of excitement._

_“When do we start?”_

_***_

_The scene changes and several years have passed._

_A tall and lanky boy is dressed in traditional padawan robes, his face red and eyes flaring with anger. It was an older Ben, nearly fifteen, screaming at a man with similar but more developed features. It was Han. He looked aggravated, perhaps even defeated. Leia comes into view, stepping between the two as Ben hurls insults at his parents._

_They don’t understand him and he knows that they are ashamed of him, that they see him as a burden and that is why they left him here with Luke. Leia steps between the two and her expression is wrought with fear and disappointment. She has truly let down her only son. She touches her husband's arm gently, who pulls away sharply before storming off to board the Millennium Falcon and take off._

_Standing in the wake of their takeoff, his back to the Praxeum temple which is illuminated by a fading sunset in the distance. Ben wipes his eyes with the long sleeves of his robes, glaring at his father's prized possession as it veers off into the darkness of space. He speaks low and to himself._

_“There is no emotion, there is peace._

_Peace is a lie, there is only passion.”_

***

Releasing Ben’s temple, a sharp and shuddering breath escaped her. She hadn’t meant to… to do this to him. To peer into the parts of his mind that surely he wouldn’t want her to. He wasn’t disturbed at all, which further worried her conscience, planting seeds to questions she didn’t want answers to. Resting her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes once more, while what she saw ran across her vision in a slow orbit.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

_Peace is a lie, there is only passion._

The conflicting words of the Jedi and Sith codes replayed in her mind from Ben’s memory, highlighting their specific dilemma. They were both peace _and_ passion. Was there possibly a way to reconcile the two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait between chapters 8 and 9! If it's any consolation, we are also posting chapter 10! This was a toughie because there's so much going on in the story and in our real lives with resuming work and such. We hope, if you're still reading, that you're still enjoying the story!


	10. Fortune Favors The Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Leia's help, Rey brings an idea to Ben and Luke for the future of her training. It goes without saying that the Skywalker-Solo clan is always unpredictable in response.

Over the next few days she met with Luke every afternoon in the grotto. They had essentially resumed her training where they'd left off and the sour disposition towards him had begun to dim. He had pulled back on the frequency of their training, which aided in relieving a bit of her stress... but in typical fashion, Rey couldn't help but assume that meant she was too weak to do more. 

Under the circumstances, Rey knew she could do more. If she was asked, focusing on just the Jedi Order was not fulfilling in the way it should have been — had she never gone with Ben. And so she came up with a plan, one that teetered on impossible to execute... but closed mouths weren't fed and she was  _ starving _ .

Arranging the meeting between the Skywalkers and herself hadn't been easy, but with Leia's assistance they managed to wrangle the boys to the general's bunker for privacy. To call herself apprehensive to broach the topic was an understatement, but she would hold firm in her resolutions and they would come to an agreement. If not, maybe Sidious would show up just then and solve all her problems... but she was praying for the former. 

Ben could feel through the Force that Rey was restless and uneasy. He knew she was still working with Luke to hone some of her Jedi skills but there had been a shift in her he couldn’t quite tap into. 

When his presence was requested by his mother and Rey, he hadn’t wanted to oblige, but relented in the end realizing that by not going, it would delay the inevitable — Leia’s wrath and Rey’s disappointment.

He was already seated in the bunker, clad in all black as per usual. He glowered in agitation at her, wondering what she was up to. 

Leia and Luke had arrived together, though Luke realized too late that there was something afoot he had not been made aware of beforehand. 

Luke’s questioning gaze followed his sister who went to stand by Rey, a hand gripping her shoulder in a reassuring squeeze. She smiled softly before turning to Ben and her brother. 

**_“We’ve called you here for a very important reason...”_ **

When they arrived, Rey would look back to Leia, who urged her with just a look to remain calm and present her case. Her throat was seemingly closing up as they stared her down, but she wouldn't be intimidated. Rather than beating around the bush, she'd come right out with it.

**_“I want to study with Luke. And I want to continue my studies with Ben. We’re a dyad for a reason and there is so much neither... no, none of us know still. And I don’t think those answers are going to be found if we’re only searching one half of the subject material…”_ **

The words hadn’t spewed out in the haphazard way she’d imagined all morning. She sounded sure of herself and convinced that what she was asking wasn’t a tall order to fill. Of course she had to deal with the two most stubborn men in the galaxy before she could achieve it. 

Hands folded before her, tensing and twisting as she awaited a response... any response... before undoubtedly having to defend her request.

Luke was still standing, staring at Rey passively. There was a short silence where no one said anything. And then he smiled softly. 

**_“I think you might benefit from this Rey. I won’t protest as long as Ben begins to train with us.”_ **

Ben’s glare cut to his uncle, his eyes widening slightly in disbelief.

**_“What?”_ **

Luke turned to face his nephew, a small shrug given as he explained his reasoning to them all as Ben straightened up in his chair, more alert and even more agitated.

**_“You never finished your own Jedi training...You’re one half of the Dyad. I am unsure if my theory is correct but i believe that neither of you can find balance while the other is unbalanced.”_ **

Ben’s lips tightened into a thin line as he stared murderously at Luke.

**_“I was never unbalanced...”_ **

Rey could already hear the protests. The doubts. The anger. A fragment of her mind was sure that Ben might have actually expressed some sort of thrill at her suggestion, especially in front of Luke. Luke she had surmised would be disappointed that she still expressed any interest in the dark side. 

Neither of her assumptions were correct for the reasons she had previously imagined. Instead, Luke  _ agreed  _ and she was sure that the shock registered on her face gave way to all of the feelings she had been shielding while she spoke. 

It couldn’t be all easy though and she felt Bens displeasure before she heard it. There hadn’t been a scenario envisioned which included Luke’s agreement. Clearing her throat she would approach Ben, lightly pressing her hand over his. 

**_“I feel like there could be worse things...”_ **

She didn’t want to push her luck with her other half, fully expecting that he was going to view this as some sort of coup. Dropping to a kneel beside his chair, Rey searched for his dark gaze, a pleading look in her eye. What she said next was dropped to a whisper, intending it only for Ben. 

**_“You could sit in on more meetings with the other generals... or we could continue with Juyo...”_ **

Was she trying to bait him with physical battle? Absolutely and she didn’t regret it for a second. The warmth in those doe eyes ran deep, unsure if it would work but some part of him had to feel something from her gaze, right?

Ben watched his uncle’s smile regarding the offer as a triumphant smirk. How anyone could think this man was a peace loving Jedi Master was beyond him. Here he was, sowing seeds of discord compliantly. 

Now Rey was agreeing with Luke and Ben was deeply disappointed. Wasn’t his suggestion and encouragement of her training with Luke in lieu of their own enough?

When she approached him, kneeling by his side to coax him with soft innocence and optimism in the form of promises, he pulled his hand from under hers slowly. She would be able to catch his eyes, however, which now burned with cold indignation.

His words were soft but as steely as his glare. 

**_“It’s never enough with you is it? You and my uncle and my mother just take and take and take as long as it benefits you.”_ **

Was it an unfair assumption regarding everyone present? Perhaps. But Ben had acquiesced to the wishes of all three without putting up too much of a resistance for weeks now. Why did they insist on trying to push him further?

Leia spoke up then, the command in her voice rivaling her son’s.

**_“Benefits us? Oh, you are sorely mistaken, my son. Without any of our interference you would have been killed.”_ **

Ben stood to his full height then, eyes narrowing at his mother and then Luke in turn. Words formed through gritted teeth.

**_“I would have been_ ** **_killed_ ** **_years ago with your interference as well! You don’t understand what you’re saying!”_ **

He shook his head, the frustration and agitation he’d been keeping at bay, boiling over.

Ah, there it was. The side of Ben that he'd been trying to keep under wraps... Kylo was still in there, sheltered because it was what he needed to survive this transition, but not truly gone. But just as he had known that there were parts of this situation that were not settled with Rey, she knew it was the same for him.

When he pulled away from her she was saddened, forced to withdraw as well. What she hadn't expected were his words, quickly and deadly like the assault of a scorpion's tail stabbing into its prey. The others spoke quickly and tempers were flaring and for a moment she was silent, assembling her words carefully.

**_"I don't think you understand what you're saying Ben. Or what I'm asking. Every single one of you has done nothing but ask things of me... I have been expected to fall in line with every whim and desire and this is where you cannot compromise? Have I not done everything you've wished?"_ **

Rey nearly wanted to remind him of all of the things she'd given up for him... to him... but such intimate details were a bit too below the belt to be used in this conversation. Withdrawing from his side she pressed her hands against her lower back, head hanging in a defeat she could already sense coming. Finn's words haunted her now... what if he was right? What if Ben would do nothing but betray them, betray her?

And then what? Like a cracked kyber crystal the energy between the two was starting to spike. She'd been silly to think the conversation could have gone any differently, perhaps she would have been better off with Luke disagreeing so at least she could put her blame on him rather than Ben.

Leia remained stunned at Ben’s outburst as did Luke. There was an uncomfortable quiet settling on the foursome until Rey’s wounded words permeated between them.

While Ben was still angry, he was fast becoming uncomfortable under the judging eyes of his family. She had a point. And he had not asked of Rey, not really. He’d  _ demanded _ . But he had felt that he had to. Now he’d need to sacrifice once more. He now offered ill timed advice, careless and flippant in the moment. 

**_“Oh stop playing the victim, Rey. You’ve always had a choice. No one twisted your arm. We’ve all had to sacrifice something.”_ **

Luke shifted on his feet then, his voice soft but warning.

**_“Ben...”_ **

Ben's words were cold but he was right. Somehow through all of this, through this small concession that she had genuinely thought would help (although she couldn't have predicted Luke's response, the real wrench in the overall plan) she felt guilty. For thinking above her station and now her own words came to haunt her again.

_ To feel equal. It's freeing. _ That was not how she felt right now. 

Clearing her throat, she put her hands up in a sign of surrender.

**_"He's right. The choice I should have made was to stay on Jakku and leave this mess to the lot of you."_ **

The spite in her voice couldn't have been more direct. This time when she looked around the room, ears burning and defeat spreading across her features, she decided that this was one fight she didn't want to stick around for. The Skywalkers could handle family drama, without her. 

It was a swift exit and she hoped that Ben fought with his uncle or his mother, or both! He thought she was playing victim? He was the biggest perpetrator of all... but perhaps she only felt that way now, having seen a few of the moments that splintered the family so deeply.

No one said anything as Rey made her admission. Leia looked struck and then saddened, Luke pensive. Ben, however, was irate. As Rey fled, he turned to the pair, finally exploding on them, red faced.

**_“Why do you ruin everything you touch?! You’re cursed!"_ **

With that, he stormed from the bunker as well. It did not take long to catch up with her, calling after her several times though she did not stop.

Once he had gained on her, a strong grip on her upper arm was given, jerking her around to face him. Black eyes blazed, his voice full of heat as he addressed her.

**_“You don’t get to walk away from this, Rey! Not again!”_ **

Fingertips tightened painfully around her arm as he pulled her closer, looking down into her face.

**_“For someone who feels so abandoned you sure as hell find a way to run away when it doesn’t suit your own purpose!”_ **

Ben was volatile, his frustration and disappointment seeping from him in waves.

The sound of Ben's voice behind her didn't slow her gait but increase it, sure that if they continued this conversation they'd splinter the ground where they stood. He wouldn't take that hint would he? No, he was ready for a fight and was projecting it on her instead. Yanked to face him she lifted her hands and shoved him off, a strained yell escaping her.

**_"And where can I go Ben? Because even if I did want to run away, none of you would let me! But don't turn this on me, when we... What are we doing? What have we been doing?"_ **

The heat that swarmed her brain nearly made it impossible to see clearly when she took a path that led away from the bunker. There was no projection for where she was going, just to have space between herself and those that she — loved. The word rose up on her tongue like a wave of sickness but she wouldn't allow herself to say it aloud.

Rey almost choked for a moment, coughing to clear her airways as anger continued to surge. She clutched her lower back again, feeling a stress on her muscles that threatened to bring her to her knees.

**_"This isn't even about me... this is something bigger than the two of us and I'm trying to work towards a solution. The problem here is it isn't your solution. I've tried it your way, I've tried it their way, and we keep coming up empty. Where do we go from here?"_ **

It was doubtful that he'd like any of her answers and she already knew that she wasn't going to like his. This was a useless conversation, a sinking weight in her chest for the inevitable end which was only going to be their continued disagreement.

Normally when he was pushed away by Rey, he’d keep his distance. But Ben was thinking with all of the emotions that brewed like a dangerous storm just beneath the surface. He followed her erratic lead as they moved farther from the bunkers and into the woods ahead.

He made another grab for both of her arms then, stilling her so that she couldn’t dart off or use the Force to knock him away this time.

**_“I let you go more than once before because it wasn’t the right time and it was what_ ** **_you_ ** **_wanted.”_ **

Once again pulled into his grip she did fuss against him, wanting to be released simply because she couldn't take it when he had his hands on her. They were her undoing time and time again and she didn't want to be clouded by her feelings for him.

His face was flushed, dark hair spilling into his eyes as he gave her a small shake. 

She'd never seen him quite like this; frenzied but in a different way. Like there was a shadow in his eyes that maybe worried... he was losing her. The words that followed rained on her like shards of glass, spraying across all of her exposed skin, making her tense up in the moment like she was bracing for a crash.

**_“You’re not getting that you don’t have to do this alone! We are your family now. Luke and Leia love you. *I* love you.”_ **

His chest heaved and he suddenly released his grip on her and backed up. A hard swallow was given as he stared at her hard, the realization of his words slowly sinking in.

This was impossible; he echoed the words that she had thought only moments ago and he was met with a breathless Rey in turn. Her eyes were wild, uncertainty filling the spaces that words could not just yet. When she spoke, her voice trembled.

**_"Don't do that to me Ben... don't say that if you don't mean it."_ **

Her eyes had welled with tears that spilled over her cheeks and left their salt on her lips. The urge to run away still pulsed in her legs, but her fingers reached out to his chest, curling into his shirt and pulling him closer. They were nearly chest to chest now and the grip she kept on him may have been an indication that she was preparing for something drastic. The next few moments were more important than anything they'd shared to date.

**_"I can't give you that too without knowing you mean it more than anything you've ever said to me."_ **

A feeling Ben never experienced coursed through his entire body, only magnified by her grip on him and her tears. There were a lot of things racing through his mind too. It was hard to find the right words for once. 

A hand reached under her chin to lift her gaze to his. His voice was low as he spoke to her.

**_“I wouldn’t be standing here right now if I didn’t.”_ **

His grip on her jaw tightened slightly as he dipped down to press a hard kiss to her lips. The dichotomy of his control and his ability to show tenderness was on display with those actions. There had always been a duality to him — light and dark — that his family could never comprehend. Yet he was neither in the Dyad. 

The two of them were a new type of chaos, constantly repeating back to each other the words that they had shared in the past. But this time his words warmed her through and through, until the obvious sting in her tear ducts had subsided and the desire to weep had finally passed.

Nervous energy prickled around her until his lips captured hers and that's when her grip on his shirt came in handy. She didn't want to let him go, didn't want him to ever let her go. Her lips pressed back to his, opening to the taste of him, to his power and control. She hated him sometimes, because now that she'd tasted the happiness that was provided at his side, there was no turning back.

The kiss lingered and deepened, her vulnerability stoking the flames of his desire. He reluctantly broke their kiss, however, eyes as black as the void of space burning holes into her. 

**_“You belong to me, Rey. You always have.”_ **

His word choice sent a needy shiver down her spine, she liked the way that sounded too much, enjoyed the feeling it gave her like a drug.

**_"Always?"_ **

Her stomach was in knots, she had no idea what he meant but it almost didn’t matter. Every inch of her was flush from the admission and a part of her mind was screaming at her to say it back. Wasn’t this what she’d wanted but was too afraid to admit? Gazing up at him, those doe eyes searched in his for some speck of dishonesty in the exchange, but try as she might she couldn’t find it. She hesitated over the words to follow, knowing that once she said them, there was no taking them back.

**_"Love… I love you too."_ **

Luke had asked her once if she loved Ben and she’d spent weeks fighting off the emotions blooming in her chest, taking over her thoughts, drowning her in need and comfort. This was sacred, wasn’t it? Something precious to be protected? This meant that she was as important to him as he was to her? That he would do anything to protect her and when it came down to it, he would always have her at his side, that she would never let him fall, or be alone, ever again.

**_“Say it again.”_ **

As Rey cupped his face, his skin prickled with tiny jolts of electricity. Half lidded and drunk off arousal he pressed his body closer as she returned his sentiments. He dipped his head low once again, teeth catching her ear lobe, hands gripping her bottom as he lifted her.

**_“I love you, Rey...”_ **

His voice was deep and low as he peeled the clothes from their bodies. He took her in the woods under an open sky full of watchful stars that night. When the sun finally peaked over the horizon, they lay in the dewy grass, naked and still entangled and unable to move.

Perhaps they were crazy. But when nothing else in the galaxy made sense but each other, sometimes you just had to embrace it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. This chapter just ends on such a high note, but will this continue? Ben and Rey always seem to hit a high note before a low point follows... are you loving the roller coaster as much as we are? :) 
> 
> We are so thankful that whoever is still reading is still reading! Although we have many many chapters planned, we are going to take a break from updates for the month of July! Real life is kicking butt and a little hiatus is necessary now! But we'd love to hear your predictions for whats coming next, let us know if you still like whats happening here, or if we'll see you when we come back in August with more chapters! We hope everyone stays safe and well! J + J


	11. Ignorance is Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey begin training with Luke, but some unexpected news derails their newfound routines.

Two weeks had gone by since Ben and Rey’s confessions and things had returned to normal as normal could get for anyone during a galactic war. And the war between Ben, Rey, and the Skywalker/Solos was currently at a ceasefire. A calmness for the sake of each other had settled between them — for now.

It had taken another few days after the blowout in the war bunker for Ben to come around to attend training with his uncle. It had been mostly at Rey’s persistent invitation and even then he did so begrudgingly. But he did it. The first few training sessions saw Ben hanging in the background, mostly brooding and keeping a watchful eye on her. He still did not fully trust Luke but had to admit that Rey was once again flourishing under his instruction.

Each day that passed without incident was a small victory that Rey couldn't help but celebrate. Things were getting easier for everyone around the base, not just the clan of Force Sensitives. Members of the Resistance were no longer cowering as openly, assuming that Kylo Ren was going to strike out at them with a moment's notice. Ben wasn't nearly as agitated having the added activity to his daily routine, which had been her motivation in the beginning. That was a win she relished in private, especially as she felt them both growing stronger, further connected.

A few sessions saw Ben showing more interest in the techniques Luke had to show Rey, stilling his tongue from correcting the older man on how it could be done more efficiently. He had even begun practicing some of the telekinetic methods his uncle had shown them with Rey when they were alone. For her sake, of course.

They had even begun their physical combat training several days a week when Ben was not hulled up with General Organa, although neither were able to use their lightsabers. It was on one such evening that they found themselves practicing intense and aggressive saber techniques. Nothing could have pleased her more than picking up on their sparring, even without sabers, it tied everything together. Mind, body, soul. Balance and peace and passion.

Over those two weeks she felt her body straining some days to keep up with the added activity, some mornings waking groggy and some evenings falling sick. Rey had convinced herself (and Ben) that it was just a readjustment period, having fallen off of their habits since arriving at the base. This night she felt more fatigued as the evening wore on, calling a timeout to sip some water.

**_"I don't know what's gotten into me. You're not usually this good."_ **

It was easy and enjoyable to jest with Ben without a lightsaber in his hand, running no risk of getting a larger payback scar of her own. Fingers smoothed her hair back into buns, her skin felt clammy, but not from the usual sweat she worked up in such occasions. 

For Ben, he had found in combat a way to release some of the tensions that he had repressed even from Rey. To say he missed killing things (people), would not have gone over well with her so the next best thing was combat techniques.

When Rey had halted their training to catch her breath and get some water, his dark eyes narrowed in concern. He ignored her small barb at his skills, walking over to her and placing the back of his hand against her cheek and then her forehead instead. He was quiet but his voice was tinged with concern.

**_“I think you should see someone down at the medbay. Maybe the training with both Luke and I is getting to be too much.”_ **

At first, he had attributed her illness to some type of bug or the mental stress coupled with her training, but now he began to worry. He did not say it aloud, but he began to suspect Sidious. All other options needed to be eliminated before they turned to the Force, however.

When he fussed with her she frowned in turn, huffing against the canteen in hand. She'd never been sick a day in her life, at least not in any way that had ever put her out of commission long. Truthfully she ignored a lot of the signs that something was wrong, trying to manifest a resolution before having to go that far. What was frustrating was that if it were just a common illness, then Ben would have undoubtedly caught it by now as well.

**_"It's not too much. We trained twice as hard on Tatooine. And I've gotten so much better since then. I'm sure it's nothing but before you insist… Will you come with me?"_ **

Rey could imagine that if she fought him off about this for too long then he was going to put her over his shoulder and drag her. That alone may have been worth the argument. But things were good, so she opted out of causing ripples for a brief moment of his agitation. On the other hand, if he made her ask him twice then she wasn't going to go. The only time she'd been to the medbay was when Finn had been healing after the battle of Starkiller base. The sterile rooms and chill did not sit well with her. In fact, just thinking about it made her uneasy. Directing her gaze up to Ben, she passed him the canteen and waited for his response. 

He cut his eyes at her reasoning but secretly hoped that she was right. Sidious was a much bigger threat to overcome than overexertion at this point in time.

Ben took the canteen from her, tilting it to his lips as he drank deeply. When he returned it to her, he gave a small nod of agreement.

**_“I’ll go. And, Rey, It’s just a precaution...”_ **

* * *

The walk to the medical facilities had Ben lost in thought, the seriousness etched in his pale face as he thought back to how Snoke had silently, but effectively infiltrated his own mind and body, making him sick those first few weeks until he had learn to adjust. It was dangerous right now to try and discover if Sidious was connecting through the Force. It put more than just Rey in danger...

Beside when they had first arrived at the base, there weren't many instances that Rey and Ben were nervous at the same time. The walk over filled her with an odd sort of dread, as if she knew that bad news were coming but couldn't put her finger on what. Her throat tightened uncomfortably, like she ate something she shouldn't have and it was threatening to block her airways.

When they arrived at the medical facilities it was exactly as Rey had last seen it: sterile and cold and daunting. They were greeted by a tall, slender man with sharp, distinct features, his build reminiscent of someone Ben had seen or known before. He smiled politely before speaking.

**_“Ah, it’s nice to see the two of you again. Did you have an appointment today?”_ **

The mention of being familiar with them gave her pause, looking to Ben in question as it had escaped her in that moment. There were so many faces milling about at times that she couldn't keep them straight. Given her current overactive imagination, she was nearly sure that she'd make herself sick again just standing there.

Ben looked confused at first but after a moment it dawned on him where he had seen this man before. The day they had arrived, after meeting with his mother they had been escorted to their room by him, but had been so wrapped up in their own drama they had not taken much notice of him.

**_“No. But she hasn’t been feeling well. We think it might be the training.”_ **

The man looked at each of them in turn, the smile deepening before he spoke again. 

**_“Of course. We can set you up in an observation room and do a few simple tests with the med droids, hm? Right this way.”_ **

Ben nodded and looked at Rey before he began to follow. Maybe he was just overly concerned about Sidious, but this man seemed a little off to him as well.

Reaching for his hand, she kept him close at her side. There was a palpable uneasiness to her now, and it started as a dull roar in the pits of her stomach, but the sensation lapped outwards to her fingers and toes. She tried to think of anything else, the warmth of Ben's hand or how easily he'd agreed to come along. When her mind shifted to its root,  _ love _ , she squeezed his hand and released it as they entered the small room. She was not oblivious to his own stress triggers, reaching out to cup his chin once they were momentarily left alone.

**_"What's the worst it could possibly be? I know you're right and it's better to know but I can't imagine it's nothing a good night's sleep can’t fix, maybe some... vitamins, I don't know?"_ **

A charming little smile touched her lips, rising to her eyes as she tried to soothe the dubious expression on his face. 

Ben sat next to her and let her talk. Her anxiety was tangible and a squeeze to her hand was returned. She had smiled at him and his gaze softened but he was much too serious to smile back.

He felt relieved when the man from before returned with a med droid in tow, the machine rolling to a stop near the observation table. The doctor put on a pair of gloves with a resounding snap against his wrists and patted the observation table with a smile. 

**_“I’m Dr. Thrawn. You’ll need to sit up here so the med droid and I can get a closer look at you, Rey.”_ **

The arrival of the droid finally set her expression to a more somber tone, once more reminded of Finn being hooked up to so many machines and wires. This wasn't like that, she was awake and healthy and she'd be right back out the door in a short amount of time.

Once Rey was seated, Dr. Thrawn worked quickly and surprisingly gently. He asked Rey simple questions about her training and her symptoms. He did a few manual tests like shining bright lights into her eyes, feeling her throat and pressing against her belly. He checked things off of his holocron and had the med droid draw blood and hook her up to an IV machine. ****

After several minutes he’d read a print out and smile at her, speaking plainly.

**_“Well, Rey you are quite dehydrated so we definitely want to make sure you finish the IV treatment here today. Although you’re still in your first trimester you should begin limiting your physical training sessions — at least for now. I wouldn’t worry much, the first trimester is always the one that makes most women ill.”_ **

He looked back at the holocron then tapped something on the screen before looking up again. 

**_“The side effects should subside once you do. If they continue then we can see about setting you up with weekly IV fluid therapy. And I shouldn’t need to tell you to drink plenty of water for you and the baby to stay hydrated and healthy.”_ **

As the doctor sorted out the last bits of information and turned to her with her ailments, she let out a soft sigh of relief. It was too soon, as he hadn't finished speaking. A flash flood of blood to her face as the words seemed to fade out before he continued.

**_"I’m sorry… did I hear that right?"_ **

A nervous laugh escaped her lips as she looked over to Ben, panic etched across her features.

**_"You said pregnant?"_ **

Dr. Thrawn looked up from his holocron he’d gone back to pressing on and gave her a nod, his red eyes bouncing from Rey to Ben and back again.

**_“Yes. By my estimate, physical examination and the amount of pregnancy hormone in your blood work, you’re about 8 or 9 weeks along.”_ **

Ben had been silent the entire time the scene had played out, a cold wave of dread washing over him as he first heard Dr. Thrawn’s words. The feeling only intensified when Rey shot him a nervous glance and said it aloud as if solidifying its truth. If he could’ve become paler than he already was, it happened in that very instant.

A hand rose so that fingers could rake through his dark hair. For the first time in years, he was blindsided. This could be  _ catastrophic _ and for more than the obvious reasons. But for once, his features did not betray his feelings or thoughts except for the subtle widening of his eyes as he listened to Dr. Thrawn explain how far along Rey now was.

Dr. Thrawn continued after his smile faltered slightly after the room fell into an awkward silence void of any smiles or celebration.

**_“I’m writing a prescription for an anti-nausea medication for now. But should you want, I can write one for a one time use tablet if the pregnancy is unwanted? I’d just need to do a more in-depth physical exam without your uhh… without_ ** **_him_ ** **_here.”_ **

The doctor glanced quickly at Ben who still remained mute before looking at Rey once more.

Suddenly the world felt as if it were closing in on her, the only sound breaking through the din was her heartbeat, quickening in rhythm. The doctor had said it so casually, so calmly, like she should have expected this to be the answer. If only he knew the sordid details of her love life and how inexperienced she'd been with the act that could bring a baby into this world... eight or nine weeks ago.

The room was weighed down with questions and she didn't have the answer to any of them. Ben was absolutely still and her mind flickered to the shock resonating through them both. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kill him for being concerned, as if never knowing what was happening meant that it truly would have resolved itself. There was only so long that neither of them could go without speaking and she'd offer a hurried shake of her head.

**_"I think, hrm… Just the nausea medicine for now, please…"_ **

What worried her most about this wasn't the fact that there was a child growing inside of her, but all of the other implications. How hadn't she known? What would happen next? She wasn't prepared to be a mother, and judging by the colorless expression on the man beside her, the scenario hadn't played out in his mind before now either.

Ben’s glance settled on her as she answered. His expression was still unreadable. With the single request made known, the doctor excused himself, which left them in the otherwise serene room unattended while she finished the IV. 

**_"Ben?"_ **

She finally broke the quiet, although anything else worth saying died on the tip of her tongue, lost in hesitation and fear.

When Rey called his name he exhaled slowly, still feeling numb to the sudden shock. 

**_“Yes?”_ **

That was all he could muster at the moment because what could he really say to her? He was just now realizing the consequences of his recklessness, but he couldn’t say that aloud. He blamed himself mostly. And his mother’s words from their first day on Ajan Kloss now rang, devastatingly loud in his ears. 

Then there was the issue of something much darker that crept in the deepest part of his mind. He had not particularly  _ cared _ about the result of his actions. When you were hellbent on a now almost unattainable goal you took life’s opportunities as they came. Consequences be damned. And there was something else troubling that now sprouted to life, though it had not yet taken root to grow in his mind.

Ben now calmly leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as his gaze flickered from her face to her belly.

What had he done? 

**_“They’re going to kill us.”_ **

It took until this moment for Rey to really get a grasp on the worries of the people around her. Ben was  _ grown _ and she was still  _ young _ and now  _ this _ . When he spoke of his mother, his uncle, and undoubtedly the rest of the base, she nodded in agreement. But she didn't want to look, didn't want to follow his eyes to the parts of her that were supposed to carry and sustain life, stretch and grow until they added a breathing infant to the galaxy's population.

_ I'm going to be sick... again _ . 

She tried to lay back comfortably while the IV dripped away with necessary fluids, but every nerve ending was at attention, every blood vessel thumping unnecessarily loud while she tried to think. As much as she wanted to stay in silence, that simply wouldn't do.

**_"You're probably right but... I couldn't think with that doctor in here. Should we... can we... I never... I've never really thought about being a mother."_ **

Once the words tumbled out she was swarmed with guilt and nausea but it was honest and that was all they could spare each other in this moment. It seemed like just terminating the result of their coupling in this moment was just too fast, too harsh of a judgement. But there was  _ war _ on the horizon. What good was she out of commission? Was it awful of her to be open to the discussion?

**_"Up until you I hadn't really thought about…"_ **

Hopefully she didn't have to finish that sentence, even though it only added to the glaring spotlight on how absolutely foolish they'd been. As of right now, no one else knew what was going on. That meant there was a sliver of hope that they could leave this room with a plan in place to deal with those around them — if Rey left this room intending to stay in the same condition of which she'd arrived.

Ben still had a million thoughts he was trying to suppress for Rey’s sake at the moment. His pained gaze traveled back up to her face, another hard swallow given as the guilt began to claim him. He’d put her in this situation. And now she was going to have to make another difficult choice.

He finally shook his head, words spilling out as she stammered for an understanding in all of the chaos. 

**_“Well, what_ ** **_were_ ** **_you thinking? Clearly_ ** **_this_ ** **_wasn’t one of them.”_ **

He sounded surprisingly agitated. Ben stopped talking then as she confessed to not having thought of what? Having a child? With him? Who would want that for themselves? Was she embarrassed by the thought turned reality?

Ben did not have a plan. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to formulate one either. He didn’t know what to do and so he fell back into an agitated silence. He did, however, stay the entirety of her treatment and when they began their walk back, he casted sidelong glances at her that she did not catch

Just when they thought they were moving ahead and getting out from under the stress their union had caused, something else came along and stopped them in their tracks. Was this the way things would always be? One struggle after another if they remained together?

* * *

Finally free of the medbay, she was eager to return to their makeshift home, even as her thoughts launched into a spiral of what ifs and whens about the life that they had created. She couldn't speak on any of it, feeling almost like a draft coming from Ben as he shut himself down as well.

It wasn't until they had made it safely back inside, door closed and privacy secured that she spoke. Leaning back against the door, allowing him to move through and sit if he wanted. Try as she might, a nervous energy had formed making her want to pace a bit, but she suppressed the desire.

**_"I don't think we should tell... anyone. Yet."_ **

Most specifically his mother and uncle, but she couldn't imagine that anyone they told would be ringing in good cheer over the announcement. Truthfully, she needed to sleep on the information. Already she could feel a part of her reaching out, a small plan formulating in her mind, but she knew that Ben wouldn't like it, not right now. Besides, she wanted to be with him right now, worried that it might be their only time to ponder the consequences of their actions without the opinions of their family.

_ Their _ family. Nose wrinkled at the thought, her emotions split. Rey was not turned off to the idea of having a child with Ben, but the thought hadn't crossed her mind. They didn't talk about the future in terms of finding a planet to settle on and living in seclusion the rest of their lives. Their future involved war, chaos, and death. What place did a baby have in that? 

Then there was a whisper in the back of her mind, just beyond her recognition that said  _ you can do it differently _ . Differently than how her childhood had been. Could they, given the circumstances? When they had finally made it back to their room, Ben sat on the edge of the bed, looking to Rey as she spoke. His eyes narrowed at her suggestion and a small scowl curled his lips downward.

**_“What?”_ **

Ben realized that a bombshell had been dropped on them in the middle of everything else going on but he found it hard to believe that she now wanted to keep this, of all things from Luke and Leia. He couldn’t help it but his mind began wandering towards the suspicious.

**_“You don't want to tell Luke and Leia… Is it because you’re ashamed, Rey?”_ **

His voice was dangerously soft and insinuating.

A heavy sigh filtered from her lips at his change in tone, followed by a shake of her head. She should have expected that he would have such a thought, but there was no taking back what she said, only explaining.

**_"No, not ashamed. Scared? Yes. Of what they'll say, of how they'll react. They've already made it clear that they don't really approve of this, and now..."_ **

Pressing her lips into a thin line she'd cross slowly towards him, not entirely sure if he'd beat off her touch, but she went for it anyway. Resting her hand against his shoulder, not wanting to do too much because she couldn't take him suddenly growing angry with her.

**_"Just for a day or two. So we can think... decide how to move forward. You know that they'll form their opinion and if we don't agree it'll just be another fight."_ **

The last thing she wanted right now was to fight with any of them. Least of all Ben, but it felt like he was building up to that anyway. She didn't know what she wanted to do, what was the best thing  _ to _ do, and he hadn't exactly shared any sentiment of excitement to sway her either direction.

Ben let her hand stay on his shoulder as he looked into her face. His silence was probably unnerving her. He felt his gut sink at the mention of their disapproval of his relationship with Rey.  _ Did she feel that way too?  _

As Rey further reasoned, he’d blink, his eyes traveling down her torso to settle on her stomach. It was both equally terrifying and numbing to think there was another Solo growing there. After a moment, Ben would speak plainly. 

**_“Their opinions should not matter, Rey.”_ **

He sounded mechanical and distant and He was beginning to think that she wasn’t scared of anyone’s opinions on their relationship, or about the current… development. Ben was beginning to think that the real reason she wanted to wait was because Rey was scared of what their opinions of  _ her _ would be.

**_"They don't matter. But don't you get tired of hearing them repeat themselves? Like they think if they say enough they'll influence us?"_ **

Rey did sometimes allow their opinion to make her feel guilty or shame, but there was one thing that always brought her back out of it: Ben. Even when they fought, even when the moments came that they couldn't stand the sight of each other, the truth always lingered. The light and the dark that they shared was not a secret, was not a hindrance to the happiness they could create. When they had been alone with each other, it had been easy and they had found such understanding being together. Having been reintroduced to the general public provided more and more kinks to their relationship as time went on.

**_"This isn't about them, at all. It's about you and me and what we are going to do."_ **

Stifling the rush of emotions that followed was proving difficult, because she didn't know if she should be happy that this had happened or absolutely devastated. Weren't they in this together? Rey felt a prickling of frustration beginning to build in the back of her throat, once more focusing on the finer things she could resolve versus the larger things she could not.

**_"If you think we should tell them, let's tell them."_ **

Rey had not convinced Ben with her speech. Still, he said nothing as his face was tilted to look upon her. Although she could not tell, it stung that she had wanted to keep something like this a secret. Was it really about them? Or just Rey and her constant need to save face with those who might judge her most? He knew she was trying to be strong for her own sake. She was stubborn, naive and so terribly young and as such he could not resist the opportunity to strike back at her in retaliation.

He gently shrugged her grip from his shoulder as he stood once more, coldly looking down his nose at her before brushing past.

**_“Then tell them... or don't. Get rid of it for all I care. But come to a decision already.”_ **

Ben did feel a twinge of guilt, the hypocrisy being his own secrets he now kept from her. She was truly better off not knowing now given the circumstances anyway.

Rey shifted from placating Ben’s attitude to her own emotional tidal wave beginning to wreak havoc. The voices in her head posed threatening questions, like if the situation were different, perhaps if she were older or she were a different person, he would have expressed some sort of excitement and would have been embracing this as a “happy accident” instead of something so detrimental.

That was the thought that broke her absolution, weaving around him so she could step away to the attached bathroom. The door was closed quietly behind her, a hand coming to her lips to stifle the sob that bubbled into her throat. A disaster was coming, everything in her body was telling her that now. But what could she do? Free fingers fell to the flat of her belly now, overwhelmed with the possibilities of what was to come. Wasn't she supposed to be happy? Wasn't this supposed to be a great joy to a woman? Then why did it feel like she was going to lose everything she loved because of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeello everyone! We hope that you stuck around our little hiatus and enjoyed this chapter! Updates may happen a little slower as we go forward because of work and other RL commitments, but we are excited to share more with you on this dramatic little ride. 
> 
> We all knew that the p-bomb was coming, but were you surprised at Ben or Rey's reaction? What do you think is going to happen next? See you on the next update and thanks for reading! <3


	12. Penny For Your Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets some insight on the development with Rey, before the two discuss what comes next.

Ben and Rey hadn’t said much to each other the rest of the night or the first half of the next day. He sensed she’d needed her space and it was the first night since they’d shared a bed that he had not held her. 

She might have caught glimpses of him staring but he’d look away after a moment, preoccupying himself with something else. It was odd for her to be the one to act distant towards him and he was not used to it. After their training session with Luke, Ben had taken off quickly, disappearing the way he’d come earlier and remaining gone until late that evening.

Luke has sensed a disconnect for the first time with the two but did not broach the subject with either. Worry had crossed his features but he surmised it had probably been a disagreement between them that would be resolved shortly. Still, he felt unsettled, especially when he looked at Rey.

Rey wished that she could turn to someone to discuss what was going on, but every single person around her was bound to have some sort of agenda and she couldn't trust that they could be _impartial_ with her plight. This was why she hadn't wanted to tell Luke and Leia (yet). It was why she shied away from Finn and her other friends. There was a spotlight on her choices that somehow took precedence to anything else going on, which left her feeling incredibly scrutinized, even if they never meant it maliciously. Thinking back to when Luke first found out about her connection with Ben, he'd tried to discourage it, mostly for his own reasons. Perhaps she should have listened, then she wouldn't have found herself in this predicament.

The hours beside him that night had never moved so slowly, the room had never felt so cold, she'd never been so close to someone and felt galaxies away at the same time. As she slept, she dreamt of everything in her life crumbling away, like the salt flats of Crait, leaving nothing but a red wound underneath. When he left after the morning session she'd been thankful; having him near and not feeling right to reach out and touch or kiss, it suffocated her. Although that had been her choice, it was better than being denied. Most of her day was spent with Luke, meditating in the grotto and pushing through to the memories of her past, a welcome reprieve from the fog that hung over her future.

* * *

In between the time that Ben had disappeared after training and the time he’d made it back to his bunker, he’d gone to see Leia. Yes, he’d sought his mother out. Even Leia thought the universe must be collapsing to have received an unannounced visit from her only son. But a mother’s intuition always knows and she knew as soon as she laid eyes on him that something was amiss.

**_“I knew what was going on between the two of you, but my goodness, Ben! I thought you were being careful!”_ **

Her voice was a sharp hiss as she spoke as quietly as possible, although the door remained closed.

Ben had told Leia about Rey’s condition and her health and scant else. Now he sat beside her, slumped over slightly, raking fingers through his hair. There was a mixture of embarrassment and guilt turning his pale face crimson. 

Leia eyed him reproachfully before continuing in a softer tone once she’d seen he was at least taking some accountability for his part. And he looked like he felt some modicum of shame.

**_“Your father and I didn’t raise you to be this irrespon—“_ **

Ben stiffened then, straightening his body in the chair and looking at his mother tiredly. His tone held more of a plea than a warning.

**_“Don’t. Not today, mother…"_ **

Leia sighed heavily and leaned in her chair, a hand gently cupping the side of his face. She suddenly realized that her son had come to her for advice and perhaps encouragement.

**_“Does Rey know what she would like to do concerning the pregnancy?”_ **

Ben shrugged, the roll of his shoulders heavy as similar dark eyes met her own.

**_“I don’t know.”_ **

There was a small silence before he spoke again, almost as an afterthought.

**_“But… I want her to keep it.”_ **

Leia looked sad for a moment, her other hand reaching for the other side of his face. She smiled softly then, a small flicker of hope rising in her chest. Ben’s journey back to the light was underway and Rey was the cause. Perhaps she had misjudged their connection too prematurely.

 **_“Well, that will be a choice you’ll need to make together, Ben. But you’ll need to really_ ** **_talk_ ** **_to one another. And I’d like her to know that she can come see me if she feels the need to talk as well.”_ **

Ben nodded, standing then. He wasn’t entirely ready to see her yet, but he was tired and wished to fall into bed earlier than usual. The black void of sleep had never sounded so inviting as it did this night. With that, he bid his mother farewell and headed back to his room, skipping dinner and any other training he was supposed to attend. 

* * *

Away from the bunker, Rey had chosen to find Rose and Poe, a weary Finn folding her into the conversation over dinner. She knew she should eat, but all she managed to do was nibble at some bread and push her food around her plate. Her mind was somewhere far, far away... she apologized several times and just blamed it on the intense training with Luke. Even suggesting that she hadn't slept well would leave too much room for speculation, so she'd avoided that route. Eventually folks would retire to their rooms and there was only so much dragging of her feet she could sensibly do.

When Rey had finally turned up, he relayed the message from his mother, his eyes searching her own for ** _…_** _something_.

And there _was_ something... a flicker in her eyes that called to him, begging to know what was going on in his head, afraid of the answers but desperate for them anyway. Was he as frightened as she was? Unprepared and spiraling, but willing to fight; for her, for each other, for their future?

She would lean back against the door, hands folded behind her, commenting about how she'd be sure to check in with Leia. Had he already told his mother? How had she reacted? Once more disappointment settled in her bones. She'd hoped they'd at least have gone together. Perhaps it was best that they had not. Now she half expected Luke would come knocking on the door any minute, once he was caught up on the news by his sister.

A part of her wanted to leave, to go stay in an empty bunker or with Rose or literally anyone else — but the other part of her didn't want to back down. It wasn't ideal in the least, but she loved him... unreasonably so, and she knew it. Running away wasn't going to get them anywhere, but she couldn't find the words to breach the subject either. Instead she finally crossed the room, pulling out her sleep clothes.

**_"I'm going to shower. Are you going to bed?"_ **

So they were back to behaving like the first time they’d met when they’d gotten older? She moved around him like a small, cautious creature. Ben could feel the anxiety and confusion rolling off of her in waves and it was making him sick. He’d grabbed her arm gently as she turned to flee towards the shower, stopping her in her tracks. 

_**“Rey…"** _

There was a soft demand in his tone as he let her go, his gaze boring into her own.

**_“What have you decided?”_ **

The faint quirk of her brow was a quick indication that she did not like his question or what it implied. All day she had considered their future, but one thing was clear — she looked at it as _theirs,_ not _hers_ and _his._ Perhaps that had been foolish of her, but what was she if not foolish when it came to Ben?

**_“What have I decided? Is that how this should be? You versus I and nothing in between?”_ **

A pained sigh escaped her, her hands nervously ringing together behind her as she stood before him, feeling so small and unsure in a way that made her bristle.

**_“We made this together… shouldn’t we decide what happens next… together?”_ **

Ben blinked against her own questions, remaining silent for a long moment. When he spoke again, it seemed genuine and remorseful.

**_“I realized something yesterday. I realized that you haven’t been able to make most of your own decisions for quite some time. I… I realize that I’m the cause of that and have been for awhile.”_ **

Whether that was Ben’s version of an apology or not, at least he was trying in the moment. It was a surprising choice of words; of all the ways this could have gone, he had taken a hard left turn from the more obvious routes.

Brows knit together thoughtfully, Rey’s hazel gaze studying him quietly as she turned his words over in her mind. He wasn’t wrong with his summation of the last few weeks, but she took no joy in rubbing salt in that wound. 

**_“Whether or not that’s true… I can’t just cut you out. Not now.”_ **

Did she want to keep the baby? All she could think about all day were those two roads, and every time she considered going forward with either one, she felt an immense guilt. Could she be a good mother? Could they beat Palpatine with her in this condition? And which was more important? Was it okay to ask him any of those questions, judging by how harsh he’d been previously? She still didn't know where to begin; there was so much to wrap her head around with this new development.

**_"I don't know what to say Ben. I don't know what to think. Or what to do."_ **

Rey hugged her arms against her middle, almost cradling the life that was there, or shielding it from the conversation that was taking place. She'd tried to share with him her confusion and fear, but it was _his_ turn to share his thoughts.

A few silent moments passed between them and Ben was forced to shift his body with the intensity of the moment, a single gruff hand lifting to card through the dark waves constantly shifting into his eyesight. The subtle move was a minuscule tell of the storm brewing beneath the surface.

 ** _“What if this life we created shares the same fate as me? Or his grandfather? Or his great grandfather? The men and women in my family have not had easy lives, Rey. You can attest to that._** **_Then I thought that maybe…"  
_**

Ben stifled his last few thoughts, his gaze returning to her face, questioning. 

**_“Then I thought that maybe you didn’t want a child with a monster anyway. The things that I’ve done…”_ **

When he finally expressed the fears that plagued him, Rey took a few shy steps to close the space between them. Her gaze softened at his confession, a longing in her heart to quell such a fear all but ripping through her chest.

**_"Ben… you're not a monster. Not anymore."_ **

A single hand reached out, touching her fingers to his jaw, tracing up the line of the scar he’d earned from her what seemed like a lifetime ago. Before she spoke again, she mused on the weight of the words forming. That in such haste, such surprise from her decision to join him, that the very beacon of his persona had been carelessly left behind. In the nights that they begun to lay together, she felt that maybe it was a sign that he was turning in his own way.

**_"It was just a mask. And where is it now?"_ **

Ben felt polarized for a moment. His body became rigid and so did his demeanor. How could he have forgotten the mask? _She_ had made him forget. But he suddenly did not feel the need to cast blame. Something else was taking its place. Something that made him uncomfortable and yet...

**_“You don’t have to do anything, Rey. Or say anything. Until you’re ready. You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again if you don’t want that.”_ **

He averted his gaze then. What exactly was he saying? That he wanted a future with her? _Yes_ . That he could even _see_ a future with her? _Yes_ . But what did that even look like? How could he accomplish that without also fulfilling his own destiny? Perhaps _this_ was his destiny…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you like this update! Things are about to get... complicated, if they weren't already. Did you expect Ben to go to his mother? And did he redeem himself while talking to Rey? Is she nuts for going along with this, or is there a way for them to stay happy? 
> 
> A sorta-kinda-if-you-squint cliffhanger. We're really trying to get out updates at a semi regular pace, but if we don't we hope you still look forward to them as they happen! <3 Comments are always super appreciated even if we take a little time to respond to them <3


	13. Still Waters Run Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Skywalker-Solos catch up with each other as the news of Rey's condition is formally discussed.

General Leia Organa-Solo was tired. Exhausted really, worn out, unraveling. Was that so unexpected? The last few months had been spent navigating unsteady terrain filled with landmines, constantly navigating around unforeseen devastation from the least likely of places. Things had been good, for a short while, as good as they could have been considering. Of course the Resistance was still working tirelessly to outsmart and outmaneuver the First Order, a task only made more difficult knowing that her son was in league with those seeking their destruction. But they’d had hope, a ray of light in all the dark. The young Jedi in training had been a welcome reprieve from the losses after the showdown at Crait, and her dedication to the cause after “losing” Luke had renewed that spark for those who were left. They needed her to gain leverage over the First Order and eliminate their dark reach in the galaxy for good.

That wasn’t all Rey was needed for. Leia would have been a bold faced liar if she tried to deny that she was hopeful about the young girl's connection to her son. That it would change something in him, change him back to the boy that she had abandoned and give her a chance to fix her mistakes. What she had only anticipated would only ever be an unlikely instance suddenly become her worst nightmare. The creature that was Kylo Ren somehow persuaded the girl to leave the Resistance behind and join him halfway across the galaxy. The ripple of that loss had been felt immediately. The already small numbers of the Resistance wavered, unsure if they could truly succeed in their task with no Jedis’ on their side. Leia was left to work the hardest she ever had to convince the others that this was a part of a larger plan, to devastate the First Order from the inside. 

It hadn’t been all that believable, but people tended to follow Leia’s belief system more than her actual stories and reasoning at times. She was a beacon in her own right, a living tribute to the Rebels and their cause. Anything was possible if you put enough into it, when your will was stronger than the ease of defeat. Nothing was ever quite that simple, not even when her wildest dreams came true and somehow (even if she overlooked the strong armed persuasion) Rey managed to tame Ben’s darkness and bring him home.

Leia had curtailed her astonishment and satisfaction to resume the duality of her role with her inner sanctum. To be General and mother was no easy feat, when your soldiers were like your children. To be tough, when she wanted to be loving; to scold when she wanted to embrace. Ben had deserved her coldness, her disappointment, her anger… but she couldn’t—wouldn’t unleash it all if it meant keeping him. If it meant somehow earning his trust and finding her way back into his life as his mother. 

It was all she wanted, and as the weeks progressed, there were small marks of progress. Ben hated the councils, but he attended. He despised his uncle, but they’d yet to brawl. He didn’t trust a single person on the base, yet he stayed. Progress. She’d count a star each night as a blessing for each day that he remained, but no star meant more than the night that he came to her. Truly came to her.

Suddenly Rey’s disappearance and their connection made so much more sense. Where she’d thought Kylo had been praying on the girl (and yes, she’d allowed it to continue for her own selfish reasons) there was more to it than that. A spark that was so much deeper than the physical. A new hope, blooming from the ashes of all their mistrust and misunderstanding. It was something akin to a miracle, because she was sure that this was the final piece to unlocking the goodness that Ben had shied away from his entire youth; a chance for him to redeem his actions and leave Kylo Ren a cold, dead memory. She only hoped that Rey would feel the same as Leia had, when she found out she was carrying Hans child at almost the same age so long ago.

* * *

The request of Rey’s presence in Leia’s counsel room only meant one thing. Beyond the security the room provided, there was no avoiding the discussion about the news Ben had shared with his mother. Leia was certain that Rey did not want her condition being known so soon and it would look like official business being conducted in the middle of the day, and in a way, it was.

When Rey had entered, Leia had been poring over a schematic of some type, looking up in time to see the girl shut the door behind her. Her voice was soft and warm but slightly tense as she moved towards her, enveloping her in a tight embrace for several seconds. 

**_“Oh, Rey… How’re you feeling? Ben told me the evenings have not been treating you well.”_ **

She pulled back to look in the girl’s face, a look of concern on her own. She motioned towards two chairs, taking one herself. She shook her head as she looked at Rey again, the smile returning to her lips.

**_“How are you handling everything? Is there anything you need?”_ **

Although Leia knew how to play nice with others when needed, she was genuine in her concern for the girl. She had grown close to her in the time they had fought in the Resistance together and she often regarded her as the daughter she’d never had. And now she was having a baby. She could not pretend to know half of what Rey was feeling, but she could be there for her.

It brought a small smile to her face, making her immediately wonder if Leia was actually  _ happy _ about the news. Settling down in the seat opposite of the woman, her hands settled in her lap. She didn't feel as nervous today, not like she had on their last few encounters.

**_"I'm feeling better, today anyway."_ **

What could she say next? Or at all? Ben, Rey, and now Leia were all aware of her condition for the same amount of time. What she said next wasn't entirely a lie, but she was grasping at facing the situation with the sweet, motherly figure she'd come to know. Despite the tender tone in which Leia regarded her, it was harder than she realized to truly mask the growing panic at the decisions that awaited her.

**_"I've been... okay. It's been okay."_ **

Leia’s gaze softened as Rey explained away how she felt. She admired her at times, having to put on a brave face and remain strong even in the uncertainty.

**_“You know it’s okay not to be alright sometimes. Your life has changed drastically in the last few years. And Ben… he is not the easiest person to deal with on a daily basis.”_ **

Leia’s glance suddenly fell to the floor as she sighed softly. She had not asked Rey to meet with her to talk ill of her son. When she lifted her chin to smile upon the girl her eyes were bright. 

**_“Whatever you decide to do Rey, just know that Luke and I are here for you. You know that right?”_ **

She took the younger woman’s hands then, squeezing softly as she continued on.

**_“And Ben… Ben loves you. I can tell. He wants a life with you. And your child. And I believe you have shown him the light again. Something even I...”_ **

A breathy laugh escaped her then, her eyes tearing up as she released one of Rey’s hands to place it gently against her belly for a moment then withdrew. 

**_“This baby is a gift. Someone special. My grandchild.”_ **

Leia sat back in her chair then, crossing her legs and breathing deeply. One hand went to her face, fingers casing her jawline as she gazed at Rey, looking quite regal and authoritative. She was uncertain what the girl wanted to do regarding her condition and she had been made aware that she’d been given options. It was her right. But the maternal side of her, the failed mothering part of her hoped that the child would be kept to grow and be born. And be  _ wanted _ .

Leia did not want to influence Rey in any direction but knew that depending on her answers, she might have to play mediator to her and Ben. It was not the ideal situation but one she would participate in if necessary.

The woman before her always had a comforting presence and wise word to spare and today was no exception. The mention of it being allowed to not be okay... that was a frame of mind that hadn't really occurred to her. There were plenty of moments in the past few weeks that she had not been okay, but besides the few days after her meditation with Ben, she hadn't really spoken about it.

Although she had the option to not have this baby, from the moment the words were said aloud, she knew she could never do that. It scared the hell out of her, the idea of having a child in the coming year, but Leia was right. This baby was a gift. She was touched when the woman started to tear up, triggering a similar feeling well up inside of her. 

**_"I don't know anything about being a parent. How are we supposed to do this?”_ **

Rey hesitated, taking a slow breath as she shook her head, emphasizing the heavy question in the words to follow.

**_“A baby in the middle of all this?"_ **

That was her biggest worry and the strain of her concern weighed heavily on her voice. Now that she and Ben had admitted that their feelings were more than physical, especially  _ before _ they'd discovered her condition... she felt confident that he intended to be right at her side no matter what she decided. As the days had passed, the idea of building a  _ real _ family with him had more pros than cons. Even with one more worry looming in the corner of her mind.

**_"Does Luke know? I don’t think Ben would have…”_ **

Stopping herself once more, she twisted her hands in her lap at the edges of her tunic, trying to redirect her nervous energy into pulling the loose threads there. Instead of continuing that thought, she quickly redirected.

**_“He was very adamant about telling you though."_ **

There were so many emotions that were collecting inside of her, each one more intense than the last. The revelation of her pregnancy was nearly the straw that broke the camel's back, and the tension that had sprouted between her and Ben had not been enjoyable. The fact that he'd wanted to speak with Leia about it (even if she still felt a little sour that he'd done it on his own) spoke of a side to him that had been overlooked for quite some time. Ben had commented on Rey's reactions to his family's opinions and she couldn't help it... she  _ was _ heavily influenced by what they thought of her, and even as she grew more confident in her own abilities, she still wanted them to be proud of her. 

Leia shook her head lightly, a soft smile reaching her face.

**_“No one knows the first thing about taking care of a child. You learn as you go, Rey. And you have me.”_ **

Leia's kind words brought a soft smile to Rey's face, trying to imagine what the woman must have been when she was pregnant with Ben. It must have been interesting, especially with Han at her side. Her heart clenched at the thought, wishing that he were still around, wishing that she'd been able to get through to Ben sooner. Despite all of the terrible things that had happened in that time, perhaps the universe connected the dots in the way they had to bring them to this point, a new beginning.

**_“We may be in the middle of a war,”_ ** Leia continued, **_“but wars do not last forever. And neither do pregnancies. Though I can’t imagine this war will be a quick one...”_ **

A sigh fell from her lips again as she looked off into the distance before returning her gaze to Rey.

**_“We must be prepared to dig our heels in for the long haul. I still find you a valuable member of the Resistance. We will need you. And Luke will still want to train, I’m sure.”_ **

Leia stood from her chair, slowly making her way to a large table with several holographic maps spread across its surface. She peered at it for several moments before looking over her shoulder at the girl.

**_“Ben and I have not told Luke anything. Although he often knows more than he lets on about a great number of things… I think he is waiting for you to tell him yourself. Of course I could always be there with you, if you need me to.”_ **

She walked back over to Rey but did not sit, her head tilted and her arms crossed. She looked thoughtful as she eyed Rey.

**_“Did it bother you that my son told me?”_ **

There was so much to take in during this discussion. Although the woman was being kind, far too kind, there was hidden meaning in some of her words, truths about the future that she wasn’t ready to face. When Leia offered to be there when she spoke to Luke, Rey felt herself shrink a little at the following question. What could she say? There was no use in hiding from the truth now.

**_"I wasn't ready to tell you, or anyone. I was worried about what you'd say. I could imagine Luke telling us how irresponsible we were. And blaming it all on Ben…"_ **

As she spoke, she didn't realize a few tears had snuck down her cheeks at the admission. Ben truly thought she was just concerned about herself, but there was so much more to it than that. Attempting to hide a sniffle behind her hands, she wiped her cheeks and spoke solemnly once more.

**_"I'm sorry Leia. It was just..."_ **

What else could she say? Rey was the one who'd tried to keep something from the Skywalkers for once, and not the boy they constantly marked irredeemable. 

Leia lightly sighed as her hand fell to Rey’s shoulder. She had already suspected that her meeting with Ben had been an issue for Rey and felt a slight twinge of guilt for having left her out of their discussion. But she was also glad because it gave her insight into her son's mindset, relieved that he had softened to the idea of becoming a father. It had not been as amicable between her and Han. Lifting her touch from the girl the, she’d move to sit beside her once more.

**_“There is nothing to apologize for. I should be the one saying I’m sorry. This is an intensely private matter and I think Ben just… he needed someone he could talk to. His options are quite limited at the moment...”_ **

She stifled an airy chuckle, looking to Rey with gentle eyes.

**_“You will do what you feel and think is right for yourself and this baby. I will help as much or as little as you want me to. We are all here for you. We’re a family, Rey.”_ **

The air they continued to exchange in the form of breathy sighs and softened expressions was quite telling that both women couldn't have been more sympathetic for each other in the big picture of their lives. Leia didn't need to apologize to Rey for excluding her, because Rey was ultimately proud that Ben had finally been able to have an honest conversation with his mother.

To this day Ben didn't talk about the root of his issues with his mother, although he constantly used the excuse of her political career over parenting. Everything that Leia had been doing since Rey had met her was to get him back, to win him back into her arms. Even the thought of how much Leia loved Ben made her heart seize with a crippling reminder that she'd never had that. But now, she was presented with the opportunity to give it.

**_"All I've ever wanted was a family. A_ ** **_real_ ** **_family. And you all have provided that to me, ten times over. But this feels different."_ **

A shy smile escaped her then, feeling her cheeks start to burn at the vision that accompanied her meaning. The few days that she'd known about the pregnancy hadn't actually been happy ones. But in this moment, she felt the tides turning, a wave of excitement slowly building and rolling towards the shore.

**_"I really can't believe it."_ **

Rey began, and as she did this time a happy sort of sob broke through her lips. Even as a few tears splashed along her cheeks, there was a light and joyful laugh that followed through.

**_"Me, a mother! And Ben, a father! I didn't know it was possible to be so terrified and so happy about something at the same time."_ **

Leia and Rey had shared a few more hours of smiles, hugs, and even a few tears as they talked about the future, Ben, even who the baby might resemble. It was a bonding experience that benefited them both and strengthened their connection and bond as a fledgling family. One thing they did not talk about was the impending confrontation to come and to Leia, one day without it was good enough.

* * *

One day was all they were rewarded with, as Luke arrived to collect Rey the next afternoon. His features and demeanor did not reveal whether he knew anything about her current condition. Greeting his nephew amicably, Ben responded with a small grunt and nod that was surprisingly not hostile. Luke watched as Ben’s hand would graze the side of Rey’s face gently, his voice low as he spoke.

**_“You sure you’re ready for this?”_ **

The time with Leia had done wonders to calm all of the anxiety that had otherwise been threatening to rip her apart since her afternoon at the medbay. It seemed that she was a bit of a miracle worker for both sides of the couple and Rey hoped that would continue as they started their voyage towards parenthood.

Ben had realized the error in the way he’d gone about bringing it up. Rey should’ve been at his side. They should have spoken with his mother together. She assured him that she was ready to move beyond it, ready to embrace what the future held for them both. As long as they had each other, despite the obstacles they'd faced time and time again, there was a confidence building that maybe the Force was a greater and more beautiful entity than they'd given it credit for.

When Rey answered, they followed Luke’s lead away from the bunker which was now quickly filling up with new recruits daily and becoming a little less private than what they were used to.

Luke had brought them to the familiar clearing that Rey and Ben had used to meditate before. It had also been the same clearing in which they had looked into her memories. 

With his back facing them, Luke began to speak, his head turning to scan the area before him.

**_“I received your message that you both wanted to speak to me? I believe Leia is also joining us though she seems to be running late… This must be rather important for the three of you to want to speak to me way out here…”_ **

A slow smile formed on his lips as he turned around to cast his bright blue eyes on each of them in turn.

Ben resisted the urge to scowl, lowering his body onto the grass to sit. He drew one knee inward, using it as a rest for his elbow. A hand swiped at the patch beside him, a long blade of green placed between his teeth as he spoke nonchalantly.

**_“Seems that way...”_ **

A firm nod was given to his question, even as her heart fluttered nervously in anticipation of what was to come. The clearing suddenly offered a renewed sense of calm and hope that maybe, just maybe, Luke wouldn't decimate them both on the spot. While Ben sat, she moved to stand behind him, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders, allowing him to feel her squeeze him gently to relieve her nerves

**_"I'm sure she'll be here soon enough… I doubt she'll mind that we went ahead without her…"_ **

Already she felt her words fighting to leave her throat, trying not to imagine what his reaction would be when she spoke again. Rather than leave them hanging on her every word, she steeled her nerves and kept her warm gaze on Luke's knowing blues. He'd recognize immediately why they wanted to be far out of reach from the others to share the news once she said it and hopefully he wouldn't question how long they'd kept it from him. But even as she opened her mouth to speak, she still stumbled over the forthcoming confession.

**_"I'm—"_ **

**_“Pregnant. I know.”_ **

Luke was quiet for a moment longer than he should’ve been, holding Rey’s gaze before dropping it to the man who sat below her. He tried to keep the disappointment from tainting his speech but he struggled. So he said nothing more, not trusting himself to say the right words at that moment. 

Ben looked up then, his dark eyes narrowing at Luke, fingers slipping the blade of grass from his scowling mouth.

**_“How could you possibly have known?”_ **

Rey's expression quite clearly asked the same question that left Ben's lips. She wasn't sure if she should have been surprised at his answer or disturbed that he hadn't said anything sooner. 

Luke softly cut his own eyes at his nephew his chest rising and falling more deeply now.

His words were measured but held edge.

**_“I told you there was a lot you had to learn about the Force...”_ **

Ben’s features darkened, the thin peace treaty between them threatening to snap with the mounting tension. Luke’s gaze averted to the ground for a moment before bright blues burned into them both in turn. His voice was barely above a whisper but fiery.

**_“Do you realize what you both have done?”_ **

Ben stood slowly, standing beside Rey. She’d be able to feel the gentle interlacing of his fingers with hers, a tight squeeze given in an effort to let her know they’d weather this storm together.

**_“Yes, uncle. We’re pretty well-versed on the mechanics of babymaking.”_ **

Ben could be quite crude at times and his sarcasm biting, much like Han’s. It had always rubbed Luke the wrong way.

Rey could only groan as the tension began to rise between nephew and uncle. That was no surprise, even if Luke's slow building anger was a force she did not want to again reckon with. A low groan escaped her at Luke's question and Ben's reply; it was both accurate and somehow humiliating in a humorous way that was not fitting for the conversation.

**_"It's not like we planned this—"_ **

But her words were lost in the fray as she kept Ben's hand tightly laced with her own.

Luke stepped towards the pair, his voice sharp and his face grievous as he snapped out his warning.

**_“This isn’t a game, Ben!”_ **

Ben said nothing for a moment, considering his uncle’s words. He shook his head, swallowing hard.

**_“I know that. But Rey is having this child.”_ **

Luke squinted at his nephew before shaking his own head.

**_“Do you? Because you’ve not only put a giant target on your own backs, but that of your unborn child’s as well. If I could feel the stirring of a new life through the Force because of my connection to you both… What do you think Sidious has felt? He’s been connected to you since you were a boy, Ben.”_ **

Ben inhaled deeply. His own voice was quiet but pained.

**_“That was Snoke, not Si—“_ **

**_“Through Sidious, Ben! He’s been the one behind it all. Always.”_ **

Luke seemed desperate for them to understand the gravity of the situation. So much so that he took another step toward them both slowly. He gently placed both hands on his much taller nephew’s shoulders, squeezing firmly as he looked to him and then Rey, eyes alight.

**_“You two have a special connection most rare. A child of such a union can only be rarer still. Sidious knows that. He will come for your child, even if it means killing you both to obtain him or her. We must do everything in our power to not let that happen. Do you understand?”_ **

Luke stepped back then, Ben’s eyes widening for a split second and strangely without malice..

**_“Your child must live and live knowing both of their parents.”_ **

Luke did not wish to see another child lose their parents or to grow up not knowing them. He and Leia had suffered greatly in their youth because of things outside of their control. Twice. He would not let it happen to another member of his family if he could help. But he was still angry at them both.

Those words rang out like a warning bell and Rey felt herself wincing with each statement. But as he came to the end of his scolding, her gaze softened, reminiscing painfully on her own unguided childhood. 

**_“Luke is right...”_ ** No one had seen Leia arrive, but she stood a few feet away from them. Her face grave but her words soft. She moved forward then, walking to Rey first to give her a hug. **_“We must fight to keep our family together._ **

Leia's arrival was a welcome reprieve to the exchange, and Rey allowed herself to lean into the woman for a moment before turning to Luke, never once breaking her hold on Ben.

**_"And we will. Despite what we have gone through... all of us. We won't be easily broken. We are stronger together."_ **

At least, that was what Rey hoped above all hope.

* * *

The next few days had seen the turning point that they all had needed. Something had silently and positively transpired between Rey, Ben and his family. He had not expected Luke to be as fiercely protective of Ben’s forthcoming lineage as he had. It left him deeply contemplative and slightly touched. No one could ever know that however. But some type of understanding had passed between the two men. Still, there was something about Luke’s demeanor that Ben could not put his finger on. It was like a tiny whisper in the back of his mind that spoke out in the quietest of moments. Perhaps too much bad blood had been spilled between them for Ben to ever fully heal or trust. But this was a start...

Now he found himself in bed, Rey’s head on his chest, one of her legs draped over his naked form. One arm was behind his head, the other in her hair, gently playing with wild locks of silken brown. Her breathing had finally leveled after a particularly arduous and lengthy session of lovemaking. It was soothing to hear her sleepy, contented breaths as he drowsily thought of her and what they had created together.

This could work. It  _ had _ to.

He had everything to live for at this moment in time. Yet… life’s doubts still flickered within him. Sidious still held the throne. And until he was dealt with permanently, he, Rey, and most importantly his child, were at extreme risk. Even if they did vanquish the threat, where did that leave him? The throne would be empty...

Ben blinked back the vision that swam before his eyes. No. No, he was different now. Would it be so bad if he just… walked away from that life? It seemed forever ago that he had even thought about what had once consumed him. Still… not so long ago he had chased a girl through the galaxy to quell a powerful force-bond that threatened to haunt him for all of his days. And now he lay with her here, their progeny growing in her womb. There was a time that would have seemed impossible.

Could freeing the galaxy  _ and _ taking the throne actually be as attainable? Only time would tell. But why did Ben feel as if his time were running out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Skywalker-Solos have a lot to deal with in all this news, but it seems like they're finally getting to a good place, right? What do you think will happen next? This chapter was a bit long to make up for the extra short chapter last time, so hopefully its all coming together for you guys! 
> 
> Kudos are appreciated, comments are loved, and we hope that you're still enjoying the story!


	14. Where Angels Fear to Tread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is a very special day and Rey intends on celebrating it, whether Ben likes it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry it's been so long since the last update. We wrote a fair portion of this fic during quarantine, but we are catching up with our chapters, falling behind in editing, and haven't written as much new content as we'd originally intended. Updates may continue to be slow, but we are still intending on continuing this fic (it just may take a while!). We also edited the formatting of the chapter a bit in hopes that it will read a bit easier than the previous. Let us know if it's preferred this way. :)

It had been two weeks of harmony that had passed for the Skywalkers and the Resistance. 

Rey's tummy still wasn't showing any obvious signs of life to the outside world, but when she started each morning bare in the mirror, she could see the small changes beginning to take place. There was a small pouch that had formed in her lower abdomen, tougher to the touch than the rest of her, and the fact that it was teeming with life always made her giddy. The secret of the baby growing in her belly had remained that way from most of the base, although a select few had been informed one by one, and under the pretense of keeping the knowledge absolutely confidential.

Rose, who always managed to maintain a certain sense of optimism despite the wreckage that came from being associated with the Resistance, was excited for Rey and doubly so at the idea of a precious bundle of life. It was a sign, according to Rose, that something good was finally coming out of all the loss that had brewed from the ongoing war.

Poe, who had truly grown into a level headed decision maker and authority figure (which hadn't seemed possible a year ago), was politely shocked—as if he had been able to forget entirely that Ben and Rey were doing that sort of thing at all.

Finn, who Rey had been most afraid to tell, hadn't quite forgiven her for the news yet.

* * *

This was not a day that Ben looked forward to. His birthday was just another reminder that he was a year older and had not attained his goals. So of course he was slightly agitated when he’d woken to find Rey was not by his side and, he’d soon find out, would remain gone for longer than he would have liked. What was she getting up to? He was slightly surprised to find new clothing laid out for him in his color of choice, along with a small message in small, scribbled print.

_I know you prefer black, I hope it fits. I’ll come to collect you this afternoon. Stay busy till then._

_x Rey_

Once dressed, he surveyed himself in the tall mirror of their room, seemingly pleased with the reflection. Though he was still clothed in all black, the attire was less intimidating than his First Order garb had been. A loose fitting long sleeve henley, paired with a utility jacket and leather harness fitted over his upper torso. Fitted pants were tucked into tall boots, a utility belt and blaster holster slung low across his hip. It was far better than the hand-me-downs that had made their way into his possession since arriving at the Resistance base. Maybe he was even reminded of his father… but that was a thought he quickly shook out of his head before turning away from his reflection.

The day had moved by at an achingly slow pace, knowing that something was brewing just out of view from him. The bond surged back throughout the day, alerting him of various emotions, but nothing to indicate exactly what she’d been up to—she was still adept at keeping him out of her head. Despite his own attempts, not knowing what she was planning left him… uneasy, and he would have been a fool to think that she wouldn’t have felt that in return.

Rey had started her day early with zero downtime; meditation and training with Luke, meeting with Poe to go over some logistics on upgrades to the Falcon, and then this… special treatment from Leia.

Leia, who was over the moon, thinking about finally becoming a grandmother. Raising Ben hadn't been easy, but like all mothers she hoped for the day he would find love. Someone he could cherish and share a life with, away from the perils of war and the pull of the darkness. When she'd lost him, a part of her was sure that day would never come. Each day since he’d confided in her had been a blessing. The life that she felt her son deserved was once more within reach.

The happy news of a grandchild was bridging the wounds between mother and son, and it was now not uncommon for her to call on Rey frequently. The boys may not have understood it, but Leia couldn't have been more thrilled to have someone to share her experiences with and hopefully pass on the information she'd have liked to be in possession of at Rey's age. It had been so long since she’d been able to enjoy _anything_ , which was selfish in the grand scheme of things… but small concessions could be made, especially today.

"Are you sure he's going to enjoy any of this? He's been prickly all day, I’ve felt it."

Rey’s question was posed gently, not wanting to upset Leia after how thoughtful she’d been. On the other hand… The force bond with Ben had been acting in rare form today. She hadn’t intended to leave him so early, but Leia insisted that they needed time to execute their scheme and there were certain responsibilities she was not trying to skip out on in the process. Now standing in the general's personal quarters, fretting over the garments that she'd been loaned, she was not entirely convinced that their plan was going to be as well received as intended. 

It wasn’t going to stop Rey from executing it, but the negative thoughts lingered in the back of her mind. She was unsure if their end goal made her more nervous or excited. They’d taken time to wash her up and turn her into what felt like a brand new girl. No, a brand new _woman._ As a child she’d rarely imagined having an occasion to dress up for… but she was certainly relishing in the opportunity now. 

"Of course he has,” Leia grumbled in the most elegant way, “Sometimes I think he'd ask me to take it back if he could, but then where would any of us be? He's going to love it because he loves you, and that is enough for me."

At least, it was enough for Leia today. With her hands on the girls shoulders, she offered a luminous smile in the reflection of the mirror before them. There wasn't much else she could give her son besides time; to love, to feel, and to heal. Leia had to remind herself to do the same, unsure of how much time she would have with either of them in this way, with war breathing down their necks. Reaching up, delicate hands would arrange Rey’s soft waves across her shoulders before speaking again.

"You look beautiful. Follow the path I showed you, and just... treasure every moment. There may not be more of these soon enough."

Rey couldn’t put a value on the time that she’d shared with Leia recently, each quiet afternoon or after dinner private chat making her heart thaw in places she had never known could. She felt… _cared for_ in a way she had only ever dreamed. Tended to, the way a mother did their child. A part of her knew (or reminded herself) that this was only because she was pregnant. Perhaps it was the part of her that still wasn’t convinced she belonged in this story, despite all the signs indicating otherwise. It was why doing this for Ben was so important. To remind him of his place in her story, and celebrate how far they’d come.

With a nervous smile, Rey turned to Leia and wrapped her in a tight hug. The transfer of energy was dazzling, both of them buzzing with anticipation at the moment to come. They made quick work of leaving Leia's quarters, after having already made Ben wait (alone) an additional half hour. _It will be worth it,_ Leia mused to herself as they ventured toward where her son would surely be surly over the delay of Rey’s arrival.

Breaking away from Leia at the edge of the common gathering area, Rey made her approach towards Ben. He was seated at the usual hidden table with his holologs, and she felt her stomach flip continuously until she finally reached out and tapped his shoulder. Of all the times she had waited for his eyes to fall on her, none had made her as anxious as this meeting now. Ben would surely be able to feel her nervous energy, a constant rippling like... butterflies, the fluttering of millions of little wings, hoping that what he saw was well received.

"Sorry w—I kept you waiting. We can get going now."

Gone were her usual layers and pants, and instead her slight figure was dressed almost finely in her usual hue of cream. It was a dress, where the top sat smoothly across her neckline, tapering into cap sleeves that showed off her lean arms and freckled skin. A wide leather belt fastened around her waist to separate the look, but the continuation of the cream fabric splayed out in a gossamer wave that touched the ground. The tips of her worn brown boots were still present just beneath the hem. 

Most incredibly, at least to her, was the change of her hair. Chestnut waves had continued to lengthen, falling nearly past her shoulders now. Sweeping around the crown of her head was an intricate braid she couldn’t try to reproduce, while the rest of her hair hung loose beneath it. One hand shyly crossed over her chest, while the other held a suitable sized pack, although it was poorly half hidden behind her back at the moment.

Ben had been poorly distracting himself with the latest intel on the First Order and transmissions about the changes that had happened since he’d left. He only lifted his head when he felt her jittery presence through the bond, and finally turned in his seat at her nervous greeting. A small smile curled his lips, his dark gaze glittering with approval as they swept over her form. He saw something behind her back but her look was more intriguing than her secret at the moment.

“You look beautiful.”

It was not a lie. Ben was genuine in his admiration of her. Her slightly tanned skin glowed against the pure cream of the fabric she wore, her brown hair falling in soft waves that begged to have his fingers running through them. The gentle, small swell of her belly (unnoticeable to most), and the innocence in her hazel eyes caused his words to catch on his throat as he moved towards her, leaning down so that his lips pressed against her own in a tender moment. One thing they’d become exceptional at was sharing thoughts without saying anything at all. This was certainly a moment that deserved fewer words and more action.

How could she be anything but absolutely elated when Ben looked at her like that? With eyes that had changed to gazing at her with curiosity and contempt, now to genuine adoration _only for her_. The swells of affection surged towards her heart, replacing the sadness that used to weigh on her so heavily. Now there were some days that she could hardly remember the aching she felt in her lonely nights on Jakku. 

Returning his kiss, fingertips grazed his cheek gently, holding him near to her for a second longer. When the kiss ended Ben looked at her, his brow arching in assumption before he finally found words once more. 

“I hope you did not do too much today… it’s just another day to me.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Rey’s playful comment intentionally did not give away what was still planned, what his _mother_ had planned. Ben eyed her suspiciously as she played coy with her answer. Before he could question her further, she opened up her hand, twining her smaller grip in his before leading him from the cove of tables and away from their usual paths through the trees.

Just out of view from the couple, Leia stood, but not alone. Finn caught the exchange and eyed them cautiously, quickly casting his gaze down before returning to them, as if he was violating something private. As much as he hated to admit it, and likely wouldn't aloud, it was hard to ignore the earnest exchange of emotion between Rey and Ben. There was a softness to the man… and an openness to which Rey received him that spoke volumes of the transition in their connection.

A few feet away, Chewbacca crooned softly and placed a furry hand on Leia's shoulder. A warm smile washed across her face, relishing in the touching embrace shared by the young lovers. The few members that milled through the common area got to glimpse a truly changed man, and she hoped that it would be the turning point to accepting Ben within the Resistance as he so deserved.

* * *

A small hike away from the base camp would allow the two to talk, but there was still no mention of the reasoning behind all the secrecy. Ben knew… he’d all but said it… but Rey was holding out still, not daring to give him any confirmation until they were secluded from others. It was the furthest away from the base even she had been, meaning absolute privacy but even better, another look at the planet that had been keeping them shielded from the terrors of the far reaches of the galaxy for the last several weeks.

Off the beaten path from the well worn trails between bunkers was a breathtaking alcove. A tranquil waterfall, lush trees, and flowers that bloomed brightly with life. The ground was soft but not damp, and there was a clear view of the sky as sunset began and filled it with a wash of violet and orange. From the pack she retrieved a blanket to lay across the bank for them to sit, while inside remained different portions of food for them to share. Seeing what had been planned caused him to smirk lightly, settling down with long legs stretched out and seemingly hardly enough room for them both on the blanket.

It would have been understandable that he was expecting something extravagant with his mother in the mix with Rey on this day, but through a mutual understanding of the man, they veered a hard left at theatrics for something a bit more aloof. Now that they were truly alone, she could sit him down, place her hands on his shoulders and lean into him with a lingering kiss. There was a heat shared between them, a longing, as if she’d waited all day to give him _this_ kiss. Somehow it was both sensual and sweet, a soft exhale brushing over his lips as they parted. A coy grin spread across her face before she spoke, as if she’d been holding back the words that followed for far too long.

“Happy birthday Ben Solo.”

Birthdays were a curious thing, seeing as Rey had never truly celebrated one herself and the only date she could recall was when she’d been left on Jakku. It wasn’t exactly one worth celebrating, so she was thrilled to witness one instead. Could such a small notion be regarded as highly as she meant it? The idea that she was _thankful_ that he had been born, that somehow they had found their way to each other… she hoped he understood the sentiment she was attempting to share.

As she kissed him and wished him a happy birthday, a queer expression crossed Ben’s pale features. She had gone through a lot of trouble to be so discreet with this day. Gifting him with clothes that felt like him, taking him away from the hustle and bustle of the base that still rattled him, presenting herself in a way he couldn’t have imagined until his eyes laid upon her. She truly was selfless and far too forgiving. He did not deserve her. He knew that now. Still...

When their kiss had ended he looked out over the landscape, taking in his surroundings. He could not quite grasp the reality of what he was feeling for he had only caught fragments of it in his 30 years of life. He felt… at peace. Wholly. That had never been an achievable dream… until now. He was quiet for a long moment before he swallowed hard, turning his head to look at her once more, his gaze softening as he searched her own. 

Seeing her like this, dressed so elegantly, looking nearly _angelic_ in all white, it struck him deeply. There was a small truth he was ignoring in favor of her beauty, knowing that his mother had a hand in some part of this—from the intimate knowledge of such a secluded location on the planet or the intricate braid in Rey’s hair. There were several pieces in play on the board, but for once he didn’t feel like a pawn. The next move was entirely his to make.

“Marry me.”

Ben did not know what answer to expect from Rey but he felt at this moment in time that it was what needed to happen. He hadn’t needed to think about the words before he said them, trusting that a greater force would guide the next several moments and he didn’t have to worry about the outcome. 

“Ben?”

The confusion in her voice was apparent, any further thoughts momentarily evading her entirely. How had he managed, with one breath, to steal the thunder out of the work she and Leia had done to surprise him. It wasn’t all that detailed, considering it was just a picnic, but it was equally important to the women that he felt acknowledged, appreciated, and as always... anything but alone. With the words he'd just uttered, not quite asked but did not demand, he reinforced the notion that hollow or abandoned was something they'd never have to feel again. That in their darkest places, they would provide each other light. And when no one else could understand the nightmares of their past that kept them up at night, there would be someone there to soothe them.

Ben didn’t speak again, allowing the notion to wash over her and observe her reaction in silence. The change in her expression had happened so quickly; dimples peeking from her beaming smile at the execution of this surprise, to astonishment at his proposition. Once more she was faced with a choice on a subject that had never quite crossed her mind. There was a moment of silence between them, comfortable and filled with the ambient sounds of their setting and the sudden frantic beating of her heart, followed by a pulse of nerves through the bond that vibrated through him.

Pushing up on her knees she would reach out with both hands to cradle his jaw, taking in every contour of his face; the small dimples of his smile, the fullness of his lips, the beauty marks that dotted his face like stars, and the depths of his eyes that called for her to dive in and never leave.

"Yes... I could never say anything but yes."

While Ben had received some new clothes and a bit of time to retreat from the still distrusting eyes of Resistance members for his birthday, he'd given Rey something much greater in return. A proposal, a lifelong commitment to the man that she seemed to understand even when she wasn't trying to, a bond that was evenly reciprocated.

For as hard as Ben had tried to suppress his emotions for so long around her, it was miraculous to see how easily they streamed out now. The infinite cycle between them flowed like the currents from rivers to oceans and back again; a fluid motion that required no thought, it simply existed as it was supposed to. The Dyad which had never been, finally synced.

* * *

Thrawn’s blue face was illuminated from the light of the console he sat in front of. His bright red eyes scanned over the series of long code that displayed on the screen, running it over for the tenth time. He had to be sure. A few taps from the keyboard produced a click and a beep of confirmation, dark blue lips curling into a satisfied smirk. 

Since being ordered by Sidious to work under the disguise of a doctor on Ajan Kloss, Thrawn had managed to go undetected. It was painfully easy to blend in. It had been too easy to gain the trust of the filthy rebels and much too easy to pass as a doctor that he had realized. Even Leia had not seemed preoccupied, although she was someone whom he rarely saw. 

He stood then, turning to a small machine that produced a holographic image of a hooded Darth Sidious. His lean body stood rigid and at attention, his face serious and unreadable.

“Your imminence. The blood tests you requested have been completed.”

Sidious’ chin tilted upwards, a glowing pair of eyes looking down upon the man on the other end of the hologram. His voice was gravelly, his tone indifferent.

“And what have they revealed Grand Admiral?”

Thrawn spoke, his face relaxing into a slightly smug expression as he delivered what seemed to be good news. 

“Her midichlorian count is nearly 40,000.”

Sidious leaned forward in his chair at the revelation, causing his hood to push back to reveal his glowing eyes more clearly.

“Are you certain?”

A curt nod was Thrawn’s reply.

Sidious’ smiled then. It was equal parts terrifying and ominous.

“There has not been another Force-sensitive with such high counts since my former apprentice… Yes… Yes. Your efforts prove fruitful.”

Thrawn shifted his weight slightly, quietly revealing more information he still held.

“There is… something else of note.”

If Sidious still had an eyebrow it would’ve arched curiously in the admiral’s direction, a light tilt of his head given.

“Go on...”

“The girl is… with child. And I believe that your apprentice is likely the one who has sired it.”

Sidious inhaled deeply but silently, bony fingers curling tightly around the armrests of his black throne as his smirk widened. A dark metal robotic prosthetic hand was revealed as the sleeves of his robes hitched up his arms.

“Yes… I have felt it through the Force. Though I did not think Kylo Ren completely capable. He has exceeded my expectations in this matter. This is a matter we shall have to revisit.”

Thrawn gave another short nod before speaking plainly once more.

“I was able to sample the blood from the fetus in follow up appointments and exams with the girl. The midichlorian count far exceeds its host’s own already.”

Sidious’ gaze snapped to Thrawn’s face for a moment before drifting, seemingly glazing over in thought.

“I would not have expected anything different. Though this does bring forth new… developments.”

The grandson of Darth Vader was ensured to have a high quantity of midichlorians. And this young Jedi from Jakku...a Dyad in the Force. The product of their union would have a Jedi Master for an uncle and his force sensitive twin for a grandmother and as a result, the child’s count could be the highest to ever be discovered. Then there was his own count to consider...

Although when he had faced both Ren and Rey in combat they had not synced. Unbalanced then, but perhaps not now. It would be unlikely that both would fall to the dark side of the Force to be trained under his tutelage. 

But to turn one to help tame the other was certainly possible. Either way, he needed something from them both now. A plan was formulating.

“Grand Admiral Thrawn...”

“Yes, Emperor?”

Sidious looked horrifyingly gleeful as he gave out his orders.

“The time has come to attack and defeat the Resistance once and for all. But I want the girl alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd commented to us and we've responded, at some point we mentioned that there would be no HEA without going through the mud first... well... we've reached that point. From here on out there will be a good mix of everything we like from the Star Wars Universe (movies/novelizations/comics/etc). The fic started off as a pretty solid fix-it but we've veered off course a little bit and are just writing a story with elements that we enjoy. We hope you are continuing to enjoy it as well and keep coming back to read! We love your comments and responding to you there when we can. We hope everyone is still staying safe out there in the real world, and that this escape still brings you joy. :)
> 
> Oh! In case you were wondering...  
> Ben is wearing ~this~ outfit https://i.redd.it/ob2l7up81gg41.jpg  
> Rey in a modified version of ~this~ https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e5/89/dd/e589dddf23b8c2a3686ac6b3ca5a39a7.jpg


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